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Original poster

My best friend changed the hen party plans and uninvited me.

231 replies

katiie3 · 18/07/2021 23:09

My best friend is getting married and I’m bridesmaid.

A few days before the hen party is to happen she has changed the plans without telling me. She has changed the location and times. The time moved from the evening to afternoon. She changed the times as she found a location she prefers better etc

I work 9-5 and cannot change my working day, so I told her that I can join them after work but she said it will be too late and they will all want to go home as they would have been out all day so it’s fine if I don’t come anymore.

I’m very upset. I feel quite hurt that she has changed the plans and “uninvited me”.

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:

Tigertigertigertiger · 19/07/2021 09:00

It’s not that big a deal .
Certainly not worth losing a friend over this.

NCJuly2021 · 19/07/2021 09:00

Gosh there are some awful awful people on here, no doubt relishing in stirring the pot and telling OP it’s a deliberate attempt to exclude her, or projecting their own poor friends.

It’s the bride’s hen - she’s had a change of heart in what she wants and it so happens you can’t make it. How on earth is it a deliberate attempt to exclude you? It’s on the exact same day, just earlier in the day which clashes with your work, so why do you think it’s deliberate to exclude you?

DecayedStrumpet · 19/07/2021 09:03

Have you been vaccinated OP? Wondering how much of this is about covid risk.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

AbsolutelyPatsy · 19/07/2021 09:04

cut her some slack op,
she must be worried about catching covid, being pinged, having to cancel her wedding at the last minute.
she wont be thinking straight.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 19/07/2021 09:05

Be a shame if you woke up with a temp on her wedding day op... Email that list to someone else...

sotiredofthislonelylife · 19/07/2021 09:05

[quote katiie3]**@WeeM* @Justforphoto* I found out a few days ago and the hen is next week

@ShowMeTheSugar the bride was told of the hen plans due to covid etc so she was told of the dates, location etc

Kept the surprises through the day from her[/quote]
I don’t understand this - firstly you said it was going to be an evening ‘do’, and here you say ‘Kept the surprises through the day from her’.

How could there be surprises through the day if it was just in the evening??

Figgygal · 19/07/2021 09:07

I understand the Covid concerns but yeah she’s treated you really bad I don’t blame you for feeling how you do

WimpoleHat · 19/07/2021 09:07

I’m not sure about this one, either - and I’m usually the first to shout “sack her off!” at the hint of a Bridezilla!

I’m not sure what the plans were before - but, by the sound of it, she’s just changed her mind about doing that. Yes, it sounds daft if it is due to Covid and then she’s going to a spa, but she may well think “Oh God - I don’t really fancy a boozy night out anymore”. It was thoughtless not to discuss the changes with you, but if she and most people in her circle don’t work or work very flexibly, then she’s probably used to making arrangements for an afternoon without it being a problem.

Hard to tell without knowing the tone of the conversation/the people involved, but it’s not necessary huge snub. Especially if the whole hen party idea wasn’t a massive “thing” for her and was just a more casual trip out with friends. She’s clearly been thoughtless, as you’re so upset - but not necessarily trying to exclude you.

Horehound · 19/07/2021 09:12

So who told you about the change of plans if she didn't?

Hathertonhariden · 19/07/2021 09:12

@Shodan

If she is a 'best friend', I would at the very least have expected a conversation before the arrangements were changed - "I'm really worried about the possibility of being told to isolate- I think a spa would be safer, would there be any chance of you getting a day off to do that instead? I don't want to have my hen do without you" etc. That would've given the opportunity to discuss other possibilities. That doesn't seem to be what's happened though.

As for still 'including OP in her special day' - OP can be included by simply being a guest at the wedding. No need for her to complete a long list of tasks on the morning of the wedding to qualify for the dubious 'honour' of simply being included...

This

billy1966 · 19/07/2021 09:14

OP,

Be honest with yourself, what sort of friendship do you have?

Is she a really good friend?
Or is the friendship more lopsided?

Do you generally run around after her?
Do you feel a bit used?

If the answers are yes to the above, then the whole being ditched from the Hen is indeed hurtful, but not unexpected.

Do you feel used for wedding jobs?
If so, then she is not really much of a friend and she has a mug made out of you.

Only you know how you want to be treated in life.

I certainly wouldn't be running around doing jobs for someone so rude as her but others would continue with her list and seethe.

She WAS very rude to contact others and not you.

I can't imagine how anyone would feel happy with her treatment of you.

diddl · 19/07/2021 09:16

Probably hard to tell without knowing exactly what was said.

So it was an evening something & is now a spa day (I'd be glad to not be able to go!)

But I think the not wanting to meet up after is odd.

Perhaps others who can't get to the spa day would have liked to have met up with the bride for drinks/food?

billy1966 · 19/07/2021 09:16

@Shodan
Completely agree.

NCJuly2021 · 19/07/2021 09:17

She WAS very rude to contact others and not you

That’s not what happened...

Thebookswereherfriends · 19/07/2021 09:20

That’s pretty hurtful and I would be wondering why I think they’re my best friend as that’s not something a friend would do. If it’s a total one off and she’s normally a perfectly decent person, then I might put it down to wedding weirdness and still be bridesmaid, but I would not be doing any list of stuff for her. TBH it would make me question whether I really wanted to be bridesmaid.

Cherrysoup · 19/07/2021 09:29

I’d suddenly be unavailable for the morning off the wedding. In fact, I’d consider stepping down as bridesmaid, but I’m petty as fuck once someone upsets me.

PieceOfString · 19/07/2021 09:30

Are you the most reliable person she knows?

I wonder if your best friend status is to make sure her wedding day goes without a hitch, because she doesn't seem to have much care for you as a person. My best friend is that because there is no occasion that isn't improved by having her company there and I can't imagine her being collaterel damage to a preferred venue!

I think you need to have a think about what your relationship really is because you are going to find it hard to be genuinely delighted for her and do your list with good grace after this.

Really sorry she treated you as disposable OP - no venue in the world is good enough to make me do that to my BF

PrettyLittleFlies · 19/07/2021 09:31

I think it's quite odd. I mean it just seems so mean that it's weird. If you've been good friends a long time I think I'd try to get the day off work, go to the spa thing and also to the wedding as planned. I'd hope that her behaviour was a pre-wedding induced oversight and that your good friendship will get back on track after the wedding?

IcedSpice · 19/07/2021 09:31

@katiie3

So she has changed the hen party into a day time thing, so it’s a lunch spa etc. And then a few drink. She isn’t going out into town afterwards due to the risk of catching covid before the wedding etc

I did say I could meet her back at hers in the evening but she wasn’t keen on the idea. But the list and errands for the wedding are still waiting for me.

if she doesnt want you at the hen, then i wouldnt bother being bridesmaid... or even going to the wedding tbh

SarahBop · 19/07/2021 09:35

Can you pull a sickie from work so that you can attend? Make sure your facebook settings are set so that people can't tag you without permission/photos won't be seen by work colleagues.

nzeire · 19/07/2021 09:35

That is hurtful, especially if you organised the original one… have a chat with her about it, if you’re feeling too emotional, put it in an email or text, just saying how you are feeling, is it something you’ve done to upset her etc

redcarbluecar · 19/07/2021 09:37

OP please don’t lie about being ill or do something to disrupt the wedding day. If this has upset you, talk to your friend. If it transpires that she doesn’t care about you, make your decisions then.

PieceOfString · 19/07/2021 09:46

@redcarbluecar

Great advice. Dignified, honest, fair and allows you to keep your self respect.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 19/07/2021 09:47

Can you pull a sickie from work so that you can attend? Make sure your facebook settings are set so that people can't tag you without permission/photos won't be seen by work colleagues.

Absolutely do NOT do this, terrible and irresponsible suggestion.

Hathertonhariden · 19/07/2021 09:51

Are you a hairdresser/MUA OP?

It's odd that she changed it before discussing it with the person organising the original event and didn't seem bothered that you couldn't attend. Was the list of jobs a clumsy attempt to make you feel included again or does she just see you as a support human?

If it's the latter you could always tell her that you feel uncomfortable taking the jobs on as you got the plans for the hen so wrong and wouldn't want to risk giving her additional stress on her wedding day.

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