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Original poster

My husband died suddenly today

478 replies

vickibee · 06/07/2021 01:57

And I don’t know what to do. It has not sunk in yet and I only know it happened at work around noon.
I don’t know if there is anyone up to talk to I just feel I need some human contact

OP posts:
Original poster
vickibee · 21/09/2021 16:21

@SunshineCake1
TY for thinking of me, honestly my mother is very self centred. She always wants to be made a fuss of and is very manipulative.
I would normally help out wher I can but I just don’t have the energy
As far as my boss is concerned I reckon I have scared him off so he won’t be asking again lol. 😀
I am seeking a new job just where others dint know my history. I had one interview last week but was unsuccessful and one the week before who never got back to me which is a bit rude. I am not very good at interviews

OP posts:
SunshineCake1 · 21/09/2021 16:30

Your mother is not your priority. Your son and yourself are.

Hopefully the boss will leave you alone. Maybe keep an eye out for another job and just see the previous interviews as practice.

Original poster
vickibee · 28/09/2021 13:38

My mother makes herself everyone's priority, she is so selfish and inward looking
At the weekend she said she was lucky with her genes and was going to live to be 100, shame about my Dh who had defective genes
I was so gobsmacked I ignored but it has really upset me and I am dwelling on it to the point where I don't want to see her anymore, I used to forgive her comments becuase of her age but this is a new level

OP posts:
Silkieschickens · 15/10/2021 03:28

Vicki Hope you and your DS are OK. I would do whatever will make life easiest for you and DS re your Mum as you have enough on your plate.

Original poster
vickibee · 24/10/2021 09:49

So it is our 23rd wedding anniversary today. I miss him so much and can't help feeling robbed of our future together. We didn't really celebrate our anniversary that much bit always exchanged a card Nd if he was here now we'd prob be eating breakfast together and looking ahead to today's footie match. Me and DS will still be going but it is just not the same. Life can never be the same ...

OP posts:
Tickledtrout · 24/10/2021 09:55

Wishing you the very best on you and your darling husband's special day OP.
Hope you and your son are doing as well as can be expected. Do you have a new job?

Original poster
vickibee · 24/10/2021 19:07

@tickledtrout
Thnx for asking I was offered a new role this week with a charity. It is hybrid working so that is ideal as it means I will be hone more for ds even though I am WFH I can be available if there is a problem. I was over the moon initially but now I am having a wobble. They say u shouldn't make big decisions when u r grieving.
Ds got a mini report from school and it is amazing considering what he has been thru. Feel proud of him

OP posts:
Coffeepot72 · 25/10/2021 09:34

Morning Vickibee, I do hybrid working and it's great, the best of both worlds. And your son has done amazingly well, what a star!

I often think about you, and of course yesterday will have been particularly difficult for you. I hope you keep posting xx

Tickledtrout · 25/10/2021 09:43

The new job sounds very promising. Is there someone irl who you respect professionally and can give you a clear eye? Hybrid working should offer you the flexibility you need and some adult contact- can be good mentally to get out of the house for a bit.
You must be v proud of your ds.
Take careFlowers

Ariela · 25/10/2021 11:41

New job sounds fab, I have flexible working some at home some in the office and it's great - we have an elderly dog so need to be about at times. Why don't you post on the Employment and ask if there is anyone would like to be a New Job Buddy, starting a new job same time as you when you've been in your previous job for so long everything will be a bit of upheaval and someone in the same boat to talk to about your concerns and issues that isn't involved/doesn't know you or the company might be helpful?

Original poster
vickibee · 25/10/2021 13:49

TY all, the anniversary was hard, but he is in my thoughts every minute of everyday. I think Xmas is going to be even harder. Little things seem insurmountable, our shower has a small leak I think it is only the sealant on the edge but My DIY skills are useless. DH was a tradesman and did everything like that.
I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going. I am looking into finishing my CIMA qualification so I have something to focus on with my mind. It is a hard course and most people who do it are in 20s or 30s not 50’s .

OP posts:
Coffeepot72 · 25/10/2021 16:30

Mum died when she was 54. Dad was also 54 and it completely broke him, understandably. But he DID get better. Like you, he just took it one day at time (not that you have many other options!) and eventually he managed to move forward and carve a new life for himself. We still talk about Mum all the time and I know she's never far from his thoughts, but he has come out the other side.

Original poster
vickibee · 26/10/2021 07:32

I guess it is still early days, I do feel broken like a part of me died with him, if it wasn’t for my son I think I would give up completely.
I Will search for the light at the end of the tunnel

OP posts:
Original poster
vickibee · 30/10/2021 07:47

My mum is ill again, all week and it has fallen on my sister to stay over with her. I am getting it in the neck because I am not doing enough to help. I am barely coping myself, everyday is a struggle bit I feel so bloody guilty that I am not in the right frame of mind for this
It is not fair that all this appalls on Dsis , she needs prof careers as we can’t carry on this way. BTW Dbro is at his villa in Almeria , gone for six weeks. He has always been selfish like that.
People don’t seem to understand how hard it is to look after DS he is ASD but he has always been good at masking

OP posts:
Schhhteeevie · 30/10/2021 07:52

Sending Flowers you don’t need to justify yourself to others. As another poster said, you and DS take priority now

mustlovegin · 30/10/2021 07:55

Flowers Be strong OP

2018SoFarSoGreat · 30/10/2021 08:04

You do have lots pulling at you right now, @vickibee. But you're being so strong, and even if it's one step at a time, keep going . Sending strength and 💐

Original poster
vickibee · 30/10/2021 08:37

Thank you all, it doesn’t stop me feeling guilty that I can’t be all things to all people.
DS and I are going to the theatre later to see School of Rock so looking forward to that, just to sit there for 2 hours and forget about it all.

OP posts:
Dontjudgeme101 · 30/10/2021 09:49

Yes, you enjoy yourselves at the Theatre to see School of Rock. You definitely need to look after yourself. 💐💐💐

Coffeepot72 · 30/10/2021 13:04

Hope you have a lovely time at the theatre!

Original poster
vickibee · 31/10/2021 06:47

The performance was absolutely amazing. Engaging from start to finish.
It was good to have a few hours without intrusive thoughts going round my head. I even managed to drive into a strange city which is progress as I lack confidence in my driving ability. My Dh always did the driving. I guess I am going to have to adjust to lots of new things

OP posts:
Coffeepot72 · 31/10/2021 20:21

That’s great to hear, well done you!

Original poster
vickibee · 01/11/2021 15:22

@Coffeepot72. Thank you
I have mini triumphs but I still can’t talk or think about DH without filling up.
The weather was so bad yesterday an we stayed home, didn’t speak to a soul all day apart from ds who came out of his room for about 30 mins all day. We would prep lunch together watch tv together, chat Etc I miss him so bloody much it hurts, part of me has also died with him 🥲

OP posts:
Schhhteeevie · 01/11/2021 17:25

Flowers I can’t even imagine it, you are very strong x

Coffeepot72 · 01/11/2021 19:55

Are there any small changes you can make, to maybe do one or two different things, or maybe see a few more people?