Got a job interview. How do I hide my perimenopause life hate?

[Itwasquitegood]

I’ve spent the best part of the last year working from home, vacantly staring out of the window at pigeons and blackbirds pecking about my garden and somehow getting my work done. I’ve just started HRT patches in the hope that my low mood, anxiety, crap sleep and general life hate will lift but it’s early days. DH is being made redundant from a full time job and I’ve been working part time in a bit of a ploddy role for 5 years. Need to up my game as who knows when DH will get a new job and I am a bit bored with my job anyway. Have an interview next week for quite a good role. More money, full time etc. But I have zero enthusiasm. Not just about this role but about everything. I just want to sit in a chair and stare at things. I think I’ve been like this for a good couple of years. I know I need good old slap. Perhaps a bucket of cold water thrown over me too, but how do I hide all this? I just can’t be bothered but I need to be bothered to keep a roof over our heads and our family fed.

I’m 48 by the way. So you know, not completely ancient but I feel as old as the hills and like I’ve seen it all. Jaded I guess…. DH has mentioned the phrase “fake it till you make it”. Sweet jesus….

Has anyone managed to snap out of this sort of malaise? What helped? How do I generate enthusiasm from somewhere? I’m a healthy eater and regularly exercise …..

@Cushionsnotpillows

"The doctor told me very firmly that HRT "only helps with hot flushes" and won't do anything at all for the rest."

@Tiddleztheelephant sorry I've just reached your post so I'm sure someone else has replied but your doctor is talking SHIT.

Get on to Louise Newsom the Menopause doctor site, loads of helpful info there and go back and demand HRT armed with the facts! And maybe suggest your doc does some up to date training. That's such a ridiculously outdated thing to say.

(Health care person here).

Thank you! At this point she hasn't said no categorically just asked for blood tests for a few other things first. Which is reasonable. I was shocked at the hot flushes comment and felt like she was trying to steer me towards anti-depressants but that was a firm "no" I'll do the blood tests then go armed with lots of information 😊

@ssd

I dont really think its an hrt problem. I know people love it. But i just think its a life experience problem. Im too old to tell you why you (the interviewer) should give me the job. I could have run rings round you if I'd had help with the kids and not had to give up the only job i loved. But you are years away from all that and you'll probably have your mother at your beck and call anyway

This is so true. And unrelated but when some spotty twenty something man calls me "love" like he's talking to his nans friend I can feel the red must begin to descend

Mist

@Cowbells

OP I love you. I love your thread title and your honesty.

I have come through that very feeling and also successfully interviewed for jobs during it.

Top tip - do something new every day. Just shake up your body and mind often. Make a habit of it. Easy things like new scents of bath stuff, new flavours of tea and coffee, new routes walked, cook new recipes etc. Listen to music/radio stations you don't normally listen to. Do workouts you don't normally do (even youtube videos will do if you cba to leave the house). Do some things that make you actively uncomfortable like cold showers or walking in the pouring rain without a coat. These things all send messages to your brain that you can cope with new and difficult experiences. If you do it a lot and look out for new things as a sort of private hobby, you soon find you feel a bit more energised and engaged with life.

And with the interview thing I got really cheeky in a positive way. When they said why should we give you the job, I said that looking around the office everyone was in their thirties but the product they sold was aimed at my age group and I had direct insight into how to market it. I also said I was at a stage in life where I was free to dedicate myself to my career as DC were grown and that this was the challenge I really wanted. Look for three clear, true reasons why your age and life experience would be an advantage. Age is often the elephant in the room in interviews. You don't need to refer to it if not relevant but you can if it is a benefit to potential employers.

Love this interview advice about our age - like a two fingers up at the invisible feeling I have

Do couch to 5k. I did it at 42 having been a life long sport Dodger and now I run just about every day. It's an excellent mood lifter.

Thanks @Cowbells Great advice about trying something new.

Just starting this thread and having the support of you all has lifted my spirits a lot. I wonder if we do need a lot more female solidarity than we realise? In the same way that groups like NCT are really helpful with the baby stage, we almost need something similar for the menopause Even if we just meet and scream our fucking heads off for 30 minutes and rage aginst the unfairness of it all.....

@ssd you made me laugh I have no patience for little twerps either.

Also I heard a super interesting thing in the radio a while back about people with severe depression who symptoms were alleviated by working at a wetlands bird centre for six weeks, so keep up the birdwatching.

Love that @KeflavikAirport I do prefer the birds to people at the mo

Totally relate to this too. Just turned 50. Find Sertraline helps a lot. Low carb diet is v good for weight and energy (need to get back on it!)

Good luck with the interview!!

Much sympathy, I feel exactly the same. This pie-chart sums up my thoughts.

Best of luck with the interview - hopefully the person interviewing you will be a menopausal mumsnetter and you can sack off the interview & both go to the pub instead

Your posts are very entertaining to read OP - they certainly made me chuckle - perhaps that is your true calling!

Love this thread! But how do you get HRT if you can't ever get a GP appt? Can you get it via a pharmacist? Thanks

@Sammysquiz

Much sympathy, I feel exactly the same. This pie-chart sums up my thoughts.

Best of luck with the interview - hopefully the person interviewing you will be a menopausal mumsnetter and you can sack off the interview & both go to the pub instead

Omg that's basically the inside of my head ! 🤣🤣

I had a job interview recently (am in early 50's) interviewed by 2 women older than me - was very thankful as I do feel very (wrongly?) patronised by younger people. I went for the 'this is me and 30 yrs of experience- take me or leave me ' stance and was offered the job. Very pleased but do have to remind myself to be kind,patient and not a cynical old bat on a daily (hourly) basis.😂😍

@ssd

I dont really think its an hrt problem. I know people love it. But i just think its a life experience problem. Im too old to tell you why you (the interviewer) should give me the job. I could have run rings round you if I'd had help with the kids and not had to give up the only job i loved. But you are years away from all that and you'll probably have your mother at your beck and call anyway

What the fuck?

What's with all the snark about how every other woman has a mother running around after them? Do you really not think that women in their 40s and 50s aren't running around after their own children, and often caring for their own ageing DPs to boot?

OP good luck with your interview- if they don't want you - fuck em I say.xx

I’ve found my cynical, constantly irritated, fed up faking it tribe - I bow down to you all

Although as someone who can’t take HRT I’m getting close to the point where I won’t be able to hold in the ‘fuck off with your HRT and your happiness’ that a very loud voice in my head is saying. I’m delighted for you all really

Good lie with the interview OP. The HRT pumped women on here are giving you some really valuable advice, I hope it all goes well 🤞

I love this thread! OP just do what you need to get the money, play the fucking game.

Ssd I can relate. I recently went for an internal promotion. Got in touch with the named contact for an informal chat. Turns out she's a breezy bullshitting 20 something consultant they've hired in who asked what other opportunities I'd gone for within the organisation. I was promoted 18 months ago but it's still fairly low grade and prior to that I'd sat for five years at the same level, although I had gone for a couple of other things sporadically but they'd all been handed to managers' daughters and their friends. I could see straightaway that she'd written me off.

An accurate response would be "no, I didn't previously apply for promotion due to being utterly overwhelmed by raising the kids on my own in a succession of shitty private rented houses owned by crooks and sex pests, being wrongly diagnosed with psychosis when it all became too much and spending years on anti psychotics that turned me into a fat brain dead shut in. However I have now overcome all of that which has given me a level of resilience and fortitude that you could only ever dream of, way above that required for this job that I can give ample attention to now that my kids are mostly grown. But you crack on with your shitty fucking weeding process."

I wish I had said that actually.

Sounds really shitty @SeeYaBeYa

Your response is brilliant. As Oprah would say, "speak your truth"... umm but then we would all be locked up probably

Hang in there xx

Lol yeah the corollary to "speak your truth" is "you can't handle the truth".

Cheers anyway. I'm now applying elsewhere. And I'm going to get my hrt upped.

@MaMelon you make a good point about those who can't take HRT. Seems unfair and wrong that alternatives aren't readily available. If this was happening to men there would be proper research into non hormone based alternatives (I don't mean woo stuff) I'm sure.

I would struggle going back to the workplace (say for example my previous job). Invariably, after taking time out to raise my 3 dc (little one is still pre-school age), I would work for someone who is several years younger than me. I've come to the conclusion, I don't want to be told what to do anymore especially by someone who doesn't have my (painfully) extensive life experience. I also count myself bloody lucky that I'm not forced into this position (though will have to live without the 'finer' things in life such as high end cars/holidays etc. - which is a small price to pay in my opinion).

And yes, to having women's groups. This is sorely lacking and much needed...just somewhere to vent and be validated. As mentioned, I don't have female relatives and few friends (or at least have friends who aren't willing to talk/moan about it or who are many years past this phase in their life.). I don't have anyone to talk to who 'gets it'. Entering the peri has made me realise I need more/better friends...it has opened my eyes to a lot of stuff.

Not sure what the post about having a mother run around after you was about. But I have to say this was one of the factors that stopped me returning to the workplace after dc. My parents were completely unsupportive around childcare (and never once babysat even), yet there are other grandparents who have young dgc full-time whilst their children work. It is unfair. It is a hard lesson to learn that there is a lot of unfairness and it is a lottery as to whether you end up with supportive/unsupportive parents. In general, childcare apart I was born with abusive, neglectful parents and really got the shitty end of the deal which has been brought home to me after having my own dc. And now going through the peri-meno. I am blessed with mum guilt for lacking patience/energy that I used to have. But at least I am still nowhere close to my parents awful parenting.

Wishing you all the best op (and other ladies who find themselves in this situation). I'm really pleased you started this post.

@Peterbear you don't need to see a GP in person for HRT. I have all my appointments over the phone. They may want to check your blood pressure so if you've got a home BP monitor great. If not the GP will tell you how to arrange at the phone appointment.
You can't get it without prescription from a pharmacist (I'm a pharmacist)

Watching with interest, described exactly how i feel, the sitting just staring with no motivation or enthusiasm as if just going through the motions- i do things and get things done if needed but no get up and go- just all gone!

I can totally relate to just wanting to sit and stare at things