Got a job interview. How do I hide my perimenopause life hate?

[Itwasquitegood]

I’ve spent the best part of the last year working from home, vacantly staring out of the window at pigeons and blackbirds pecking about my garden and somehow getting my work done. I’ve just started HRT patches in the hope that my low mood, anxiety, crap sleep and general life hate will lift but it’s early days. DH is being made redundant from a full time job and I’ve been working part time in a bit of a ploddy role for 5 years. Need to up my game as who knows when DH will get a new job and I am a bit bored with my job anyway. Have an interview next week for quite a good role. More money, full time etc. But I have zero enthusiasm. Not just about this role but about everything. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things. I think I’ve been like this for a good couple of years. I know I need good old slap. Perhaps a bucket of cold water thrown over me too, but how do I hide all this? I just can’t be bothered but I need to be bothered to keep a roof over our heads and our family fed.

I’m 48 by the way. So you know, not completely ancient but I feel as old as the hills and like I’ve seen it all. Jaded I guess…. DH has mentioned the phrase “fake it till you make it”. Sweet jesus….

Has anyone managed to snap out of this sort of malaise? What helped? How do I generate enthusiasm from somewhere? I’m a healthy eater and regularly exercise …..

Watching with interest

HRT

Once the HRT kicks in you will be your old self. In the meantime your husband is right.

Gosh, poor you. I hope the HRT kicks in soon. I read the menopause being described as ‘the end of joy’ and before HRT, so many women just accepted it. I really hope there’s some testosterone in your prescription too as it can massively help with the ennui.

Oh my goodness - are you me? At least you’ve applied for a job and have an interview - I can’t muster up the enthusiasm to even apply.

I don’t have any advice I’m afraid but you’re not alone.

I think HRT or antidepressants are generally the way to go. I'm 50 and feel the same way. It's a real struggle to even be bothered to talk to people now.

During peri’ I went through a (quite lengthy) phase of fantasising about running off snd starting a one-woman commune on a remote Scottish island. I think it’s a not uncommon feeling to want the world to fuck off for a while as you process a pretty massive transition. It’s a time when you basically decide who you want to be for the next half of your life and when you weed out redundant ways of being.

Maybe treat this interview as a way to decide what’s itching for you right now? Remember, you’re interviewing them too. You don’t ‘have’ to take a job because it looks good on paper unless there’s a significant reason you need to (debts) or you really want to. Could you book in some time with a life coach or similar to re-evaluate what you might want from a job in the future?

You have just described me at your age. Then. I started HRT, the last 5yrs since I started it have been the best in my whole career.

It will get better and better. If it doesn't then try another until you find what suits you.

Good luck 🤞

It’s rubbish isn’t it. You’ve described it exactly. The only things that help me are regular exercise, low carb diet (helps with energy), having treats (drinking at the weekend basically…I know, I know…) to look forward to. My job is interesting and demanding so that keeps me going too, though I do wonder how much longer I can do it. But my overwhelming urge is, exactly as you say, to sit and stare at things.

Seroxat 20 and HRT changed my life

I'm interested in this as I often feel the same way. The doctor told me very firmly that HRT "only helps with hot flushes" and won't do anything at all for the rest.
Other people seem to be saying differently though.
Op I do find that the busier and more active I am, the more my mood lifts. Do you get out and about much?
(I found wfh a real mood killer)

I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things.

Similar age to you op. And currently, this is what I want to do too (though maybe with the addition of a book in hand). I have young children including a pre-schooler (who is due to start pre-school in September) and I have so little enthusiasm/patience exacerbated by the hot weather. I feel fortunate that I am not currently working as I can't take HRT and I honestly think I would struggle with any further demands. On top of this I am assessing everything (like someone said the second half of your life).

You need HRT to kick in! Then you need to be engaging which middle aged women pull off quite well. Bang on about life experience.

I've changed not a bit really (apart from putting up less with other peoples shit) and I've been told twice in a week how engaging and interesting I make things.

You can do it!

Honestly, pseudoephedrine hydrochloride. Its a stimulant decongestant.

No advice, but if its any consolation I'll be 46 on Thursday and feel exactly the same OP, so will be watching your thread with interest.

Can I ask what age you started feeling like this?

I’m 41 and you’ve just described exactly how I feel. It’s so unlike me, I’m normally always a ‘glass half full’ and positive person.

I’ve had a personality transplant in the past year, which I thought was down to lockdowns etc, but I think it’s hormones.

I've really enjoyed reading everyone’s replies. Thank you so much. It's encouraging to know others are feeling similar and that some have come through the other side too! I like all the advice I've been given.

I've been on the lowest dose (25 micrograms) HRT patch for about 6 weeks now. I know they say give it 3 months but think I might go back to the GP and talk about upping the dose. Maybe I'm being impatient? I'm not against taking antidepressants but I guess I need to give HRT a good bash? I do think I need to get out and about more too. WFH and Covid have not exactly been mood lifters for any of us...

@TertiusLydgate this season in life being described as the 'end of joy" certainly rings true. The joylessness is debilitating.

@Craftycorvid - I like your idea of reassessing what you want from life. It does feel like a crossroads. I've always thought I'd like to do some writing, for example. Or have a job that involved a lot more creativity. It's so hard though, when you are under pressure to bring in an income. It's something I'm going to think about. There is this overwhelming feeling that time is running out. If not now then when - type of thing. I wonder if this leads to a type of inertia / paralysis in its self? It’s such a big question to answer? I guess that’s where a life coach would help break it down a bit.

@Bookaholic73 - I think I started to feel like this from around 45? It could have been earlier but I put a lot of it down to the tiredness of having my last baby at 39?

Bloody hormones!! Maybe I should double patch the day before the interview? If only to stop responding to questions with "I couldn't give a rats ass" (poor DH). DH has suggested I wear a badge entitled "approach with caution".....

Hang in there all

@Tiddleztheelephant, I think your GP is misinformed. Have a look at the menopause matters website & Di Danzebrink's resources for starters.

www.menopausematters.co.uk/

menopausesupport.co.uk/?page_id=12873

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/ifp/chapter/About-this-information

Interesting thread. I feel like this too, but have a recent diagnosis of underactive thyroid so I'm hoping it's just the gradual degradation of my health over the past 2 years (and COVID!) that's making me feel like this. If not, I guess I'll be heading for my GP for a discussion about HRT.

I'm 48, done two months on HRT and the old me is pretty much gone.

Goodbye most of my anger and anxiety!!

I'm like this but instead of staring out the window I stare at MN. Can't get HRT because my Gyne says I'm not Menopausal.

I don't think Covid helps, or rather this strange world with nothing to look forward to.

I do recommend taking every opportunity to be around women. My book club, my mum group, my female work colleagues... All lift my mood but also so supportive. And my friends who have been through peri and menopause, so generous with sharing their experience and sympathy.

I am watching many pigeons. But the blackbirds are my favourite. I swear they sunbathe... (or do I need something more than hrt?)

Go for the job. No need to plaster on a smile and say you are ready to take on the world, no. You are a capable woman with a lot to give. Job could be a turning point in itself! Coasting along in a job that doesn't challenge you is pretty glass half full inducing. Just go in knowing your a catch. You are.

Good luck.

Thanks @SummerHouse. Your words are a great encouragement

Blackbirds freak me out a bit when they do their sun bathing thing! So bizarre! I keep thinking they are injured

If hrt is not an option ??

[quote Rosebud21]@Tiddleztheelephant, I think your GP is misinformed. Have a look at the menopause matters website & Di Danzebrink's resources for starters.

www.menopausematters.co.uk/

menopausesupport.co.uk/?page_id=12873

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/ifp/chapter/About-this-information[/quote]
Thank you, that's really helpful!!