What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

Them!! Not then 🙈

Why don't you go first...

You first, @NeedyNora.

A friend of mine who now has 2 children. She buys herself designer clothes yet buys her kids clothes second hand. Nothing wrong in second hand clothes but spending nearly £200 on a top for herself and not even spending £4 (asda top) for her child made me see her differently.
Not just clothes but also won't pay for her kids to go on school trips which was £10 each. Said she couldn't afford it. While constantly buying herself new stuff.

School mum friend who often rubs people up the wrong way and is considered unfriendly by lots of people.

My DH was rushed to hospital and spent three weeks in ICU.

My friend had my kids pretty much everyday plus got shopping in for me. She made cakes with them and kept them busy. She had two school age kids and a baby at the time.

She was the only one who offered me practical help.

@CatrinVennastin lovely story of a positive different light!

My XH... became abusive after marriage, worse after DD was born. Sometimes people do things than can never be undone, or unbroken.

I'm sure I can balance this with a positive one if I have a think.

A relative (in law) whom I'll never look at the same way again.
Went to vaccination centre and asked had they a spare for her.
Called Gp asking for spares.
Did a Nadine Coyle and pretended her date of birth was an earlier year in order to get the vaccine sooner, which worked.
When given the date for second dose, she showed up a day early as it suited better because she had holiday plans the next day.
She was never like this before but has got more and more pushy over the years and now clearly lacks any boundaries or self awareness.

Hmmm. I buy my kids second hand and use hand me downs and buy myself lovely new things. I won't grow out of them in 6 months! Waaaaay better for the environment etc.

@NeedyNora

A friend of mine who now has 2 children. She buys herself designer clothes yet buys her kids clothes second hand. Nothing wrong in second hand clothes but spending nearly £200 on a top for herself and not even spending £4 (asda top) for her child made me see her differently. Not just clothes but also won't pay for her kids to go on school trips which was £10 each. Said she couldn't afford it. While constantly buying herself new stuff.

But the clothes she buys herself might last decades. Her kids will grow out of clothes in a matter of months.

Seems like a totally sensible decision to me. I wouldn't spend £££ on something that'll last 2 years or less.

School trips are a different question - that is miserly.

Got rid of their dog. Has really affected my view of them which is a shame.

I am talking about £4 too that her DD wanted. Not an expensive dress to wear on one occasion. Surely £4 isn't a waste to see your DD happy even if it does only last 6 months.

Top *

I was with a group of friends and the conversation steered towards the horrific Sarah Everard case .... one of these friends piped up "I've not got much sympathy as she shouldn't have been out ... covid rules" .

That was all she could focus on in such an horrific situation.

Turned out to be a COVID denier. End of a 30 year friendship.

A former work colleague showed me a screenshot of something that was said about me in a cliquey private work WhatsApp group. It was said by somebody I've never really got on with but somebody I considered to be a friend added about ten laughing faces

Turned out to be a Brexit supporter. That wouldn’t have been so bad in itself perhaps, but it unleashed a wave of bitterness and hatred towards anyone and anything not exactly on the same level, and caused a huge shoulder chip to suddenly appear. Which was odd as said person had a fairly privileged upbringing, but a few bad life choices led to a run of bad luck and unfortunate events. All these are now the fault of either the EU/metropolitan elite/foreigners stealing jobs and benefits at the same time/foreign people full stop/Brits abroad or a combination of all. I backed away completely when she started to go full Trump too. This was before Covid, so I don’t know her views on that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a denier too now.

Grandparent who I felt didn’t ‘approve’ of me but when I had DC was really supportive, especially breast-feeding.

Changed how I saw her, improved our relationship greatly and I was very glad I had the opportunity to see another aspect of her and forge a better relationship before she died.

That and an opposite experience has led me to see people in a more nuanced way and I am the better for it.

Good subject for a thread Nora

I went to uni as a mature student. We tended to hang out together as the conventional age students used to refer to us collectively as 'the wrinklies'. She was my lab partner in chemistry, and had two pre teens. Father was absent, and by all accounts a bit useless. She told me the tale of how she had told the eldest boy it was his fault his father had left. She acknowledged that it wasn't, but came up with a bullshit excuse that it upset him, and it was better for him to let his feelings out, which he wouldn't have done but for her. End of a friendship, particularly as I was the child who was blamed for adult failings semi-continuously.

A colleague who presented herself as a completely pacifist person, to the extent she said she could not play the part of attacker in a work-related role play. Then she wacked a wasp with such deep aggression, her mask came off in an instant. I'd always felt a bit wary of her stance but couldn't put my finger on it, then there it was.

I can’t believe someone has been judged for buying their rapidly growing child second hand clothes and buying nice stuff for them self, that’s totally reasonable!

A family member had a life changing operation last year during the 1st lockdown, all family rallied around keeping within the restrictions except for 1 person.
They played the bloody matyr 'my life is worse than anyone else's'.
When they were told some home truths, they decided to block all family members from contacting them to apparently 'make us realise how badly we'd treated them'.
Will never view them the same way and have lost all respect for them.

Friend of 30 years had an affair with a married man. Got all the usual 'you don't understand' 'It's different for us' 'We're in love' blah blah blah. No, just no. Witnessing lie upon lie so easily roll off the tongue of someone I had considered to be an honest person was astonishing.

And this was after previously tearing into friend's husband who had cheated. So a hypocrite to boot.

Apologised

A very close friend had a very slight car accident, the other car pulled out of a junction and into the back of her car.. the lady driving the other car and was at fault was another friend of mine but those 2 aren't friends..
1st friend who was hit told me she was going to pursue a claim for whiplash and other ailments despite having no injuries, as she could do with some money.
In an instant I saw her differently and couldn't come back from it.

My best friend had an affair with my now ex h. That certainly made me see her in a different light. It wasn't just that though really-it was the things that came out afterwards such as horrible messages she'd sent him about me, (some whilst she was actually out with me having what I thought were good times)the lies she'd told, the ways she'd tried to manipulate me, conversations between us all that I now look back on and realise were actually about something else-I would never have called it in a million years. It's been 6 years and I still don't trust my own judgement about people anymore.