Is there anywhere where women don't get pestered and harassed by men?

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

I feel like in every single environment, public space, workplace etc theres men standing in the wings waiting to harass, peste and intimidate women. I'm nearly 40 and I remember dealing with this shit as a teenager and expecting it to get better - but it hasn't.

We know what it's like for women being harassed on the street and where that leads to - 2 out of 3 girls aged 14 to 21 have experienced harassment but I'm actually surprised it's not higher (it probably is in real life I don't know a single woman who's never experienced harassment) source: https://plan-uk.org/act-for-girls/street-harassment

My niece, who is 18, works at a fast food restaurant and was telling me yesterday that she has to deal with creeps on every single shift. Not just male colleagues invading her personal space, touching her back etc - but she has had to get her manager on more than one occasion to ask a drive thru customer to leave the premises because he won't drive away until she gave him her phone number. She's handed her notice in because the harassment has got so bad and is looking to do factory work where she doesn't have to deal with the public.

I am 20 years older than her and deal with it too even now. I have a game on my phone that I play thats a community based game - eg you can interact with others, swap items, go into each others 'worlds' etc. It's linked to my Facebook so a tiny version of my profile picture comes up next to my username, so people can see I'm female. I get about 15 messages from men a day ranging from explicit, which I report, to "hi lovely can we chat". I just want to play the fucking game without having to sift through creepy messages.

Where the fuck do men get off behaving like this? Who told them it was ok? The above are just 2 examples but it seems to be everywhere.

I feel like the onus is on all women to change too - change jobs, change our profile pictures, don't walk down certain streets, don't walk alone at night etc. No one ever talks about the onus being on all men

And yes NAMALT, but far too many are and it seems to be normalised, and maybe the "men who arent like that" should do their bit to help women and start calling out the men who are?

Plenty of women experience harassment but don't think of it as harassment.

I was harassed by the male optician last time I went in. Initial eye test was done by a female optician. The second appointment was to confirm my contact lenses were OK. The male optician felt the need to attempt to re do the entire eye test. I said repeatedly no the eye test was done last week when I came in. He wouldn't listen and forcibly placed the test glasses on my face. I had to physically hold up my hands to try and make him stop. He looked confused

He was between me and the door, which was closed. I felt threatened. If the door had been open I would have shouted for help. If I had been able to get to the door without walking through him to get there I would have ran to the door. Instead I sat there a combination of afraid and absolutely raging.

Eventually he let me go but not without much tatting and shaking of his head.

It is terrifying that a supposed medical professional didn't seem to clock that NO means NO. Men really don't know how threatening and horrible they can be.

@korawick12345

Well your comments were misogynistic even if that wasn’t your intention. I am sorry you have had multiple distressing experiences at the hands of men but to suggest that women who do not experience this on a daily basis are somehow brainwashed or too traumatised to recognise it is incredibly patronising not to mention insulting.

Not what I said, and simply not true!

@korawick12345 thats really insulting. Dont disregard my lived experience by calling me brainwashed.

@SoundBar

Plenty of women experience harassment but don't think of it as harassment.

I was harassed by the male optician last time I went in. Initial eye test was done by a female optician. The second appointment was to confirm my contact lenses were OK. The male optician felt the need to attempt to re do the entire eye test. I said repeatedly no the eye test was done last week when I came in. He wouldn't listen and forcibly placed the test glasses on my face. I had to physically hold up my hands to try and make him stop. He looked confused

He was between me and the door, which was closed. I felt threatened. If the door had been open I would have shouted for help. If I had been able to get to the door without walking through him to get there I would have ran to the door. Instead I sat there a combination of afraid and absolutely raging.

Eventually he let me go but not without much tatting and shaking of his head.

It is terrifying that a supposed medical professional didn't seem to clock that NO means NO. Men really don't know how threatening and horrible they can be.

Another one- suggesting that YOU are smart enough to identify harassment but those other silly women don’t know when they are being harassed.

@SoundBar

Plenty of women experience harassment but don't think of it as harassment.

I was harassed by the male optician last time I went in. Initial eye test was done by a female optician. The second appointment was to confirm my contact lenses were OK. The male optician felt the need to attempt to re do the entire eye test. I said repeatedly no the eye test was done last week when I came in. He wouldn't listen and forcibly placed the test glasses on my face. I had to physically hold up my hands to try and make him stop. He looked confused

He was between me and the door, which was closed. I felt threatened. If the door had been open I would have shouted for help. If I had been able to get to the door without walking through him to get there I would have ran to the door. Instead I sat there a combination of afraid and absolutely raging.

Eventually he let me go but not without much tatting and shaking of his head.

It is terrifying that a supposed medical professional didn't seem to clock that NO means NO. Men really don't know how threatening and horrible they can be.

Sorry you experienced this, it sounds horrific!

@korawick12345 I'll suggest you don't respond to women who are detailing their experiences of harassment by telling them they're being misogynistic. Lots of women who are harassed don't realise it until much later, and lots of others who experience it like to pretend it hasn't happened as a self preservation tactic. No one is accusing these women of being brainwashed or stupid but YOU.
You're either a man or a woman with your head so far up a men's arses you might as well be one.
Leave these women alone!

@PumpkinKlNG

I’m in my 30s and never get harassed by men, getting fat works!

This. I was harassed, cat called, and treated inappropriately by older men regularly as a teen and until I was maybe late twenties. I was a six foot size 10. Now, as a nearly 40 size 14-16 with two kids in tow, nobody's interested. Only DH 😂

The frequency may vary, but it think some type of sexual harassment is nearly a universal experience for women. Every woman I have discussed this with (and there have been a lot) has had some type of verbal sexual harassment; most have also experienced unwanted touching, and some have been raped. It's men using male privilege to oppress women.

@SenecaFallsRedux

The frequency may vary, but it think some type of sexual harassment is nearly a universal experience for women. Every woman I have discussed this with (and there have been a lot) has had some type of verbal sexual harassment; most have also experienced unwanted touching, and some have been raped. It's men using male privilege to oppress women.

I agree with this, its just not an everyday occurance for everybody.

I think it has a lot to do with the area you're in aswell, I barely ever experience harrasment in the town I live in but if I visit the closet city I do tend to experience it

[quote sfeirical]@korawick12345 I'll suggest you don't respond to women who are detailing their experiences of harassment by telling them they're being misogynistic. Lots of women who are harassed don't realise it until much later, and lots of others who experience it like to pretend it hasn't happened as a self preservation tactic. No one is accusing these women of being brainwashed or stupid but YOU.
You're either a man or a woman with your head so far up a men's arses you might as well be one.
Leave these women alone! [/quote]
I will reply to whoever I want and go and read your posts. You are the one minimising women’s experiences, telling them they are wrong and mistaken not me. I have not cast doubt on anything that anyone has reported it is only you and soundbar who have suggested that women are not recognising when they are being harassed. I am fully able to accept that your experience is different to mine, why can’t you accept that your experience isn’t universal.

The news item where people were quarantining in hotels after arrival in the UK - and the security company were looking to hire women because the men were harrassing the women who'd arrived or were going to send out two men at a time to CHAPERONE EACH OTHER

FGS sake shouldn't that have been kick out the company and take the men to court for harrassment - *chaperone each other' yeah that makes it really safe - unbelievable.

@SenecaFallsRedux

The frequency may vary, but it think some type of sexual harassment is nearly a universal experience for women. Every woman I have discussed this with (and there have been a lot) has had some type of verbal sexual harassment; most have also experienced unwanted touching, and some have been raped. It's men using male privilege to oppress women.

Absolutely but as @Letsallscreamatthesistene said it isn’t an everyday or frequent occurrence for all women

I can honestly say I have never been harassed in my life.

@Weebleweeble

The news item where people were quarantining in hotels after arrival in the UK - and the security company were looking to hire women because the men were harrassing the women who'd arrived or were going to send out two men at a time to CHAPERONE EACH OTHER

FGS sake shouldn't that have been kick out the company and take the men to court for harrassment - *chaperone each other' yeah that makes it really safe - unbelievable.

Completely outrageous and yes the company should have had the contract removed.

No it doesn’t happen to me AT ALL and I’m not brain washed as it use to happen to me all the time when I was slim! Since becoming obese it doesn’t happen now at all and I’ve known what it’s like and known it to happen so it’s not that it is happening and I’m not aware, it hasn’t happened since I’ve become very very fat so

Men don’t even speak to me so how are they harassing me? Maybe they are speaking to me and I don’t notice that either because I’m so stupid 🙄

This thread made me think hard and while it didn't happen every day, it happened most places.

Places where it has never happened to me are...... karate class, The Sanctuary in London, garden centres (odd but true), walking our German Shepherd , morning commuter trains. NCT classes, mother &toddler groups.

@PumpkinKlNG

Men don’t even speak to me so how are they harassing me? Maybe they are speaking to me and I don’t notice that either because I’m so stupid 🙄

You're actually being harrassed everyday, dont you know?!

@PumpkinKlNG

I’m in my 30s and never get harassed by men, getting fat works!

I can add that being ugly does too.

It's happens way more in the UK than in other places.

Yes there is, come and join the over 60's club. I could walk down the street stark naked now and I'd still be invisible.

This.
I was harassed, cat called, and treated inappropriately by older men regularly as a teen and until I was maybe late twenties. I was a six foot size 10.
Now, as a nearly 40 size 14-16 with two kids in tow, nobody's interested. Only DH 😂

Thank god it’s not just me, yes as a teen and early 20s I was harassed daily like how people mention, I was a size 10 then I had 4 kids, gained 5 stone and now at a size 20 I am invisible to men, they don’t even look at me let alone speak to me, I KNOW what being harassed is, I’m saying it doesn’t happen now with 4 kids and size 20

@Henio I live in a tiny town, every single time I would walk down the (only) main road on the way into the town, I would get beeped. The next town over, I've never had anything, in a city I lived in for five years, had quite a bit. Other places I've been to for the day, nothing. So, it's everywhere