What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

@PearlNextDoor and so what? Some people don't /won't give a fuck about animals. You have no idea what I do or don't donate to or share so off you trot with your judgy pants around your ankles tripping you up. You can't say "each to their own" whilst you are judging people for it

Best friends husband stood up at her funeral & gave a big speech about how devoted they were . Turned out he'd been having an affair . Sent her family members letters informing them of this fact a week after the service . Dumped her belongs by the bins after cashing in her insurance policy . I hope she didn't know about the OW .
Oh & he'd told us all he'd been at her side at the hospice when she died , not true she died alone .

I lost my husband to cancer four years ago. About 11 months later I was in the waiting room of our local hospital and got chatting with a very nice man. We got on like a house on fire and exchanged phone numbers although I told him I was still grieving and couldn’t commit to a relationship - too soon. We stayed in touch and became good friends, and some time later we started a relationship. A couple of years on we’re living together and planning to marry as soon as Covid restrictions are lifted.

I had what I thought was a good friend who had supported me when my husband died. When I told her about my friend (as we still were, at the time) she went absolutely ballistic, telling me that I wasn’t a true widow, I couldn’t have really loved my husband (we were married nearly forty years !!) and that he would be turning in his grave if he knew I’d ‘betrayed’ him with another man so soon after he’d gone. She finished by saying that if her widowed father had taken up with another woman she would have disowned him - for context her dad was 85 when he was widowed, I’m 50. Everyone else, including my husbands’ sisters were supportive and pleased that I had found happiness. The odd thing was that my so called friend didn’t really know my husband - they had only met a few times at various social events - but she acted as though I had betrayed one of her closest friends. I have never been able to get over it and gradually withdrew from the friendship.

Another time, just after I had moved home to my new partners’ part of the world, I bumped into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in about ten years - we’d lost touch after she moved away. She didn’t know my husband had passed away and knowing how close we were as a couple, she said ‘you must have been devastated’. I said that yes, I was and went on to tell her about my chance meeting that led to my new relationship. She listened to me and then said ‘so not THAT devastated then ?’ I couldn’t believe anyone could be so thoughtless. I was speechless so I made my excuses and left. Still hurts when I think about it. Someone once told me that until you experience the loss of a partner, you have no idea how it feels. It really is true, you don’t just lose the person, you lose your way of life and nothing is the same any more.

I was answering the question asked in this thread. Over the course of a few years i witnessed a bunch of women who made a lot of noise about how much they cared about stray dogs but they looked down on and didnt help any fundraisers for vulnerable women, aka, people.

This is what i saw and it did make me see them differently.

Id rather leave this pointless defense now.

For some reason, not knowing these women, and not knowing me, you have decided that i must be unkind to animals.

I posted my experience, what i saw.
And ilthough it didp ut me off these women , i did acknowledge that if they want to care more about dogs than vulnerable women that is their prerogative.

But it made me think less of them.

The End

PearlNextDoor

I don't think my thoughts are an exact mirror of yours, but I can see where you're coming from, and I agree to quite an extent.

Whilst I believe that it's up to individuals where they direct their charitable giving, I would always prioritise people over animals, not to say that I wouldn't want to help animals at all.

I think some people have negative experiences of certain people - maybe a large number of the people they know/encounter - and then extrapolate that to all people in general e.g. "No dog would desert me like that" or "No donkey has every designed a machine gun or nuclear bomb" etc.

They will often see all the bad in the world and attribute it to humans (which is usually true - caused by some humans) and then see animals as the innocent victims of a lot of what bad people do. I suppose they think that humans have a voice and agency to change things (theoretically maybe true, but practically very, very far from it for a great many people) whereas animals have nobody to speak up for them. Also, as many people believe that charity that helps humans is their priority, others may see that and think "XXX get given plenty, but nobody ever cares about the poor donkeys" and so want to even things up a bit, as they see it.

Of course, many people will have many different reasons for giving to animal charities/helping animals - very probably none of the examples I mentioned above. Personally, I believe in helping animals, but I would personally want to direct most of my giving towards humans who are vulnerable/under-privileged/in need.

Then again, we're also members of the National Trust, so although, if I'm honest, we mainly joined to enable us to have fun family days out, technically it means that we direct some of our regular charitable giving to a load of old bricks and furniture.

The people who seem to despise ALL of humanity and ONLY care about animals, I struggle to have much understanding of at all.

I donate monthly to Vancouver Rape Relief and three local animal charities....the only ones I tend to speak about though are the animal charities. People can devote their time and energy to whatever cause they like and I find it a little strange you would think less of people Pearl who care about animals. They have compassion for more vulnerable, voiceless creatures....I think that's a beautiful quality.

@PearlNextDoor

Wow, yes, it's a huge moral failing that I care more about vulnerable people than I care about animals.

Um, no, its you who have commented quite openly on what you see as the moral failing of your former ' rich woman' friends. I didn't accuse you of having a moral failing. Its you who have been judging the 'moral failings' of others.

For some reason, not knowing these women, and not knowing me, you have decided that i must be unkind to animals No again. I said i suspect you don't give a shit about animals. I didn't say that meant you were actively unkind to animals. Please don't lie about what I have said.

@Paddingtonitspaddingtonbear What Sharingthesamedream meant was Jehovah's Witnesses. They call their religion 'the truth' and often use buzz terms like that, such as "cousin Bob is no longer in in The Truth" meaning no longer a JW.

@Susannahmoody

Mate is currently NC with her mother, who I know well.

I just can't get past the utter nastiness of this.

@Susannahmoody Are you seriously this ignorant and shallow, and this much of a bad friend? You should be ashamed of yourself.

@PearlNextDoor Humans like you are the reason I care about vulnerable defenceless animals more than humans, unlike women a vulnerable and defenceless cat or dog doesn't have choices and can't fend for themselves. The more I read of humans on here and their shallowness such as you demonstrate, the less I like them and the more I care about animals.

@moynomore

Hmmm. I buy my kids second hand and use hand me downs and buy myself lovely new things. I won't grow out of them in 6 months! Waaaaay better for the environment etc.

Totally agree. Buying good quality clothes for an adult makes sense. Buying expensive clothes for a child to wear for a couple of months makes no sense.

@PearlNextDoor A person's character and a society as a whole can be judged on how they treat or view animals. The ultimate vulnerable. If they view a vulnerable, helpless and defenseless animal as less worthy of help than a human, then that speaks volumes about their character.

I've never been cruel to any animal, I'm not a psychopath, I don't even have a Pug that cost me two grand in vets bills. I'm a person that empathises more with women than with dogs.

A lot of women think that it would reflect badly on them to openly support a women's refuge or press like on an article about financial abuse. Oh heaven forbid! People might think they've experienced abuse! Oh no that wouldn't make them look good on facebook. But they can only look good for pressing like on a basket of puppies.

So, we should just leave this stupid conversation. You won't get anywhere trying to convince me that my 'take' on these women and who they chose to support and who they chose not to support doesn't say something disappointing about them.

Namaste

@PearlNextDoor

I've never been cruel to any animal, I'm not a psychopath, I don't even have a Pug that cost me two grand in vets bills. I'm a person that empathises more with women than with dogs.

A lot of women think that it would reflect badly on them to openly support a women's refuge or press like on an article about financial abuse. Oh heaven forbid! People might think they've experienced abuse! Oh no that wouldn't make them look good on facebook. But they can only look good for pressing like on a basket of puppies.

So, we should just leave this stupid conversation. You won't get anywhere trying to convince me that my 'take' on these women and who they chose to support and who they chose not to support doesn't say something disappointing about them.

Namaste

If those women choose to support animals, who are truly more vulnerable than any woman or man, it says to me they have their heads screwed on and are of decent character.

That you cannot understand this, says so much about you. So much that is disappointing. At least those women have their priorities right. You don't seem to.

@FlowersinJune

wanted to be added as an intervener. He turned up at the hearing suited and booted, I presumed to lie and say “yes this was a loan”. He didn’t. He told the court what a wonderful daughter in law I was. How my ex was a fool and the deposit was a gift.

^^
What a guy.

Some of these are having me tear up.
The unsung hero type.

I am very into women's rights, even have been posting on GC threads in the Feminist section. Yet still, to me, animals will always come first because it is a matter of who/what is most vulnerable. And 9 times out of 10, that's animals. I will proudly advocate for animals and dogs, and look down on those who don't, so those who do like/advocate dog/animal charities imo are of good character and have their heads screwed on and it speaks highly of them.

Why are you telling me this? You are not the group of women (that I do know) whose obvious priorities made me see them in a different light.

If you put animals before people, I see you in the same light and you should be comfortable with that.

You've judge me. I've judged you.

Please don't derail a brilliant thread!

mine would have to be my DM. My daughter became chronically ill when she was 17 with a degenerative life limiting illness. Initially my parents were really supportive and I'm thinking my DM had mellowed and I'd been misjudging her...no she started being horribly nasty about my daughter and how her illness was faked....because what 17 year old with the prospect of Uni and freedom wouldn't rather fake an illness that leaves you room bound and in constant pain.

I am polite to my DM when I see her but nothing more and it's been 11 years now...she still thinks the same and is now being spiteful because I can't drop everything and be her carer. No surprise she has no friends and my brother sees her as rarely as he can get away with.

My DB is another I no longer see the same way after he told be he didn't want to hear about my daughter as it was 'too depressing'.

Their loss my daughter is fabulous. The experience with her illness has also shown me how incredibly kind and caring people are...I never see any of my neighbours without them asking after her. Even the postman asks how she's doing. People can be so lovely.

[quote NeonDreams]**@PearlNextDoor* A person's character and a society as a whole can be judged on how they treat or view animals. The ultimate* vulnerable. If they view a vulnerable, helpless and defenseless animal as less worthy of help than a human, then that speaks volumes about their character.[/quote]
If those women choose to support animals, who are truly more vulnerable than any woman or man, it says to me they have their heads screwed on and are of decent character.

That you cannot understand this, says so much about you. So much that is disappointing. At least those women have their priorities right. You don't seem to.

Wow, that's a bit of a wacky view but each to their own. I certainly know a few people who are very kind, lovely and gentle to animal and utter and total bitches about other women and children. To the point they'd openly and aggressively wish others ill while cooing and saving little bugs in the garden.

@PearlNextDoor, @NeonDreams. Could you please take your ridiculous feud somewhere else before you completely derail a very interesting thread. Thank you.

@PearlNextDoor

Why are you telling me this? You are not the group of women (that I do know) whose obvious priorities made me see them in a different light.

If you put animals before people, I see you in the same light and you should be comfortable with that.

You've judge me. I've judged you.

Obvious priorities? That the women prioritise innocent and vulnerable defenceless animals over humans who can speak and act for themselves?

Any rational person would see that in a good light. The group of women you know have their priorities right. You don't.

@pam290358 Fair enough. Sorry. I won't comment on it further.

The now ex who made me feel so bad and guilty, as if I had done it on purpose, when I accidently forgot my purse whilst going for a w/e away. Together 9 months and I had been under extreme stress at work, moving house, kids... His reaction make my tummy flip! As if a 'gut' warning to his tightness and lack of empathy. There were lots of other 'experiences' with this guy, before I dumped him. The thing was, I had actually paid for the accommodation on line beforehand!

My neighbour who is 88 and has dementia asked if I could get someone to come to her house to do her hair.
I arranged to meet my mobile hairdresser there.
She finished and neighbour gets her purse out asking how much.
Hairdresser £20 please and while you have your purse out can you sponsor my kid.
I said no she can't.