Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My best friend changed the hen party plans and uninvited me.

231 replies

katiie3 · 18/07/2021 23:09

My best friend is getting married and I’m bridesmaid.

A few days before the hen party is to happen she has changed the plans without telling me. She has changed the location and times. The time moved from the evening to afternoon. She changed the times as she found a location she prefers better etc

I work 9-5 and cannot change my working day, so I told her that I can join them after work but she said it will be too late and they will all want to go home as they would have been out all day so it’s fine if I don’t come anymore.

I’m very upset. I feel quite hurt that she has changed the plans and “uninvited me”.

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 19/07/2021 00:34

Is there no possibility of you taking a day's leave in order to attend the hen do? I don't think she has changed the arrangements in order to exclude you and no doubt she thought you'd be able to take the day off.

Twoforthree · 19/07/2021 00:41

I can understand her fear of catching covid before the wedding tbh.

It’s disappointing but what else could she do?

I’d be disappointed and make that clear, but then let it go.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 19/07/2021 00:41

@Maggiesfarm

Is there no possibility of you taking a day's leave in order to attend the hen do? I don't think she has changed the arrangements in order to exclude you and no doubt she thought you'd be able to take the day off.
@Maggiesfarm

take a day off for someone who couldn't be arsed to accommodate her seemingly BEST friend?
no fucking way.
sorry, but that's the last thing OP should do.

Bridzilla simply doesn't deserve another minute of OP's time, thoughts and affection.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Twoforthree · 19/07/2021 00:41

Covid numbers weren’t so high a few weeks ago.

CheekiBreeki · 19/07/2021 00:46

Eh, I'd probably suddenly change your plans for the wedding day and tell her that you can no longer attend.

Nancydrawn · 19/07/2021 01:01

Hen parties are naff af.

The only reason to have them is to have fun with people you love. Otherwise it's just self-centered and self-indulgent.

I wouldn't make a fuss out of it. I wouldn't pretend you were ill right before the wedding. But I wouldn't take any additional wedding duties on and I'd take a big step back from this friendship.

I can only hope that when the buzz dies off she realizes how foolish she's been and comes groveling with an apology. Though I imagine the chances of that are very slim.

Justilou1 · 19/07/2021 01:02

Sounds like you’re the Bride’s Drudge. I’d be washing my hair instead of doing the shit list.

HelgaDownUnder · 19/07/2021 02:16

When you pull out of bridesmaid duties, give her the same amount of notice she gave you.

I'm sure some of the people she invited to her spa day will be happy to do her chores.

That is beyond selfish.

Noterook · 19/07/2021 02:38

Have you spoken to her about it?

NeedyNora · 19/07/2021 02:44

So she hasn't even gave you the chance to take a days hol so you can go?

Sod that. She's a false friend

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 19/07/2021 03:10

Oh OP I feel so bad for you, that is rough. She's no friend, how hurtful.

I woundn't step down, don't even give her any notice. Just make the right noises and then don't turn up on the day, let her flap about the last minute disorganisation and stew over it all in her dress instead. Horrible cow

gumball37 · 19/07/2021 04:05

I'd be super upset. Likely react with massive irrationality. The friendship would be over when I'd act like all was good and then just not show up and remain out of contact the entire wedding day. Don't be like me.

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/07/2021 04:15

Do you have a job that puts you at high risk for catching covid OP? She sounds quite anxious about that.

AvantGardening · 19/07/2021 04:24

What’s on the list of wedding jobs?

Do you happen to be a hairdresser or makeup artist or something?

Or is it more, can you hold my flowers during the ceremony type stuff?

Mandalay246 · 19/07/2021 04:47

How very rude and selfish. She isn't the sort of best friend I would be wanting to have. I would remain cool, and maybe you will find you don't have time to do all the chores on the wedding morning! Afterwards I would be stepping back from the friendship.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/07/2021 04:54

How did you find out

Billybagpuss · 19/07/2021 05:34

I think you need to talk to her, tell her that you know it’s her wedding, choices etc but you are really hurt that she’s excluded you from the hen yet still expects you to do all the pre wedding prep. You need to have the conversation or the resentment will eat away at you.

grapewine · 19/07/2021 05:41

I can't believe you're not angrier about this.

Russell19 · 19/07/2021 05:45

Did she not let you know she'd changed plans and ask you to take the day off? Then when you said you couldn't she said don't worry about it?? I very much doubt she's changed plans just so that you can't go....
Very dramatic responses on here.

Greytminds · 19/07/2021 06:11

I’m not sure I’d be as cross as some people. It doesn’t sound like she’s acting to deliberately exclude you, but just hasn’t handled things very well.

As I see it, she has had a change of heart about her hen do plans, changed them to reduce the risk of Covid and do something more relaxed. You can’t make it because you’re working. For whatever reason you’re not able to take a day off (and perhaps she thinks you should have considered doing this?!) so can’t make it. I think it’s understandable to be a bit disappointed and perhaps offended but I wouldn’t be flouncing out if the wedding and resigning as bridesmaid over it. It isn’t really about you.

I’d imagine anyone planning a wedding now is dealing with a lot more stress and disappointment than usual due to Covid. Weddings do also do funny things to people. My own best friend wasn’t the best in the run up to hers and it left me quite upset but I recognized the difficult circumstances and moved on.

Everyone tells you ‘it’s your day’ when you start planning a wedding, but actually there’s a ton of other people you need to consider and you can’t always have things the way you want. Not everyone realises that or are prepared to compromise to keep others happy.

OneAlabamaReturn · 19/07/2021 06:17

Well, you're a fool and doormat if you still agree to be her wedding day skivvy.

Entirely your choice, I guess.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 19/07/2021 06:22

So other people can't make it now either?
At least you haven't been singled out, it's bloody rude but take some comfort in the fact that it's not personal, just selfish and decide where you go from there?

Dontjudgeme101 · 19/07/2021 06:31

@Greytminds

I’m not sure I’d be as cross as some people. It doesn’t sound like she’s acting to deliberately exclude you, but just hasn’t handled things very well.

As I see it, she has had a change of heart about her hen do plans, changed them to reduce the risk of Covid and do something more relaxed. You can’t make it because you’re working. For whatever reason you’re not able to take a day off (and perhaps she thinks you should have considered doing this?!) so can’t make it. I think it’s understandable to be a bit disappointed and perhaps offended but I wouldn’t be flouncing out if the wedding and resigning as bridesmaid over it. It isn’t really about you.

I’d imagine anyone planning a wedding now is dealing with a lot more stress and disappointment than usual due to Covid. Weddings do also do funny things to people. My own best friend wasn’t the best in the run up to hers and it left me quite upset but I recognized the difficult circumstances and moved on.

Everyone tells you ‘it’s your day’ when you start planning a wedding, but actually there’s a ton of other people you need to consider and you can’t always have things the way you want. Not everyone realises that or are prepared to compromise to keep others happy.

Are you the bride? You are joking. The op has been treated appallingly. She’s not your friend, let alone your best friend! She’s a user. I am so angry on your behalf. Op, please grow a pair and tell her, what you have told us. Then maybe, she might see the error of her ways. If she doesn’t then you know, she’s not a friend. You deserve better.
ItsVousNotMoi · 19/07/2021 06:33

@katiie3

It’s so bizarre. And she has given me a big list of things to do on the morning of the wedding, yet I’m not even going to the hen.

I feel numb. I don’t want to ruin her wedding day but at the same time I don’t feel like going anymore.

It's going to be unfortunate that you get Covid on the wedding day isn't it?
miltonj · 19/07/2021 06:35

@HeadLikeAFuckinOrange

Oh OP I feel so bad for you, that is rough. She's no friend, how hurtful.

I woundn't step down, don't even give her any notice. Just make the right noises and then don't turn up on the day, let her flap about the last minute disorganisation and stew over it all in her dress instead. Horrible cow

Bit harsh. All she did was change her hen for plans because she's worried about missing her wedding due to covid. Yes she could have made a bit more effort to include all of her friends, but lots of people don't even have hen dos. She might not care too much about her hen, so in her mind it's not a big deal that certain people aren't there. For a bridesmaid to not show up on the brides wedding unexpectedly is awful and much worse than the original 'crime'. Especially when she hadn't even communicated her upset. I'm sure if they had an actual conversation, the op could sort this out.