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Original poster

Is it the norm for mums to look mortified when women change in the female changing room?

200 replies

Rosewaterblossom · 20/07/2021 18:00

I joined a fitness club this month and have using the gym. The club has a pool/sauna etc, the usual stuff, gym and classes. There are male, female and family changing facilities which you use whatever activity. The club does family swim times.

Today I went to the gym and had a shower/got changed after work when the family swim time was on. I was in the female changing room and a few women were getting changed naked etc, not prancing around showing off, I just mean boobs/fanjo out when changing.

I noticed a few of the mums looking mortified and getting their children to look the other way and even heard one "tut". Is this normal? I don't mean they should let their kids stand and stare which would be weird, but the mums looked very uncomfortable to the point it appeared the women getting changed in the nude was wrong.

Is this the normal?

Thanks.

OP posts:
ShortBacknSides · 23/07/2021 16:43

The ONLY time that I have seen this is when there was a trans woman in the changing room, and I did get dc to ‘avert their eyes’ as I got them out of there as fast as possible. Mainly as this moustached person was quite clearly genitally intact and seemingly very excited to be wandering around the changing room naked, well, except for the black peephole lacy bra.

Gross. No woman behaves like that.

In my gym, women choose either cubicles or open changing spaces. But there's no prolonged nudity, nor any particularly prudish/modest hiding under towels either. I change as quickly as I can, but if you're still slightly damp & sweaty from the sauna or shower, sometimes underwear sticks, and I'm not changing under a towel!

You know what annoys me more in the women's changing room is the posing gym bunnies taking selfies for Instagram.

Soubriquet · 23/07/2021 17:23

Whenever people speak about changing rooms I always remember this post from classics. I actually trawled through it just to find it


My best one was at baby swimming class, or actually just afterwards in the (public) changing room.

One mother was very "loud parenting" her 4-5 month old baby, who was laying on a towel while she dried herself. " Yes I know darling its nearly time for some lovely milk darling..." Like we were all fascinated.....

Next thing she whips her swimming costume off while baby starts bawling. She whips out some PANPIPES and starts frolicking around like a mental naked elf.

There was COMPLETE SILENCE in the crowded changing room while she did this, other than the baby who obviously howled more. Brilliant .
gogohm · 23/07/2021 17:53

Never heard tutting about women, the fully formed man (with make up so thick a trowel would have been needed to apply) did startle me a bit (he/she was actually very sweet btw, we were chatting in the coffee shop afterwards when they apologised for startling me, they thought no one was in the changing room, had been in toilet)

wrigglewriggles · 23/07/2021 18:04

@Bitofachinwag

I have been to swimming pools in other countries where you have to shower and wash properly before going in the pool. And, yes, you have to shower naked. In front of other people ( same sex ) There were signs on the wall with the parts of the body you need to pay special attention too.
I was about to say that some posters would be horrified to use the pool in Denmark as this is just what we have to do here. Full on naked showers ensuring you wash everything including your hair before and after swimming and if you need to go to the toilet during your swim time. Family changing rooms are available and boys over 6 I think, maybe 7, are not allowed in the female changing rooms.
StillWeRise · 23/07/2021 18:04

yeah, right

StillWeRise · 23/07/2021 18:05

sorry, that was re the man in the bra

Hallyup6 · 23/07/2021 18:30

I suggest you have a bit of respect for yourself and others and not get naked in the changing room. Cover yourself with a towel. I have no desire to see anyone without their clothes on in public.

Motleyvegetables · 23/07/2021 18:38

I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. I regularly attend a leisure club with my 9 and 5yr old daughters and family change can get packed so we often use the female change and neither have even mentioned other people’s nudity to me (just normal getting change nudity)

I wish we had the Danish attitude @wrigglewriggles but I think some people would indeed be shocked!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 23/07/2021 18:54

Way to teach your children weird bodily hang ups.

I wouldn't allow mine to run about naked on beaches or anywhere in public; the weirdos are not at all as uncommon a we might like to believe.

In a women's changing room I'd be changing, children or no children, despite any tutting. People are not exactly naked pole dancing in there. What exactly do they think changing rooms are for?

Strong views here also about penises in women's changing spaces. They have no business in there. The day my boy turns 8 - the age our gym/pool deem an appropriate cut-off age for boys changing with their mums - we'll switch duties and he'll go to lessons with his father while I take my swim at the same time, rather than staggering it as we do at the moment.

I have no desire to teach my son that he has an automatic right to women's spaces, or that his needs/wants are more important than girls. Saddened to see the post above wherein mothers of sons frequently take a different stance. No wonder some men grow up with such a sense of entitlement if so.

Not ok.

SoupDragon · 23/07/2021 19:30

Way to teach your children weird bodily hang ups.

It's not a "weird bodily hang up" to want privacy. It's just different to you.

Mockolate · 23/07/2021 20:29

Hate those communal type changing rooms with no cubicles and people standing around in the nudd.
Much rather one of those changing villages you get at swimming leisure centres where you all go in cubicles!

NerrSnerr · 23/07/2021 20:38

@Hallyup6

I suggest you have a bit of respect for yourself and others and not get naked in the changing room. Cover yourself with a towel. I have no desire to see anyone without their clothes on in public.
A changing room isn't exactly public. The gym we use has open female changing rooms and my children have used them since they were tiny, they don't bat an eyelid as it's normal for them. I don't spend a lot of time naked but I can't be arsed with messing around with a towel while I put my bra and knickers on, if people see a bit of bum or breast in the process then that's fine.

My son is only 4 and he'll be using the men's or family cubicle by the time he's 8. In our gym there are 2 separate family/ disabled areas and we don't use them at the moment as I don't feel it's necessary and don't want to take them away from disabled people or parents with babies who need the changing table.

Deathsquito · 24/07/2021 10:47

@StillWeRise doesn’t bother me if you don’t believe it, it was a well known incident in our little corner of the land for quite some time.

Men with a fetish aren’t exactly rare.

ShortBacknSides · 24/07/2021 13:44

I suggest you have a bit of respect for yourself and others and not get naked in the changing room.

I do have respect for my body, which is why I'm not ashamed of it and don't feel the need to cover it up.

Inertia · 24/07/2021 15:29

Of course it’s reasonable to expect women to be naked while getting changed in a female changing room.

If there are family changing facilities it makes sense for families to use those, surely?

aiwblam · 24/07/2021 15:33

These people sound a bit weird. Just crack on with your perfectly normal changing. If they say anything, just say: it’s a changing room so I’m using it to change.

DeleteSystem32 · 24/07/2021 15:35

@Hallyup6

I suggest you have a bit of respect for yourself and others and not get naked in the changing room. Cover yourself with a towel. I have no desire to see anyone without their clothes on in public.
Never come to Finland. You'd have an attack of the vapours.
JeanneDoe · 24/07/2021 15:38

Tell the mums not to worry. At some point in the bit too distant future changing rooms will become mixed sex so there’ll probably be no more boobs and vaginas; replaced with intact male genitalia. 😁

FreeBritnee · 24/07/2021 15:44

I can’t stand naked women bending over to dry themselves with their undercarriage parallel to my eyeline. I haven’t been to the gym or swimming for ages but it certainly happened and it felt like a violation. I manage to get changed with a towel around me so I don’t think it’s necessary.

ShortBacknSides · 24/07/2021 15:52

Tell the mums not to worry. At some point in the bit too distant future changing rooms will become mixed sex so there’ll probably be no more boobs and vaginas; replaced with intact male genitalia.

It's the case already at PureGym

For any PureGym regulars

NerrSnerr · 24/07/2021 16:41

I'm a nurse and have seen so many female and male bodies close up over the years so maybe my views are skewed but what is the issue if someone bends over when getting ready? Firstly you don't need to look if it's a problem but it's just a body. We all have vulvas.

I haven't noticed anyone bending over in our changing rooms or ever felt forced to look at someone's vulva but if I got a glance who cares?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 24/07/2021 16:49

@SoupDragon

Way to teach your children weird bodily hang ups.

It's not a "weird bodily hang up" to want privacy. It's just different to you.

Fair play. If they want privacy then they can use a cubicle, should these be provided in addition.

I shan't be. In a communal changing area I'll be doing what that area was designed for. Changing.

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 24/07/2021 16:51

We're just dropping in to say that the OP has been with us for yonks and we don't think they are a mucky pervert. As you were. Thank you.

Marmitemarinaded · 24/07/2021 18:06

@NerrSnerr

I'm a nurse and have seen so many female and male bodies close up over the years so maybe my views are skewed but what is the issue if someone bends over when getting ready? Firstly you don't need to look if it's a problem but it's just a body. We all have vulvas.

I haven't noticed anyone bending over in our changing rooms or ever felt forced to look at someone's vulva but if I got a glance who cares?

I agree But I suppose just like most things in life It’s about accepting that some people have different views on things, and being… vaguely aware of that.

So there is nothing wrong with, let’s saying picking your nose. But we stop our children doing it. It’s just part of the body. Why do we see bogeys as gross but vulvas are different. We do but children don’t.

My point is - whisky I’m very relaxed about the naked body, I recognise that others aren’t. So I adopt a middle line. Not covering myself like a nun in a changing room, but not walking around as I would in my own home

FreeBritnee · 24/07/2021 20:54

I just think it’s unnecessary. You don’t need to place your privates in the eye line of a complete stranger. I don’t want to see it. Just wrap a towel round.