What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

A friend’s girlfriend who made him get rid of his cat when she moved in with him. Actually, it made me see them both in a different light.

2 Lovely colleagues (or so I thought) who both when hearing about the April Jones murder blamed the parents for letting her be outside the house

@Longislandicedteaplease

A very close friend had a very slight car accident, the other car pulled out of a junction and into the back of her car.. the lady driving the other car and was at fault was another friend of mine but those 2 aren't friends.. 1st friend who was hit told me she was going to pursue a claim for whiplash and other ailments despite having no injuries, as she could do with some money. In an instant I saw her differently and couldn't come back from it.

That would finish a friendship for me. What a nasty piece of work. Sounds like a situation I had with an old school friend who met up with me. She told me that her baby was the child of another woman’s husband and that she made sure she pushed the pram up and down in front their home. It gave her pleasure. That was the end of that friendship.

I experienced the same - discovering a
family member had been having a 6 year affair with her daughters class mates Dad. Friends with the Mum through their children, ended up cheating and lying for 4 years. Secret trips away, romantic meals, secret phones. She forced his hand and is with him now, happy families, and this poor woman who has given the best years to their family is gone.

It just makes me so, so hard to respect them, see them at family events, it's just completely changed how I view her as a woman and as a person. I find it hard to be in their company and leave just feeling plain sad about it all. Don't know how to get past it.

Neighbour who offered to sell us stolen goods. Stolen by her crook husband.

A friend knew that a group of parents at the school were talking about me and ds behind our backs, some pretty nasty stuff (all untrue). She let slip she knew what they were saying and she didn’t stand up for me or correct them.

Ended the friendship there and then. I could never behave in that way.

@theworldsbiggestcrocodile
Snap.

Best friend of 30+ years. God parents to each other children did exactly the same.

Our whole friendship was a lie,

Person in wider social circle was a bit quiet, wore slightly old fashioned dowdy clothes. Then revealed she and her husband were into live action role playing (fantasy type stuff) and showed us some photos. The outfits - wow. Think Xena warrior princess. Got distinct impression she and equally grey looking husband liked to 'get off' in costume. Golly.

and....

Work colleague told two of her staff she had cancer. She didn't. Total lie to try and deflect/explain away some serious trouble she was in. Got caught out when employer wanted to refer her to Occ Health.

More men than I care to count, in friendship groups and at work - all appeared to be lovely, settled and committed partners / husbands etc, only to become complete sleazes when out alone.

Two friends who got rid of their dogs because they hadn't put the work in to train them so didn't trust them when they had children. Both have since decided toddler + puppy is a good idea and got new dogs now. Makes me 😡

I also have nice ones - the ex neighbour who always seemed grumpy and unfriendly. Passed him walking his dog once and he was chatting away to her as though he was taking a toddler out. Softened a lot towards him after that.

A man I've known since I was a child (friend of my dads) who was nice but very self-contained. I was rushed into hospital years ago when I lived 4 hours from my parents.
Dads friend found out and in the 3 weeks my parents were at my bedside he walked their dog, finished some basic contract building work my dad was in the middle of (they're in the same trade), dealt with my dads business calls etc then did a small food shop ready for when they got home. I would never have expected that from him before.

When I was a teenager at school I had a close group of friends and it all came out one night that one of the women (we were all 17/18) was a serial liar. She’d been telling us all really awful things that weren’t true (and telling each of us not to tell anyone else) like that her mum had cancer (she didn’t) and that she was having a sexual relationship with one of the males in the group (nothing had ever happened between them). She had been so graphic when talking to others about the sex stuff that they didn’t question her. I tried to talk to her about why she made it all up and she point blank refused to discuss it.

She’s really troubled and I hear (twenty odd years later from the only friend who stayed in contact with her) that she’s now so morbidly obese she’s bedbound and has no life. She has carers who come in to wash her and bring her food and she spends all day every day watching tv. It’s really sad.

Lovely person, beautician, chatting away as you do. Talking about her new puppy ( large breed), I asked who was with the dog while she was working 10 hour days? Nobody, the puppy was in it's crate, with a bowl of water, until she got home. Ten hours. What are plans for when it grows a bit and doesn't sleep so much, are you going to employ a puppy walker (asked hopefully)? Nope, just buy a bigger crate as I can't risk my furniture.

Went on holiday with uni friend in the summer holidays - she decided she was missing her boyfriend of two months and couldn’t continue with the holiday, so told the tour rep that her cousin had died in horrific circumstances and that we needed to get the first plane home.
She was really pleased to let me know that we were booked on a plane the next day . Not keen to stay there on my own, I went home with her. I saw her in a very different light after that.

My brother, if I don't have to speak to him again I'd be happy.

Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he didn't bother going to see her and he was only concerned about the £570 she owed him. He did end up coming to see her the day before she passed, but that was to only pick up his money.

Then spent weeks pretending he was the grieving son!!

One of the senior managers in our office refused to put £10 into the drinks kitty on a night out because he was teetotal. Then drank about 6 J2Os during the night from the kitty (whilst still going on about it being outrageous to contribute to other people's drinks) I was pregnant at the time and drank tap water but still contributed. I know this sounds a petty reason but he made such a big fuss about not paying. Very mean I thought. It definitely made me think less of him.

@Longislandicedteaplease

A very close friend had a very slight car accident, the other car pulled out of a junction and into the back of her car.. the lady driving the other car and was at fault was another friend of mine but those 2 aren't friends.. 1st friend who was hit told me she was going to pursue a claim for whiplash and other ailments despite having no injuries, as she could do with some money. In an instant I saw her differently and couldn't come back from it.

Yeah someone tried that one with me! We were probably both at fault, him for parking a In ridiculous place when there was a carpark to park in and me for not just staying where I was and reversing in from where my OH Truck was parked in the delivery bay. It's only narrow road and I wasn't sure if I'd have enough swing so drove round again to pull in forwards. Unfortunately the passenger side front bumper of the other persons car was smack in my blind spot and the drivers side wheel arch scraped the bumper. No damage to my car just a very faint line where my paint had transferred. His had a few more scuffs on it and my paint but no other damage whatsoever. In all fairness we could've just swapped numbers and I would've paid for the re spray but he insisted it went through the insurance. Got a phone call to say he was putting in a claim and could I send the photos I'd taken because they didn't think it added up. Then a few weeks later they phoned me to say he was claiming for soft tissue injuries and asked how fast was I driving. About 5mph, and my car scraped his not hit it so only a slight impact. These supposed soft tissue injuries appeared 6 weeks after it happened. Think they saw right through him on that one because nearly 2 years since I haven't heard anything. Although he did claim off my insurance a brand new front bumper for £1800. Would've been less hassle to buy a bottle of T-cut. Hardly surprising though. I mean who has a top of the range BMW and only insures it third party. Unfortunately for me I was also 9 weeks Pregnant at the time and miscarried the following day although there could've been a number of factors in that one.

My cousin and his wife had a baby girl that died at one day old, no signs anything was wrong during pregnancy, all seemed healthy and well. It turned out to be an unknown disorder, very rare and is only now being studied.

On the morning of the funeral my MIL pondered to me if they had done anything that "would have killed the baby?".

@Dontbeme

My cousin and his wife had a baby girl that died at one day old, no signs anything was wrong during pregnancy, all seemed healthy and well. It turned out to be an unknown disorder, very rare and is only now being studied.

On the morning of the funeral my MIL pondered to me if they had done anything that "would have killed the baby?".

Jesus christ, what is wrong with some people

My 'uncle'. I use the term loosely.

My paternal Aunt and he were my godparents, been in my life every step. Christmases, birthdays etc. Aunt called me most weeks, doted on my children etc. Aunt sadly developed cancer and died aged 57. Uncle ghosted us then eventually cut the whole family off and never contacted us again. My children, who loved him to bits, were devastated and couldn't understand why.

I realised at that point that my 30 year relationship with him was just a facade to placate my lovely Aunt.

My mums ‘best friend’.

My mum had a few years of cancer when I was a child. Her best friend always promised to keep in touch, promised that she would cook me a curry every now and then after my mum was gone (they were both indian, my dad is English, wouldn’t have a hope in cooking indian food!).

My mum died when I was 11. After the funeral she (and all my other mums friends) were never heard from again. My dad bumped into one once shortly after and she abandoned her trolley in the supermarket and scuttled out when she saw him.

Arseholes.

Married a man despite admitting to friends she didn't actually love him then promptly filed for divorce less than 2 weeks after he adopted her child.
Ink was barely dry. She now uses that financial cosh on a regular basis.

My SiL had a small party for her DD. Did a speech thanking everyone there for their support, advice, clothes, baby sitting… literally thanked everyone for something except me. Totally embarrassed me! Not to mention I’m not in a position to lend out car seats, cots, clothes etc. Needless to say I declined the next invite.
I now have a better idea why half her family don’t speak to her.

@thefourgp

When I was a teenager at school I had a close group of friends and it all came out one night that one of the women (we were all 17/18) was a serial liar. She’d been telling us all really awful things that weren’t true (and telling each of us not to tell anyone else) like that her mum had cancer (she didn’t) and that she was having a sexual relationship with one of the males in the group (nothing had ever happened between them). She had been so graphic when talking to others about the sex stuff that they didn’t question her. I tried to talk to her about why she made it all up and she point blank refused to discuss it.

She’s really troubled and I hear (twenty odd years later from the only friend who stayed in contact with her) that she’s now so morbidly obese she’s bedbound and has no life. She has carers who come in to wash her and bring her food and she spends all day every day watching tv. It’s really sad.

Not saying this is the case with your ex friend, but I had a couple of friends (one from primary school and one from college) who both used to tell lies about all sorts. Turned out both were being abused and this was them crying out for help.

@TheMirrorofHerDreams

My grandfather. I always saw him as a soft, smiling gentle old man, full of humour.

He had moved away from family and about a hour away from us to be near the seaside.

Over the years they had a few medical issues but even though they were in good health with a hip and back issue it had slowly fallen to me to help with shopping, cleaning and so on. I was driving a distance every second weekend to willingly help out as I really enjoyed their company (I always felt sorry for him as no one seemed to have time for him)

One day I quickly called to say I had found the details of the thing he wanted and I would drop it off in a day or two. He was obviously put out as he wanted the item then and there.

He didn't hang up properly and heard him say to his wife how fucking useless I was. Looking at her makes me ill knowing she is with a [very nasty racial slur]. She is an absolute lump of a human with no redeeming features what so ever. Ugh, I despise her. No wonder she cant find a decent man to get married too instead of her [racial slur] boyfriend. How could she not be ashamed of herself. Didn't she take pride in herself? God, [my fathers name] must be so bloody disappointed. Her age, no husband, no kids and not even a looker. It wouldn't be so bad is she had a high flying career to show for it, but no she's got nothing to show for herself, nothing. I'm embarrassed for her, I'm embarrassed to be seen with her and her [racial slur] boyfriend

I was shocked. absolutely floored. Then I was angry.

I called him back later in the day. Advised him that he hadn't hung up, that I heard everything. I coldly said I would not be back. He tried to say that I was confused and I was talking about a mutual acquaintance. I replied that we both know that is a lie, goodbye.

That day I found out why no one had anytime for him.

That's utterly heartbreaking, I'm so sorry you had to find out what he was really like in such an awful way.

TheMirrorofHerDreams I'm so sorry. That's devastating. What an awful man.

The way my dad told me my brother had died. I found out that day that he had died 3 years earlier. I felt and still feel incredibly angry towards him and saw him for the narcassist he is.