My best friend changed the hen party plans and uninvited me.

[katiie3]

My best friend is getting married and I’m bridesmaid.

A few days before the hen party is to happen she has changed the plans without telling me. She has changed the location and times. The time moved from the evening to afternoon. She changed the times as she found a location she prefers better etc

I work 9-5 and cannot change my working day, so I told her that I can join them after work but she said it will be too late and they will all want to go home as they would have been out all day so it’s fine if I don’t come anymore.

I’m very upset. I feel quite hurt that she has changed the plans and “uninvited me”.

Am I over reacting?

Haven't read the full thread yet but gosh wouldn't it be a shame if you were contacted by NHS tracing the day before the wedding???

jjj Unjust k

@Newestname001

jjj Unjust k

Oops! Sorry - pocket typing!!

Hi,
I had a similar experience. This is my childhood best friend, she was my MOH. She asked her sister.
I had found out I was pregnant the week before she got engaged and I had told her straight away. So although I was a little hurt and upset, I reassured myself it was all for the best because I was pregnant.
Out of a range of potential dates, the hen party was arranged for the weekend I was due to give birth. Again, hurt and upset! It wasn't a wild hen party and it was local so I would have gone for the day time events any time up to 39 weeks.
The wedding was then postponed due to the pandemic, and happened just the other week. Her fiancé had two best men, and so on the top table as well as her sister was another bridesmaid - a friend from uni. It's hard to explain without sounding petty, but during the build up the last couple of months and throughout the day I was very much a spare part bridesmaid with no real role or able to give any help. There were 8 of us in total but she was my MOH and so involved throughout my whole day (for context I do also have a sister who I am close to), and so not being able to play that part for her was really difficult.

What I am trying to say though - I didn't make a scene. It's HER wedding. If you can't make the hen party, apologise and send a gift. Of course it hurts, you are best friends! But I am so glad I didn't say anything in my situation. I wouldn't have wanted to lose my friend over it. Planning a wedding is hard enough without a pandemic. Just let her get on, but be there when and if she needs you.

I wonder if she’s just not bothered by the Hen do and you’re putting more importance on it than she does? Maybe she said it’s fine if you don’t come because she didn’t want to put pressure on you to take leave. Don’t ruin your friendship because mumsnet has wound you up over this. At least try abs have a chat and say you’re disappointed you can be there after all the prep you’ve done etc. I didn’t read it that she deliberately set out to exclude you.

Op I've read to page four, I just wanted to say how awful it is for anyone trying to organise anything at the moment, with pings going off etc loosing money fear of actually getting covid so certainly cut her some slack for that.

Also do you have a job where you are at particular risk? Are you casual to covid etc..