Got a job interview. How do I hide my perimenopause life hate?

[Itwasquitegood]

I’ve spent the best part of the last year working from home, vacantly staring out of the window at pigeons and blackbirds pecking about my garden and somehow getting my work done. I’ve just started HRT patches in the hope that my low mood, anxiety, crap sleep and general life hate will lift but it’s early days. DH is being made redundant from a full time job and I’ve been working part time in a bit of a ploddy role for 5 years. Need to up my game as who knows when DH will get a new job and I am a bit bored with my job anyway. Have an interview next week for quite a good role. More money, full time etc. But I have zero enthusiasm. Not just about this role but about everything. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things. I think I’ve been like this for a good couple of years. I know I need good old slap. Perhaps a bucket of cold water thrown over me too, but how do I hide all this? I just can’t be bothered but I need to be bothered to keep a roof over our heads and our family fed.

I’m 48 by the way. So you know, not completely ancient but I feel as old as the hills and like I’ve seen it all. Jaded I guess…. DH has mentioned the phrase “fake it till you make it”. Sweet jesus….

Has anyone managed to snap out of this sort of malaise? What helped? How do I generate enthusiasm from somewhere? I’m a healthy eater and regularly exercise …..

I do recommend taking every opportunity to be around women.

This is where things fall down for me. I have daughters (children) but all my other (living) relatives are male. I don't work and all the mums I know are younger than me and not experienced this. I was planning to join a few groups when covid struck so I feel like my options of talking (moaning) about all of this are limited.

But, having said all of this the voluntary work/groups I plan to join have a strong female contingent, it's just unfortunate I haven't found my tribe. A good friend has been through all this but I think it is a distant memory for her.

What I do during interviews is that I interview them more than they interview me. I ask most of the questions to determine if the role is a good fit for me. I occasionally pause deliberately to let them fire some questions at to, because I want to know what they ask.

I couldn't say if that works for perimenopause, but I hope it does. I wish you a good interview, even if you don't feel enthusiastic about it now.

Thanks @CaptSkippy. I like your style Take control (that pumped arm emoji we have in WhatsApp)

it works a lot of the time too. Most employers don't know what questions to ask, so they come with stock questions which you can look up online and prepare for. They appreciate a candidate taking charge. And if they don't then I don't want the job anyway, because it's a sign of things to come.

Wait a minute.......

Birds sunbathe???

Yes, very true @CaptSkippy

Anything to avoid answering awful questions such as "when were you a good team player?" etc... I can see myself just slamming the laptop lid down in a fit of perimenopausal rage......

Tis true @ssd..... They kind of spread out their wings on the ground and don't move. Odd. Only seen blackbirds do it....

Oh, and dress up a little. As in, wear something you really like, as long as it's not a ball gown you should be good.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Honestly, pseudoephedrine hydrochloride. Its a stimulant decongestant.

Say what?

I hid it, and now have been in my job a month and am exhausted. Honest to god, I've no idea how I'm going to keep going.

I'm already taking hrt AND ssri, no idea how I'd feel otherwise. I just keep my eye on the salary, and the fact that it's stopping me from going under.

Oh, and I seem to be putting on a pound a week

Interesting replies. 43, peri menopause. Don’t have periods due to pcos so no idea what stage I’m at. Haven’t approached about HRT, but I’m a middle aged angry anxious woman who cannot muster up any enthusiasm. If there is a cure for this, I need to find it.

Do what captskippy said.

Or take a lover?

Or get drunk before the interview

Sertraline

According to the British Trust for Ornithology, some birds sunbathe "as part of their routine feather maintenance".

I think that prompts more questions than it answers.

Also, do they get to middle age and think "I can't be bothered with this f'ing feather maintenance" like me?

I'm through the menopause (am 60) and I regret to advise you it doesn't get much better - I'd describe my mood as desperate to retire, but financially unable to do so. And I'm freelance (as no-one wants to employ 60-somethings) so feigning enthusiasm is crucial. I had a sudden lift of mood in the autumn after upping my Vitamin D levels, though, so that might be worth a shot?

I felt like this for a couple of years. This year I got a coach. She specialises in Strengths based coaching, but I don't think that the speciality particularly matters tbh. She helped me map my 'why' and set a new vision for myself. Anyway, dramatic career change this year (involving moving country to the most amazing place on earth) and very happy.

Nothing helpful to add OP as I'm feeling v similar to you and others here these days.

The blackbirds sunbathing thing is making a smile creep onto my miserable old cow chops though. Actually watching birds potter in my garden is one of the few things that lifts my spirits these days so thanks for that.

I hope the job thing goes well, OP. Thanks for starting this thread and I hope we all find something which helps to lift the fog

If i get interviewed by a 20 something youngster, that puts me in a bad mood straight away. I'm thinking, bet your mum makes your dinner and irons your shirt, you have no feckin clue. And unfortunately i have a face that can't lie. My lips are smiling, but my eyes just look pissed off

I dont really think its an hrt problem. I know people love it. But i just think its a life experience problem. Im too old to tell you why you (the interviewer) should give me the job. I could have run rings round you if I'd had help with the kids and not had to give up the only job i loved. But you are years away from all that and you'll probably have your mother at your beck and call anyway

Omg I hear you. 42,job interview today, CBA. At all. Suffering from anxiety more than usual, hadn't thought about menopause...

"The doctor told me very firmly that HRT "only helps with hot flushes" and won't do anything at all for the rest."

@Tiddleztheelephant sorry I've just reached your post so I'm sure someone else has replied but your doctor is talking SHIT.

Get on to Louise Newsom the Menopause doctor site, loads of helpful info there and go back and demand HRT armed with the facts! And maybe suggest your doc does some up to date training. That's such a ridiculously outdated thing to say.

(Health care person here).

I've really enjoyed reading everyone’s replies. Thank you so much. It's encouraging to know others are feeling similar and that some have come through the other side too! I like all the advice I've been given.

Oh me too. I’m peri and the gallic shrug encapsulates how I feel much of the time. My sleep is getting worse. Your thread has galvanised me to make a GP appointment to see if there’s anything I can do about it.

OP I love you. I love your thread title and your honesty.

I have come through that very feeling and also successfully interviewed for jobs during it.

Top tip - do something new every day. Just shake up your body and mind often. Make a habit of it. Easy things like new scents of bath stuff, new flavours of tea and coffee, new routes walked, cook new recipes etc. Listen to music/radio stations you don't normally listen to. Do workouts you don't normally do (even youtube videos will do if you cba to leave the house). Do some things that make you actively uncomfortable like cold showers or walking in the pouring rain without a coat. These things all send messages to your brain that you can cope with new and difficult experiences. If you do it a lot and look out for new things as a sort of private hobby, you soon find you feel a bit more energised and engaged with life.

And with the interview thing I got really cheeky in a positive way. When they said why should we give you the job, I said that looking around the office everyone was in their thirties but the product they sold was aimed at my age group and I had direct insight into how to market it. I also said I was at a stage in life where I was free to dedicate myself to my career as DC were grown and that this was the challenge I really wanted. Look for three clear, true reasons why your age and life experience would be an advantage. Age is often the elephant in the room in interviews. You don't need to refer to it if not relevant but you can if it is a benefit to potential employers.

Don't know if should start my own thread but can anyone advise me?
I'm 41 and on the pill but I've had a fair few peri symptoms for a good year now.Do I have to be off the pill to get hrt?

@Craftycorvid - I like your idea of reassessing what you want from life. It does feel like a crossroads. I've always thought I'd like to do some writing, for example. Or have a job that involved a lot more creativity. It's so hard though, when you are under pressure to bring in an income. It's something I'm going to think about. There is this overwhelming feeling that time is running out. If not now then when - type of thing. I wonder if this leads to a type of inertia / paralysis in its self? It’s such a big question to answer? I guess that’s where a life coach would help break it down a bit.

I had a chat with a colleague a few years ago that turned things around for me. She made the point that work isn’t the only way to be fulfilled and that we can meet some of our needs outside of work, eg for creativity. Up til then I’d been thinking I had to find a job that ticked all my boxes. She was a view that a job that was good enough & left you with enough energy to meet your needs elsewhere was perfectly OK. The job you’re interviewing next week may not tick all your boxes, but does it tick enough of them? Could it be a stepping stone to something better long term.