Got a job interview. How do I hide my perimenopause life hate?

[Itwasquitegood]

I’ve spent the best part of the last year working from home, vacantly staring out of the window at pigeons and blackbirds pecking about my garden and somehow getting my work done. I’ve just started HRT patches in the hope that my low mood, anxiety, crap sleep and general life hate will lift but it’s early days. DH is being made redundant from a full time job and I’ve been working part time in a bit of a ploddy role for 5 years. Need to up my game as who knows when DH will get a new job and I am a bit bored with my job anyway. Have an interview next week for quite a good role. More money, full time etc. But I have zero enthusiasm. Not just about this role but about everything. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things. I think I’ve been like this for a good couple of years. I know I need good old slap. Perhaps a bucket of cold water thrown over me too, but how do I hide all this? I just can’t be bothered but I need to be bothered to keep a roof over our heads and our family fed.

I’m 48 by the way. So you know, not completely ancient but I feel as old as the hills and like I’ve seen it all. Jaded I guess…. DH has mentioned the phrase “fake it till you make it”. Sweet jesus….

Has anyone managed to snap out of this sort of malaise? What helped? How do I generate enthusiasm from somewhere? I’m a healthy eater and regularly exercise …..

@Sammysquiz

Much sympathy, I feel exactly the same. This pie-chart sums up my thoughts.

Best of luck with the interview - hopefully the person interviewing you will be a menopausal mumsnetter and you can sack off the interview & both go to the pub instead

I love this

I can totally relate to just wanting to sit and stare at things

Absolutely YY to this - what it is?? I feel so detached and remote from absolutely everything, like a clock that has wound down and stopped and can’t get going again.

One of biggest things for me is cooking. I used to bake and make meals from scratch for my brood. I never bake nowadays and can’t bring myself to care one jot what we eat. I’d happily live on bread, cheese and fruit and nothing else. It’s quite sad really.

Also I'm not sure if these feelings that everyone has (me included) can be blamed purely on the menopause. I think the stress and trauma of covid and the resultant lockdowns have got a lot to do with it. I find myself getting really overwhelmed at the least little thing but I'm putting it down to covid stress and almost a PTSD type response (I work in ICU but think we've all been traumatised even if we don't work front line)

I think sitting and staring should be added to the official list of symptoms. I'm the same. Lost all my get up n go and interest in pretty much everything. Can't really be arsed to do very much these days. All the things I used to love - travel, ambition, good food, passion, sex - I just don't really care very much for any more. Sad really.

[quote imstilljenny2]@Peterbear you don't need to see a GP in person for HRT. I have all my appointments over the phone. They may want to check your blood pressure so if you've got a home BP monitor great. If not the GP will tell you how to arrange at the phone appointment.
You can't get it without prescription from a pharmacist (I'm a pharmacist) [/quote]
Thanku for your response.xx sorry to be thick but do you mean I can get it from a pharmacist without speaking to gp? Our gp's are impossible to get either a face to face or phone appt with.thanks

imstilljenny2 I was definitely feeling like this before covid and lockdown. In many ways I feel better as I’m wfh and don’t have the stress of commuting five days a week and driving to endless meetings while I’m there - the thought of having to summon the energy to do that and then having to come home and start the evening shift here doesn’t bear thing about. I genuinely don’t know how I’d manage - I am just so bloody tired all the time

@Peterbear no you need a prescription from a GP. You need to put on an appointment for a phone call from a GP, even if it's in 3 months time. You can't get HRT without a prescription from a doctor. You could go private too I guess.

@Peterbear you shouldn't have to see a private doctor for this. Have a look at your practice website to see if you can do an e-consult, or drop/post a letter, addressed to the practice manager, to ask for an appointment if you're having problems getting through to reception

@Naaaaah

I think sitting and staring should be added to the official list of symptoms. I'm the same. Lost all my get up n go and interest in pretty much everything. Can't really be arsed to do very much these days. All the things I used to love - travel, ambition, good food, passion, sex - I just don't really care very much for any more. Sad really.

@Naaaah sitting & staring at Below Deck (Netflix) & Below Deck Mediterranean (C4) is amusing me at the moment 😀. I hope you find your mojo again 💐

@Itwasquitegood thank you for this thread, knowing there are others who feel this way is helpful. Good luck in the interview

Sounds like me. I’m nearly 50. Mood is crap, can’t be bothered with anything. Can’t even be bothered with the soaps and I used to love them. Spoke to Dr who couldn’t rule of depression or hormones and I’m now on anti depressants as I just couldn’t cope. Been a couple of weeks and my mood is slightly better, I still get pissed off but I find that my mood is less shit and for shorter. Still can’t sleep, still can’t be arsed but one day at a time

I switched careers completely at 50 into something as demanding as prior roles but with zero experience. I am the master of faking it, do it with confidence and a smile. If you're asked something you really don't know a sage, hmm I will need to give that some consideration can I get back to you will give you enough thine to Google/phone a friend.

Forgot to say, no HRT but low dose AD hit the jackpot.

Life hate . Oh yes.

I’m in this camp too. Your post caught my attention. Can’t be arsed with anything involving organising, decision making, processes, responsibility. Anxious. 45. Doc says I can try contraception or hrt. My actual life is fine, great even. I’m happy. I just don’t care about work stuff.

@MistySkiesAfterRain
What does it do and where can I buy it?

you should turn this thread into a FB group for us to moan at each other on!

Yes. Call it 'sit and stare'.

I'm 46 and also can't be arsed. Very short tempered and tired all the time but also can't fucking sleep.

Tried hrt last year made my sleep worse so came off it. Might try it again soon just to get thru the summer hols

Good luck with the job interview OP. You might really enjoy it, start of a new era?

@Itwasquitegood

I've really enjoyed reading everyone’s replies. Thank you so much. It's encouraging to know others are feeling similar and that some have come through the other side too! I like all the advice I've been given.

I've been on the lowest dose (25 micrograms) HRT patch for about 6 weeks now. I know they say give it 3 months but think I might go back to the GP and talk about upping the dose. Maybe I'm being impatient? I'm not against taking antidepressants but I guess I need to give HRT a good bash? I do think I need to get out and about more too. WFH and Covid have not exactly been mood lifters for any of us...

@TertiusLydgate this season in life being described as the 'end of joy" certainly rings true. The joylessness is debilitating.

@Craftycorvid - I like your idea of reassessing what you want from life. It does feel like a crossroads. I've always thought I'd like to do some writing, for example. Or have a job that involved a lot more creativity. It's so hard though, when you are under pressure to bring in an income. It's something I'm going to think about. There is this overwhelming feeling that time is running out. If not now then when - type of thing. I wonder if this leads to a type of inertia / paralysis in its self? It’s such a big question to answer? I guess that’s where a life coach would help break it down a bit.

@Bookaholic73 - I think I started to feel like this from around 45? It could have been earlier but I put a lot of it down to the tiredness of having my last baby at 39?

Bloody hormones!! Maybe I should double patch the day before the interview? If only to stop responding to questions with "I couldn't give a rats ass" (poor DH). DH has suggested I wear a badge entitled "approach with caution".....

Hang in there all

I'm on the patches for the progesterone and oestrogel for the oestrogen. The patches on their own were rubbish! Not nearly enough oestrogen. I am on 4 pumps a day which keeps me sane and is the highest dose allowed!

Well here's a new problem. Once you've GOT the new job, how to rein in your contempt on a daily basis?

I just got a text on my day off today asking for an update on 2 not-very-important-things, because "He wants to know where we're up to".

I very politely pointed out the reason I didn't reply to first message on Teams was because I'm not at work, and second, "He" already has the info because I told him on Tuesday. No number of chirpy emojis is going to make this ok.

My inner snark may have been slightly obvious

@lborgia, I'd say you were very understated. When really you wanted to say 'can't you fucking listen you clown'

So on balance I'd give myself a pat on the back if i were you

Waving from the other side, nearly 54 and it does get better. HRT gave me migraines that first mimicked a stroke which wasn't fun. Menopace supplements stopped the sweats and the urge to either throttle people or state out of the window all day. Now take Menopace Max. Get your B12 levels checked.
In no position to give careers advice as despite excellent feedback on my interview performance my attempts for promotion ended with a patronising head tilt from the 12 year old fuckwit "it's your hours"... slightly reduced to help with grandkids and elderly parents.
Good luck with your interview and update.

I had a horrible two-part nightmare about speaking my truth, everyone hating me for it, and having to go round and apologise. I'm blaming this thread

Hmmm. Im 54 and am straining to reign in my annoyance at your cheeriness whatwould...

Don't think it goes away at all. Maybe you can just hide it better than me ?!?

With regard to the 'try new things' advice, I've shaken off my post-menopausal ennui (late 50s) by doing as little as possible at work (which is a LOT less than I dared hope) and taking up behaving badly. Trespassing, never paying to park, taking what I want and not apologising. It's great. There's nothing to fear. Rules are bullshit.