Is there anywhere where women don't get pestered and harassed by men?

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

I feel like in every single environment, public space, workplace etc theres men standing in the wings waiting to harass, peste and intimidate women. I'm nearly 40 and I remember dealing with this shit as a teenager and expecting it to get better - but it hasn't.

We know what it's like for women being harassed on the street and where that leads to - 2 out of 3 girls aged 14 to 21 have experienced harassment but I'm actually surprised it's not higher (it probably is in real life I don't know a single woman who's never experienced harassment) source: https://plan-uk.org/act-for-girls/street-harassment

My niece, who is 18, works at a fast food restaurant and was telling me yesterday that she has to deal with creeps on every single shift. Not just male colleagues invading her personal space, touching her back etc - but she has had to get her manager on more than one occasion to ask a drive thru customer to leave the premises because he won't drive away until she gave him her phone number. She's handed her notice in because the harassment has got so bad and is looking to do factory work where she doesn't have to deal with the public.

I am 20 years older than her and deal with it too even now. I have a game on my phone that I play thats a community based game - eg you can interact with others, swap items, go into each others 'worlds' etc. It's linked to my Facebook so a tiny version of my profile picture comes up next to my username, so people can see I'm female. I get about 15 messages from men a day ranging from explicit, which I report, to "hi lovely can we chat". I just want to play the fucking game without having to sift through creepy messages.

Where the fuck do men get off behaving like this? Who told them it was ok? The above are just 2 examples but it seems to be everywhere.

I feel like the onus is on all women to change too - change jobs, change our profile pictures, don't walk down certain streets, don't walk alone at night etc. No one ever talks about the onus being on all men

And yes NAMALT, but far too many are and it seems to be normalised, and maybe the "men who arent like that" should do their bit to help women and start calling out the men who are?

"So you are suggesting that all the women stating that it happens rarely are simply brainwashed and somehow too stupid to notice it happening. Can you not see how misogynistic that is?"

It has happened to me many times in my youth and mainly not in the UK so I definitely know it when it's happening, but I also know it doesn't happen to me know because I'm neither young nor pretty.

I think there must also be regional and town and country differences within the UK as well as young and attractive women getting it more.

I became invisible at 50 and am happy to be so. Up until then harassed everywhere, but did deal with it. You do have to be very careful though as some men are nasty and weird. I have been fortunate to also meet some lovely, caring, decent men. It's just sad that nothing has changed since my mother's day and she was a young woman during WW2.

@korawick12345 never have I suggested it happens to EVERY woman, but it does happen to the MAJORITY. Regardless of if they want to believe it does or not. This is the reality of being a woman moving through this world. You're the one who is saying "bullshit" and "another woman calling women stupid" (paraphrasing), when nowhere in either post was that suggested. You're incredibly lucky to be one of the very few women (if you are a woman) have not experienced this. I wish I could have your lived experience and not my own. However you're the only person who has suggested women are stupid or brainwashed. No one else.

@PumpkinKlNG

Men don’t even speak to me so how are they harassing me? Maybe they are speaking to me and I don’t notice that either because I’m so stupid 🙄

I suppose they could be harassing you without speaking to you, staring aggressively, catcalling/whistling, getting too close on purpose, etc.

Also a lot of the people on this thread seem to be talking exclusively about sexual harassment, which is not the only form of harassment women will experience from men.

I went to a drag show with my teen just before lockdown and it was the most relaxed and refreshing environment I’d been out in.

@Susannahmoody

It's happens way more in the UK than in other places.

Which other places? I've not had ANY street harassment in the UK (did get some other stuff in my youth), but got a lot in other countries in Europe, mainly from north African men. This is a problem acknowledged by that community before anyone wants to call me a racist for stating that.

Is there anywhere where women don't get pestered and harassed by men?

Toilets....prison...... oh no, not those places anymore either.

I’ve dealt with it since I was about 12, my daughter is 12 now and she’s having to deal with it too. It’s fucking annoying and unacceptable.

DAILY occurrence? Where on earth do you all live?

Other than the odd shouted comment from a van when I am out running I can't think of any recent (last five years) occurrences.

I did get squirted by a water pistol from a car the other night when I was running but I was in a group with 3 blokes and they got it too.

Becoming a size 20 pretty much ended it for me - it was great! Getting fat was definitely incredibly freeing from the endless unwelcome attention. I got a different kind of abuse but far rarer, so it seemed a good trade off.

Now I’m in my 50s I’m barely visible. I still prefer to avoid male company beyond a handful of individuals. My early experiences put me off them as a cohort and I haven’t seen much evidence anything has changed.

Not sure about is being worse in the U.K. I went to Italy with a girlfriend when we were about 23.

The local men made our time a misery. By the 3rd day we were keeping to the hotel garden and was relieved to come home.

"It's just sad that nothing has changed since my mother's day and she was a young woman during WW2."

Some things have changed. When I was growing up, all builders and road workers whistled at women. That's reduced a lot now. Inappropriate comments from older men to teenagers and young women I presume still happen, but would not be as socially acceptable now. Bum pinching in clubs was quite a thing in the 90s and I'd hope that's gone now, though I have heard of groping in gigs.

[quote sfeirical]@korawick12345 never have I suggested it happens to EVERY woman, but it does happen to the MAJORITY. Regardless of if they want to believe it does or not. This is the reality of being a woman moving through this world. You're the one who is saying "bullshit" and "another woman calling women stupid" (paraphrasing), when nowhere in either post was that suggested. You're incredibly lucky to be one of the very few women (if you are a woman) have not experienced this. I wish I could have your lived experience and not my own. However you're the only person who has suggested women are stupid or brainwashed. No one else.[/quote]
Anyone who reads this thread can clearly see that your post is a very strange distortion of what has actually been said. You clearly have an issue with me because I don’t subscribe to your views. I have never doubted anyone’s lived experience unlike you.

"I still prefer to avoid male company beyond a handful of individuals. My early experiences put me off them as a cohort and I haven’t seen much evidence anything has changed."

That's really sad. Even if harassment is common, most men aren't like that. Sorry to do 'not all men', but it's true.

We are not talking a bit fat though, I’m talking obese, no men don’t harass me they don’t stare at me and they don’t whistle. Are women who say they became invisible when they got older lying as well?

Even if harassment is common, most men aren't like that. Sorry to do 'not all men', but it's true.

My partner is a very good man. My son wouldn’t act this way either.

However, I still believe that the majority of men do act this way, unfortunately. Some are obviously more extreme than others. But none of it is acceptable.

I think that I would be bothered more these days, with the issues of some men. Some seem to have no control over their thoughts and actions regarding women.. I am an oldie now, so have noticed that some male behaviour has worsened over the years.

It's a whole different way of life out on the streets now, regarding some males behaviour.. I can just remember when I was about 17/18 ish in the 1960 era, when you might get whistled at,or shouted at by a group of a friendly bunch of guys on a building site, whilst you walked past in your high heels and mini skirt, so no problems there, it was just a bit of fun, and no one was bothered.

I would not like to be dealing with some men these days, those who have no filter, who are grabby, and touchy, lewd and sweary and nasty minded., they are more to be pitied really.

I’ve never experienced anything I’d consider harassment. I’ve had men look at my boobs, but I don’t think that’s harassing…I’ve looked at other women’s boobs, and both men and women’s butts.

@MotionActivatedDog

Harassing women is nothing to do with looks because it’s nothing to do with sexual attraction. Anyone who thinks they get harassed because the man fancies them is kidding themselves.

Exactly, it's all about power

I've got big knockers so even though I'm almost 50 I'm still getting the odd cat call. But mostly when I was in my teens. And my daughters also say they got cat called and harassed a lot in their teens but not much in their twenties. My 12 year old has my affliction and is already getting comments from grown men who should know better the arseholes

I've always been harassed by men, especially in my teens/ early twenties. At work, on buses/ trains, in the street, bus stops everywhere really.

And not always sexual. The strangest that I remember was when I was a teen and on the train. Two men around my dad's age asked me if my eye colour was 'real' (they are unusual) I said yes and they complimented me. But obviously they didn't think I was grateful enough and then one of the men began to tell me that his own daughter was MUCH prettier than me and I was nothing compared to her.

Men are fucking weird.

I lived in a large communist country in the Far East for 10 years, and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I was harassed. Probably only once or twice.

I’m in my late 40s and haven’t experienced any street harassment for years. Recently dyed my dark hair blonde, first time in forever a guy jeered at me out of his car window at a petrol station. Idiot.

Thankfully it doesn’t seem to be huge thing where I live, mainly because we don’t have main roads as such, just villages and a big indoor shopping mall. It seems to be more of a thing when you have to walk down busy streets with cars.

@HelpingJane

I've always been harassed by men, especially in my teens/ early twenties. At work, on buses/ trains, in the street, bus stops everywhere really.

And not always sexual. The strangest that I remember was when I was a teen and on the train. Two men around my dad's age asked me if my eye colour was 'real' (they are unusual) I said yes and they complimented me. But obviously they didn't think I was grateful enough and then one of the men began to tell me that his own daughter was MUCH prettier than me and I was nothing compared to her.

Men are fucking weird.

Pervert alert! What a ducking weirdo!

Men are gross. It is all men- even the 'good' ones have done something they shouldn't have.