How’s this for entitled..?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

22 year old colleague/friend, injury, I won’t go into it.

No one to drive her to A&E. My DP drives her there (with me). I sit with her for almost 8 hours waiting to be seen.

Eventually I tell her that I need to go home (I needed medication I’d left behind), I’ll sort out a lift for her in the morning (A&E about 15 miles away), but pretty sure she’ll be admitted.

Roll on early this morning. She’s been discharged.

My DP can’t pick her up so I tell her I will pay for a taxi (probably about £50).

Her mother then contacts me. Absolutely fuming that her daughter is ‘stranded’. I point out that I offered to pay for a taxi but for some reason that doesn’t count.

I tell her to jog on.

Another load of shitty messages from the colleague for telling said mother to jog on.

Seriously?

I spend most of the night in A&E with someone looking after them and there’s no thanks, just a barrage of abuse from their mother.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Is it me? Seriously. Am I in the wrong?

Or are people just like this now?

Your 22 year old colleague/ex friend is feeble and probably lazy. I think she has spun her mother a lie about you abandoning her and she has also avoided telling her that you offered to pay for a taxi. She has been caught out now now that you have put her mother straight. So well done for that.
Mother and daughter are both as bad as each other.

Let it go now if you can. Good that you’ve blocked them both already.
You have been nothing but helpful and you don’t deserve to feel bad in any way.

Christ, at 22 she really does need to start learning how to deal with stuff on her own. As you said sounds like she expects everyone to pick up the pieces or fix everything for her. And her mother chipping in is awful. She is not 2, she is 22. Just let your boss know what has happened and just ignore from now on. And you do need some boundaries. It is fine to help people and ask others for help. BUT as soon as they take the piss or take you for granted DO NOT allow them any more favours. Then you can carry on with no guilt.

Is 'entitled' any different from selfish? Or self-centered?

One can get hospital transport by arrangement with the hospital concerned - or an actual ambulance - let them know this.

@midsomermurderess

Is 'entitled' any different from selfish? Or self-centered?

I think shellfish is just only thinking about yourself. Where as entitled is expecting other people to do things for you. Of course people can be, and often are, both.

Hi @TheLightSideOfTheMoon I have done similar to you, a work colleague who lived alone called me out of work hours, she had hurt herself at home to the extent that she couldn’t drive and felt bad calling an ambulance (twisted or sprained ankle). She was very apologetic about asking for a lift to A&E, I sat with her while she was waiting (few hours) and she paid for us to have drinks and something to eat, wanted to give me fuel money. Her sister came to collect her, she’d bought a box of chocolates on the way and offered to pay for me to have a takeaway that evening (it was 6pm Saturday at this time). That’s normal gratitude, it was almost a bit much to be honest. Colleague then sent flowers and also openly thanked me at work to anyone who would listen. We’re still good friends, and she helped me out with a tricky work issue later on.

I wanted to share this so you have a comparison of what “normal” gratitude and reciprocal actions look like, rather than what you’ve experienced. I’m glad you’ve blocked them and are working on reinforcing your boundaries. Sometimes you have to find satisfaction in being the better person privately, unfortunately.

You do need to tell your boss with proof (texts etc) as this could bite you at work.

Is there anyone more doormatty than us Brits? I honestly don't know any of my international friends who would put up with this.

@aiwblam

You do need to tell your boss with proof (texts etc) as this could bite you at work.

How so?

It's nothing to do with work from what I can see.

And tbh, so what if Op did take a 22yr old to A&E & then leave her there to make her way back?

A couple of people have said suggested hospital transport - absolutely NOT what that's for.

@tallduckandhandsome

Is there anyone more doormatty than us Brits? I honestly don't know any of my international friends who would put up with this.

Bless us.

I’m actually sitting here with a cup of tea all stiff upper lip.

What do other Nationalities do? Any tips for me?

Her mother is the reason this young woman is so entitled, clearly.

You've gone out of your way to help her when you had no need to. Time to step away now.

To be fair, neither of us knew anything about hospital transport.

Surely it’s for people in wheelchairs or frail people?

Not someone too precious to get into a taxi?

When I couldn’t drive I would have appreciated someone like you so much. We need more people like you in the world!

Exactly. When DH did something similar for a neighbor who had cut himself while repairing a window, a couple of days later the neighbor dropped by with a bottle of DH's favorite single malt. OP, your colleague obviously can't afford a gesture like that, but her (and her mother's) only acceptable response to what you did is profuse thanks.

Ghastly pair!!! Thank God that's not your sister and mum and you can at least cut them stone dead.
If you did that for me I'd be making my gratitude not my displeasure plainly clear.

Yeah, I’m not surprised your colleague is the way she is.
I would’ve text mum ‘just fuck off now!’ And blocked her.

My DP can’t pick her up so I tell her I will pay for a taxi (probably about £50).

Unless your friend is really hard up and struggling, this is actually the most bizarre bit of the story.

If you set up an expectation that you will ferry people about and pay their taxis etc, then that's what they will expect. Your friend and her mum feel entitled to your time, effort and money because that's what you constantly give them.

Stop being a people pleaser, and you'll find yourself in this sort of situation a lot less.

I was once driven to A&E by someone who'd witnessed an accident that I was in. She made sure I was safely there, then left to go about her day. I was very thankful, I didn't accuse her of stranding me!

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

To be fair, neither of us knew anything about hospital transport.

Surely it’s for people in wheelchairs or frail people?

Not someone too precious to get into a taxi?

Exactly - frail , elderly , disabled. Not a little madam.

Her type will never see that they are in the wrong.

I thought that hospital transport was for getting people to appointments that they otherwise wouldn't be able to get to.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

To be fair, neither of us knew anything about hospital transport.

Surely it’s for people in wheelchairs or frail people?

Not someone too precious to get into a taxi?

It is. And arranged in advance for appointments

DS and I did once have hospital transport home, we had gone to the local a&e who had sent him by ambulance to a Children's Hospital 20 miles away. I was wondering how I was going to get home when they said theyd arranged transport, I was very grateful

*although ds is disabled so I guess that was why we qualified. Doh!!

Some people are just shitty, unfortunately. Next time, I wouldn't offer to help. Let someone else pick up the slack. And I'd probably put as much distance as possible between yourself and this entitled colleague.

Just realised after I posted that my then in his 80s dad had transport home after a hospital stay.