Got a job interview. How do I hide my perimenopause life hate?

[Itwasquitegood]

I’ve spent the best part of the last year working from home, vacantly staring out of the window at pigeons and blackbirds pecking about my garden and somehow getting my work done. I’ve just started HRT patches in the hope that my low mood, anxiety, crap sleep and general life hate will lift but it’s early days. DH is being made redundant from a full time job and I’ve been working part time in a bit of a ploddy role for 5 years. Need to up my game as who knows when DH will get a new job and I am a bit bored with my job anyway. Have an interview next week for quite a good role. More money, full time etc. But I have zero enthusiasm. Not just about this role but about everything. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things. I think I’ve been like this for a good couple of years. I know I need good old slap. Perhaps a bucket of cold water thrown over me too, but how do I hide all this? I just can’t be bothered but I need to be bothered to keep a roof over our heads and our family fed.

I’m 48 by the way. So you know, not completely ancient but I feel as old as the hills and like I’ve seen it all. Jaded I guess…. DH has mentioned the phrase “fake it till you make it”. Sweet jesus….

Has anyone managed to snap out of this sort of malaise? What helped? How do I generate enthusiasm from somewhere? I’m a healthy eater and regularly exercise …..

@LavenderYellow

I love that you got the job and then turned it down I'm a bit older and am suffering similarly with wanting to sit and stare at my garden. I have just read a thread on AIBU about someone's mother who is 80 and fit and doesn't understand her daughter's lifestyle because she's never had to work. Among the comments that make me want to throw things, there are some fantastic comments from some women who just have to have hit the menopausal eye rolling stage! I feel so much better after reading this wonderful thread!

In the relationship board I mean. This gem stood out particularly: I swear if I make it to 80 and my children whine that I don't do enough of their childcare while sneering about how much time I spent doing mine, I will absolutely lose my shit

Just fabulous!

@Itwasquitegood

You are all making me laugh so much! Thank you

Although a Facebook page would be a good idea, I've had to come off it because of my hateful thoughts towards mankind. I just know that one glass too many and the old fingers would be tip tapping the truth away... Sounds like @KeflavikAirport has an interesting story to tell along these lines

I am liking the direction @Wormholes is taking us with her delightful abandonment of rules and general bad behaviour. Why are we having to take drugs to feel normal and fit into society? Why can't we just go with it and go a bit berserk/delinquent for a few years?

Seriously though, thank you for all the advice and encouragement. Here's to us

I had to delete my FB profile as it was that, or turn to drink, to cope with my utter rage at the whole of the human race!

Love this thread, thanks to whoever bumped it.

I’m early 50s, menopausal but on HRT WHICH I LOVE but finding it hard to give a shit about all sorts of things

There was a meme somewhere saying

“don’t mess with older women: they’re full of rage and sick of your shit”

Red lipstick.

I've just stumbled across this thread - where were you over the summer when I quit my job in a menopausal rage when the literally 20 year old assistant team manager rolled her eyes at me when I said that I wasn't prepared to work more than 6 days in a row at Christmas (I was a .7 jobshare in a related - to - retail role.) The red mist descended and as the hubby had just landed a lucrative contract after being out of work during most of the pandemic I thought it was my turn o do the housework and snark about leaving dishes on top of the dishwasher.

I then went and got a private prescription for HRT patches and spent the month down my allotment muttering about whippersnappers and clueless incompetents.

I do keep in touch with some collegues and to my utter delight the shit has completly ballsed up, like I thought they would and revenge is mine.

On the other hand I'm thinking slightly clearer but the energy levels and joint pain are still really bad.

Upwards Ladies

(Also I'm back to my plan B wich is setting up a holistic health amd massage business as I'm already qualified, I did a course as a hobby/fun before children - so I'm doing a refresher and then going for it)

Solidarity, @ikeairgin! ✊ Sounds a good outcome.

@whereamitoday

So relate to this thread. I just turned 50 and take HRT and sertraline (weaned off recently to see if HRT was sufficient but started taking it again as my up to 11 anger and shoutiness returned!).

On both meds I've had the most amazing 3 years at work - best of my career. I highly recommend Viv Groskop's How to Own the Room podcast as a confidence boost before any interview. I credit it with my last 2 jobs!

Thanks for the podcast suggestion, I'll be putting it to the test tomorrow! Hope it is as magic as you have found it.

That podcast sounds good!

My people!

45, pissed off at the general relentlessness of the boredom that seems to be my working life. I've been in the same organisation (promoted upwards sideways any which bloody way) since I graduated in 1997 and am stuck with a combination of golden handcuffs and imposter syndrome. Am scared of making a jump to somewhere else and not being able to do things differently.

Combined with perimenopause this makes me rage at everything.

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Well this was the best thing to read whilst struggling to have the energy to get out of bed today to spend a day with teenagers (ace apart from when calling me a Karenor a Boomer) whilst inwardly raging at almost everyone and everything else I come across.

Morning. Can I join in? I'm nearly 47 and feeling like a bag of shit. Grumpy beyond, knackered, achey, intolerant and arsey with the world.

Congratulations to you @Itwasquitegood on getting the job. Great that you also turned it down!

I'm going to phone my GP this morning to discuss dizziness and hormones. Hoping that I don't get met with resistance.

I went to the Dr about low mood, shit sleep, and the fact that my get up and go has got up and gone- she did bloods checking for vitamin deficiencies and thyroid function but all was normal. I asked if it could be perimenopause and she vaguely said "hmmm could be" and that I'd just have to wait and see whether it got any worse. Gee thanks, it's already bad enough for me to visit a gp for the first time in bloody years, how much worse does it need to get?!

You're doomed, same as me.
I started a new job after being made redundant, how I got it I'll never know, they asked me a load of stupid questions like "tell me about a situation when....."
At one point I said "sorry I don't have a clue what you're talking about" , because I just couldn't be arsed.
I got the job I think based on my experience in the field.
Now they've got me, they're stuck with me, male dominated environment, they figured out quite quickly that I'm menapausal and now I'm treated with a mix of slight fear / trepidation and with knowing looks passed between them, I'm a bit like an unpredictable pet that they want to make friends with but know there's a good chance I'm going to bite them 😂
The rest of the time I spend staring out of the window in a world of my own 😉

Ps I'm on hrt, it's shit

All I can say is that if you can take HRT and are suffering, fight for it and give it a go.
I'm three weeks in and have 'me' back

I'm 45 and feel exactly the same. But not menopausal so I guess that means no HRT.

My job is exceptionally tedious. I have a birthday coming up and was asked what I want to do - I cant think of a single thing. I just want to be left alone. Like the OP I also had baby at 39 and put a lot of this down to being flipping knackered all the time.

@LindaLooky - I'm not menopausal ( 44) but was experiencing many symptoms that o had no idea were signs of peri menopause.

Not a single hot flush !

But -

Joint aches
Fatigue
Brain fog
Night sweats
Occasional Palpitations
Anxiety that would come out of nowhere
Night time weeing
Restless legs
Dry splitting nails
Occasional trembling ( like low blood sugar)
Forgetfulness

HRT 3 weeks in has diminished or reduced them all.

I have a gel ( oestrogen ) and capsules ( progesterone). Body identical ( very different to bio identical which are unregulated )

Maybe I am then @missfliss!

I have regular periods but terrible insomnia, anxiety, weight gain, dizziness and fatigue.

Thank you all, I thought it was just me that felt like this and finds the birds more interesting than the people.
18 months to retirement and I am not sure how the heck to keep going at work. No teenagers in charge but very nice genuine caring people who actually care about what we do and why we do it and I have to pretend along it isn’t all totally meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

I also have Pinot induced clarity, it is amazing stuff.

And the best bit of each day is colouring in that another day has passed on my spreadsheet

Bloody hormones!! Maybe I should double patch the day before the interview? If only to stop responding to questions with "I couldn't give a rats ass" (poor DH). DH has suggested I wear a badge entitled "approach with caution".....
Hmmm I realised that my DH was constantly asking questions that he could easily answer himself.

" what time is it?" look for yourself
" whats for dinner"x 1000 look on the meal plan

I find this time of life incredibly freeing-DH told to pack it in, Im not here to facilitate his life and he can bloody well think for himself!
And he did.
" I dont give a rats arse" sums up how I feel and its great!

Thanks for this thread. It’s incredibly reassuring that it’s not just me. I have developed crippling anxiety, dreadful sleep, generally feeling flat. My libido has completely vanished which is depressing. To try to combat this I’ve cut out alcohol and caffeine, take various supplements, run 5k a day but I’m still feeling crap.
I started HRT 10 days ago - low dose patches (oestrogen 25). I feel absolutely no improvement yet but I suppose it’s early days plus I’m wondering if the dose is high enough.

Hi OP, this is incredibly typical of perimenopause from early/mid 40’s. I can empathise having gone through this myself. I’m also a gynaecologist who provides menopause care.
HRT very likely to help, but 25mcg patch is a tiny dose - 50 I’d standard I start women on; 75 often needed initially or if symptoms severe. Please ask your GP for a higher dose - I give 4-6 weeks for a dose to have full effect.
Ensure other medical problems excluded - vit D levels (take a supplement in winter anyway), thyroid check, anaemia.
It is absolutely a crossroads in life, and the problem is that we often would like to be doing more for ourselves, when unfortunately this is often the time when we are called upon to deliver most for others - breadwinner and caring for spouse, children, elderly parents.

@quince2figs Thats interesting reading. I'm on 2 pumps a day plus 14 days of progesterone. Night sweats have more or less gone, and I have good days but still have horrific anxiety and despondency some days, especially the week after stopping the progesterone. I'm thinking of swapping to a mirena (sp?) coil inlace of my copper one and seeing if I can up the pump amount. Those little glimpses of me are so hopeful.

Some days I can't even face sending an email or picking up the phone, not good when you run a business. I'm 41, night sweats started before I was 35 so its been a hard fight to get HRT and I'm on month 2.