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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
FlaminEckVera · 01/07/2021 19:42

[quote yummytum]@Mymapuddlington I think that's absolutely ridiculous! I will have to ask him outright if he's embarrassed by me drinking a glass of fizz whilst we enjoy our meal 😂[/quote]
Ridiculous? But in your first post, you made it clear that you taking your own fizzy drinks (to meals out,) was embarrassing him, and making him feel uncomfortable. Confused

Go back and read your first post. Did you forget what you said or something? Confused

TheUndoingProject · 01/07/2021 19:43

I’d defer to my partner’s understanding of his family. If he thinks they find it odd they probably do. That said, you seem to be standing on ceremony with them - I wouldn’t really regard going to dinner at my in laws as a “dinner party” situation per se - they’re family!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 01/07/2021 19:43

I wouldn't mind.

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Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:44

@FlaminEckVera It's ridiculous because who on earth would feel embarrassed by it Hmm

DH just thinks it's odd

OP posts:
mam0918 · 01/07/2021 19:46

@yummytum

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account

Why on earth would I do that?! He should just want me to enjoy myself and leave it at that! Surely?

but you will be in HIS family home... do you have form for being rude in other people homes?

weather the concept is rude overall depends on relationship and circle, it might be fine in your family/friends but you have straight up been told its not whats accepted in theirs and since its their house you accept that or dont go.

Biancadelrioisback · 01/07/2021 19:46

First time having a meal with acquaintances? I wouldn't and I'd just take what's on offer.
Going for dinner at family/friends? Bring your own if you want!
I always take a bottle of wine or fizz when I go to someone's house, if I'm not drinking I'll take a soft drink for me too so as to not put the host out

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/07/2021 19:47

I'd be glad you took your own if you will only drink one type of fizzy drink. I was annoyed once when BIL's ex came round to a party and refused ALL offers of our soft drinks. She wanted Diet Coke, not Coke and we only had Coke in. Soft DH abandoned all our guests and drove out to the shop to get Her Highness some. I mean, come ON! If you're going to be that fussy over which fizzy drink you want, just bring your own bottle of it, for god's sake. Can't stand attention seekers and fusspots.....

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 01/07/2021 19:47

I think it's fine, though it would be more polite to bring a bigger bottle. And it would be more polite of them to offer you a soft drink.

My in laws would often forget to offer me a drink at all if I wasn't drinking wine. But I thought it was odd that they didn't have even a jug of water on the table.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/07/2021 19:48

BTW, she does drink alcohol too, I honestly think she was just being deliberately princessy. BIL is well rid.

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:49

I noticed I put 1/2 litre bottle! What I meant by that is a 1 or 2 litre bottle!

So generally just a usual share size for £1 or something

OP posts:
cuparfull · 01/07/2021 19:49

You say you bring 500ml of your preferred fizzy drink ....that is not a volume sufficient to share at the table given a can of cola holds 350 ml.
It looks as tho you're selfishly pleasing yourself by not sharing.
Take your host wine/chocs aswell so it looks gracious and you are then bringing something to the party.

cuparfull · 01/07/2021 19:50

soz crossed post.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 01/07/2021 19:51

what would you do if they run out as lots of people wanted to drink it?

PicturesOfLily · 01/07/2021 19:51

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact I’d be happy that you had something you liked. I hope I’d remember though and get it in for the next time.

Blankspace4 · 01/07/2021 19:51

I think it is a bit strange. I’d bring a bottle of soft drink to share amongst whoever was there - but I certainly wouldn’t take it home with me afterward.

Usually if I’m not drinking I’ll just have tap water if they’ve no nice soft drinks in

Jumpingintosummer · 01/07/2021 19:52

Do you only drink one brand of fizzy drink?

I wouldn’t say anything to you but I would probably think it was very odd. At our house there is always non alcoholic options such as squash, water, lime cordial, soda water, san pellegrino or apple juice.

MagicSummer · 01/07/2021 19:52

No - I think it's rude unless you have some kind of food/drink intolerance. If you don't and don't like the beverages on offer, just drink water.

Nancydrawn · 01/07/2021 19:53

First, I don't think it's weird to bring a non-alcoholic beverage with you.

However, it is very weird to...

  • Bring just half a liter, which means it's clearly for personal consumption and not as a house present/to share. No one brings a half-bottle of wine for themselves and drinks it alone. That would also be rude and weird.
  • Bring something like Coke or Pepsi, which is a pretty juvenile drink. If you want to bring a nice sparkling water, flavoured or not, I wouldn't blink an eye. (If you are very young, you can get away with this. It's not rational, but it is a cultural norm.)

That said, you said this was a family member's house? For that, I think some of the rules go out the window, particularly if it's casual.

BogRollBOGOF · 01/07/2021 19:53

I take soft drinks where I know that the only option is tap water which is a lot of houses.

I don't drink tea/ coffee, am intolerant to milk (not helping tea/ coffee) and get thumping headaches from artifical sweetners that are in most soft drinks.

If someone wanted to bring a diet drink to my house because they don't want full sugar, that's fine by me too.

I drink a lot of tap water, but it doesn't really add a sense of occasion when it's the only practical drink on offer. Also when you know that there's nothing else to drink and just ask for a glass of water, people can be surprisingly awkward and stubborn about it. I don't want to ecplicitly state that everything else on offer in the house will make me gag or feel ill!

Nancydrawn · 01/07/2021 19:54

(Just saw that I cross-posted about the half liter, which is a relief!)

Notaroadrunner · 01/07/2021 19:55

@Lesartisansetlessansculottes

Yes. You are being rude and weird. You take what is on offer. We all do that.
Don't be so ridiculous. If I was offered a choice of wine or tap water I wouldn't be too impressed. If I bring my own preferred non alcoholic drink then I'm happy and the host doesn't have to concern themselves with what I'd like.
magicstar1 · 01/07/2021 19:55

Not a problem at all.
If you came to my house with it, that’d be fine. But the next time you came over I’d make sure to have some in. I always try to get what my guests like.

Crockof · 01/07/2021 19:55

@Lucia574

I wouldn’t mind, but I’d think you were a bit weird. Most adults don’t drink fizzy drinks with meals: I’d always put iced water or mineral water on the dinner table and non drinkers would have that.
And this shows why the op has to take a drink.

You are a crap host. A host doesn't decide what it suitable meal drinks for a guest, a good host serves them what you want.

Op this thread is clear yanbi

Osrie · 01/07/2021 19:56

When all others offer is alcoholic drinks I think that’s thoughtless. It’s like decades ago when the only alternative for a vegetarian guest was a lump of cheese. So no I wouldn’t think you rude.

ramarama · 01/07/2021 19:56

depends how fancy the occasion is - if just heading to a girlfriend's house then fine, if heading to a dinner party then it does appear both odd and a bit rude. Like a child who isn't enough of an adult to just smile and say 'that's fine thanks' and accept a glass of water. Sorry.

Different if you are making a huge effort to stop drinking alcohol or in AA etc, and you really need a special subsitute.

The reason people take wine to dinner is that is a substantial gift to the host to thank them for the expense and effort of feeding everyone. It's not supposed to be a £1 bottle of lemonade, as it's not much of a contribution so looks stingy. So maybe take your fizzy drink but also a pack of posh biscuits or chocolates.