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Original poster

My husband died suddenly today

478 replies

vickibee · 06/07/2021 01:57

And I don’t know what to do. It has not sunk in yet and I only know it happened at work around noon.
I don’t know if there is anyone up to talk to I just feel I need some human contact

OP posts:
Ruthietuthie · 06/07/2021 02:27

I am so sorry, Vicki, my heart just breaks for you and your son.
I am in the US, so on a different timezone than a lot of posters, so I am here if you want to post through your night.
For today, just try and drink water (or tea, that's good too). Just focus on being in each minute, not looking ahead, just getting through one minute at a time. You poor, poor love.

galaxyfairy · 06/07/2021 02:27

I'm so sorry. He sounds lovely. Thinking of you, and sending strength your way Flowers

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:27

We had him late in life and have been called geriatric parents. I was 39 so 53 now
He was 61, prob most teens have gp of that age.
He wanted for our son everything he never had as a child. He died never knowing who is father was because his mum who abandoned him would not tell him. She emigrated to USA when he was six

OP posts:
BirdyBee · 06/07/2021 02:28

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Boomisshiss · 06/07/2021 02:28

Your son sounds lovely as well Vicky like his Dad. You are going to get through all of this together. Please try to remember to have a little bite to eat soon. I know you won’t fancy it but keep your strength up for your Son.

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:31

I am going to keep him off school for the rest of the school year.

We went for a walk in the dark about 10 pm just to get some fresh air

I am worried he will have a breakdown, he is asd and doesn’t manage his emotions at the best of times.

OP posts:
SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 06/07/2021 02:32

I'm lost for words. It's shocking enough to read, but I can't imagine how it must feel to be happening to you. Just, huge hugs. Please do take little bits of food - toast is good - and keep drinking. It sounds as if he was very hardworking and wanted you to be well looked after, make sure you're taking care of your body to keep going for him and your son. And again, huge hugs.

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:34

He was a big fan of Barnsley fc and we have gout our season tickets for the new season. I feel robbed of all the time he should have had.

OP posts:
veryblearyeyed · 06/07/2021 02:34

I know you have a long list of things to worry about, but try to get on counselling waiting lists soon rather than waiting to see how your son does.

DeRigueurMortis · 06/07/2021 02:35

I'm so very sorry Thanks

It's good to know family are rallying round you at this most desperate of times.

It's understandable you won't feel like eating but try and "nibble" anything you feel you can stomach as best you can.

Toast, a biscuit, a little bit of fruit. A few bites here and there will help give your body energy to help absorb the trauma.

Take whatever help is offered to you. Ask if needs be. Food cooked for your son for example, shopping and most of all a hand to hold and caring company.

Post as much as you like here if it helps and equally don't when it doesn't.

Thanks
user8984277 · 06/07/2021 02:36

So sorry to hear this OP.

The smart watch just broke my heart. Sad

Little steps at a time.

I know you don't feel up to it but please try to eat something, a few biscuits/ crackers/ toast or maybe dsis could bring you some smoothies to keep your strength up. Thanks

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:37

Is there such a thing?
I have been trying to get him emotional support in school because he was not coping, very bright academically .he was referred to CAMHS by our Fsw but they refused to see him so I am not hopeful

OP posts:
Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:40

I am a morning person usually, early to bed early to rise. I normally go to bed before ten but I know I can’t settle
I have had a glass of milk, the leftovers from the Sunday roast are staring gat me in the fridge.☹️ There are reminders everywhere

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 06/07/2021 02:41

You might want to contact Winston's wish for your son.

Details here:

www.winstonswish.org/

It's a charity that supports bereaved children and is very well regarded.

They are well placed to offer support to him and you as a parent x

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:42

Yes thanks for that link, it looks like it could help

OP posts:
PattyPan · 06/07/2021 02:42

When I was at school there were a couple of my friends who sadly experienced the loss of a parent and the school arranged grief support for them, I am sure they will be able to put something in place for your son.
You need to think of yourself too. Do you work? My work has an employee assistance programme which can offer counselling, maybe if you could access something similar (not immediately- in a couple of weeks maybe when you’ve had more time to process). Or your GP might be able to help you find a support group.

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:44

Yes I work part time so I could be home more for DS. It is a small private sector co so I doubt they do anything like that

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 06/07/2021 02:44

In the days ahead you need to concentrate on you and your son. Eat and sleep that is all you need to do. Anything else can wait. Let those around you help. Your sister sounds lovely and your mum may not be able to help but will be equally heartbroken for you. Allow them to wrap you both in their warm blanket of love. You can do this Flowers

DeRigueurMortis · 06/07/2021 02:44

You might also find this organisation really good for you in time when you are ready OP.

way-up.co.uk/about/

GingerScallop · 06/07/2021 02:45

Am so so sorry for your sudden and shocking loss. No words Flowers

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:47

My mum never actually liked him, she knew he had a troubled past and said on our wedding day that he was on probation FFS.
He has never forgotten that. I am sure she quietly warmed to him over the years

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 06/07/2021 02:47

@notangelinajolie

In the days ahead you need to concentrate on you and your son. Eat and sleep that is all you need to do. Anything else can wait. Let those around you help. Your sister sounds lovely and your mum may not be able to help but will be equally heartbroken for you. Allow them to wrap you both in their warm blanket of love. You can do this Flowers

Very good advice.

Sunnydaymum · 06/07/2021 02:48

I'm so sorry to read about your devastating loss. I have no practical advice that hasn't already been said by the other lovely posters. Your husband sounds wonderful... practical, kind, strong, generous, loving, hard working, thoughtful...tell us more if it helps. Where/How did you meet? Is your son like him in any way or does he take after you more? Well done for getting out for a walk earlier...I think you are doing amazingly well

Iamtheweedonkey · 06/07/2021 02:49

I am so sorry to read this, truly horrific. Night is probably the worse time, can you put on your husband's jumper or jacket and watch videos of him, have a warm drink and try and eat something.

Original poster
vickibee · 06/07/2021 02:49

Our son said he was scared he was going to lose me too.
I am going to have to look after both of us better.

OP posts: