Page 20 | What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2021 16:52

@GreenBlood

Thanks Arsebucket (what a fantastic name!!😂)

Parental favouritism I think is the most damaging thing in the world...I am sooo resentful and sad about it and it will never leave I think. But I have to add that I have the most wonderful man in the world as my husband and the most wonderful woman as my best friend. And they are priceless and their support is what keeps me going. I just look at mum and wish things had been different. I can't look at my sister at all.

My mum is terminally ill with lung cancer and all my life she favoured my younger sister. I never got new clothes...I remember having 10p to buy a skirt in a jumble sale while my sister got brand new clothes

This could be me Green

I was the oldest of four (me, a pretty and clever sister, a brother ("a BOY!") and a "baby" sister - also pretty and talented). From my first sister being born I can't remember getting anything new. I was like "second-hand Rose".

I wasn't allowed my own toys if they wanted them ("give them you doll - they're babies") and I got second-hand clothes while they got new (because a) they were so pretty - they "deserved" pretty clothes, and b) they both refused to wear anything that wasn't fabulous) - If they wanted it, they got it! (Meanwhile, Poor Little Cinders . . . and yes, I am bitter)

My mam also died of lung cancer - 10 moths after my dad, and guess who was the only child who did anything.

Right first time!

The others arrived to claim their share.

My youngest sister was still "the baby" when our parents died, and she was twice-divorced with two adult children.

Parental favouritism I think is the most damaging thing in the world. - You are right about this - and it's worse when you are the family "scapegoat". I've read a lot of psychology (real psychology - not just "pop" stuff) and it's very, very common, and very, very damaging.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2021 17:03

@longwayoff

A friendly school mum two kids, offered me and my two a lift home. Hurrah, thanks. Drove like a woman possessed. En route, a driver pulled in front of her and she hit him, just a slight knock. They both stopped, she leapt from the car and grabbing him by his collar bent him back against the bonnet screaming "My children are in the car you **er". He stuttered an apology, she calmed down and we left. I was beyond shocked. She was a vicar's wife.

You haven't met one of the lovely vicars I know.

She is affectionately known as "The Sweary Godmother"

PearlNextDoor · 16/07/2021 17:15

Ha ha i remember as a teen being shocked when the vicars daughter ook me out shoplifting. I was used as a distraction.
My mum pointed out to me that if we"d been caught, the whole patish would have believed i showed her how to shovel small items up the sleeves of my parka!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2021 17:26

@MsTSwift

When we found a randoms mobile and went to some trouble to return it she wasn’t in the least bit grateful and started to instruct us as to where we had to bring the phone to her 🙄🙄🙄!

We've had both sorts of responses..

DH found a lovely old-fashioned ring in Asda. We handed it in at the desk, and later that day had a lovely phone call from the lady it belonged to, thanking us for handing it in. It had been her grandmother's and she hadn't had a chance to get it properly sized, but hadn't realised just how very loose it was. We were thrilled that she had got it back.

Second time, DH (again - man has he eyes of a hawk) was a wallet absolute CHOCKA with cash, just before Christmas. As before - handed it in at the desk. Never heard a dicky-bird, though it was collected.

I'm pleased that the owner get it back, but a bit disappointed that they didn't say "Thank you.". Perhaps they were so relieved that they didn't think to ask who found it.

I know you shouldn't expect thanks for doing what is right, but I would certainly make every attempt to thank someone who found something of mine.

CatherineAragon · 16/07/2021 20:28

Sometimes people don't leave their names. I left my mobile on a bench recently in a park. It was handed in by someone but they didn't leave their name. I was so grateful. My husband dropped his phone in the supermarket. Someone handed it in but didn't leave their name either.

My daughter found a very large amount of money lying on a taxi seat in N York. She and her friend handed it into the Police. I doubt very much the owner ever got that money back.

MsTSwift · 16/07/2021 22:31

Ha our lady we got hold of her on her own mobile and instead of being grateful she started ordering us to bring the phone to her! We were a group of friends on a weekend trip to a new city no way were we going to waste our weekend running errands for a total stranger!

Told her we would hand it in to the tourist information centre where she could pick it up and the chap there was saying how grateful the person must have been - we were hmm yes you would have thought so!

NuckingFightmare · 27/07/2021 00:20

I found my DM covered in pills and v confused, rang 999- ambulance -hospital. She'd had a uti and went a bit dotty, so it's possible it was accidental, but the hospital thought suicide
She died 4 days later on dec 15th.
At Xmas dinner, MIL says, "Do you not think it's a bit selfish though, Nucking?
I mean just before Xmas?!"

YukoandHiro · 27/07/2021 00:50

A friend's husband made a personal joke about me, to me, using sensitive and upsetting information he only knew because my friend had obviously confided in him.

The fact that he apparently thought this info was suitable material for a lighthearted jibe (it involved a very upsetting period of time for me, and something that happened while I was suffering very badly with my mental health) means he's gone right down in my estimations.

It shocked and upset me but I've fought hard with myself to just let it go as it's not worth holding a grudge over. But it really is bizarre. I'd love to know if as soon as it came out of his mouth he was embarrassed and regretted it. In the moment I just laughed it off as I was so mortified I didn't have it in me to call him out

Spartan20 · 27/07/2021 01:20

Partner lied to me contradicting everything she had said to me over and over again I just feel hurt by everything going through it at present lie after lie and then moral high ground saying it’s all in your head

GertietheGherkin · 27/07/2021 02:20

@Spartan20

Partner lied to me contradicting everything she had said to me over and over again I just feel hurt by everything going through it at present lie after lie and then moral high ground saying it’s all in your head

It's a horrible feeling when people that we love and care about let us down. When they add gaslighting to the mix and start with the "It's all in your head' comments it's taken it to a whole new level. Them trying to deflect and make their appalling behaviour suddenly your fault, there's no going back from that point I don't think.

When someone is showing you who they are, believe them!

In this instance you are being shown that your partner is a liar, and untrustworthy. They will also stoop to the level of mental and emotional abuse.

Is that someone you want to be with?

Sweetpea1532 · 27/07/2021 06:00

@NuckingFightmare

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum in such a horrible way...your MIL was very unkind to say what she did..your heart must still be broken....it is very common for older women to get dehydrated... this can causes UTI's...the dehydration can also cause delirium which is what seems to have happened in your mum's case. She wasn't thinking clearly.

NuckingFightmare · 27/07/2021 10:17

Thank you sweetpea

Sweetpea1532 · 27/07/2021 11:20

❤

ButYouJustPointedToAIIOfMe · 27/07/2021 14:20

Spartan20 Have seen you on a couple of threads now. Seems like you are going through it at the moment. Anyone making out it's all in your head is usually gaslighting you (term comes from the play Gaslight where a woman is deliberately made to feel like she is going crazy).
If you go to topics and relationships, chat or mental health then start a topic (top left of screen) then you can let it all out and many of us who have been there, done that and got the t-shirt, will support you. Take care x

Anotheruser02 · 28/07/2021 19:10

Jacinda Ardern disappointed me a lot when she defended Laurel Hubbards participation in the Olympics.

alexdgr8 · 07/08/2021 20:41

a person i know, religious, retired HCP, family experience of disability, serious illness and dementia asked about a mutual acquaintance.
when i said the lady had been sectioned, she let out a laugh and rolled her eyes.
i was so shocked, i could hardly believe it. it was almost triumphal, as if crowing, feeling superior. there was no sympathy, concern even for the family, or compassion. just a kind of snort and look of pleasure.