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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:15

@minmooch you sound like a lovely host Smile

For what it's worth, I usually always bring a little token something, be it chocolates or cake, and often offer to provide desert but I've a few people who would be most annoyed and fall over themselves to do everything themselves (including a range of soft drinks)

One friend even asks 'Do you want it in a can or glass?'. Classy she is

OP posts:
Arsebucket · 01/07/2021 19:15

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I was hosting you. I want my guests to feel comfortable. If that means bringing their own stuff then fabulous.

BarefootHippieChick · 01/07/2021 19:16

We have a lot of parties and get togethers and everyone basically brings what they want to drink as we all drink something different...so no, whether it's alcoholic or not, I really wouldn't care

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MaBroon21 · 01/07/2021 19:16

Op, I wouldn’t mind at all but if I did it when going out I’d also take a separate gift for the hostess

Oh, and someone would only have to bring a particular soft drinks to my house once because the next time they came I’d have bought it in for them.

canigooutyet · 01/07/2021 19:16

If people want to show up with a bottle of whatever I really couldn't care less. And how is it any different to people showing up with a bottle of wine or whatever? No one batters an eyelid when someone shows up with their own craft beer for their own consumption, even if the host has provided alternative drinks.

When I moved into my first place, someone brought some sugar. Should I and others there been offended by this? Because I didn't have sugar should I have just offered them water or whatever else I had in the house?

Although pretty shit host tbh that has people over regularly and they still aren't providing things their guests would like. I still don't use sugar, but I do try and make sure my guests can have a drink of their choice whilst in my company.

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:17

@Lesartisansetlessansculottes

Yes. You are being rude and weird. You take what is on offer. We all do that.

But people bring wines they fancy all the time? My soft drink is a free for all too

OP posts:
MorganSeventh · 01/07/2021 19:19

I think for me it depends on event. A barbecue, no problem. A full on dinner party, I would probably just stick with water.

I think in this case, though, you must know the hosts fairly well, as they're your in laws? And as your husband has asked about it in advance and said, 'People must feel really uncomfortable' about a meal with his parents, I think you can read between the lines and extrapolate that his parents have indicated to him that they do find it uncomfortable. Whether or not you care, depends how well you get on with them, I guess.

BradPittsLeftTit · 01/07/2021 19:20

I think the only thing that's odd is the size (half a litre?) and that you say 'you can have some if you'd like' which really implies it's not for sharing

It's like a dinner guest bringing a bottle of wine just for themselves (as you seem to be comparing it to those bringing alcohol). But the difference is that usually alcohol is shared with the whole group

Im the same as you OP and don't drink and do often being something but I make sure it's a couple of bottles of something posh and fizzy (is schloer still posh-probably not 😂) and make sure the host knew if was for all the guests should they want any.

Bringing something for yourself is a little strange I think

frogsbreath · 01/07/2021 19:20

I wouldn't bat an eyelid, I don't drink alcohol or tea or coffee and often end up with the stale half bottle of cordial from the back of the cupboard.

So, I've learned to take a 6 pack of j20 or some other politely passable soft drink than can be used as mixers for others but just main drink for me.

SwayingInTime · 01/07/2021 19:20

People are odd and bad hosts if they’re bothered. I would definitely arrive with a ludicrous array of distracting soft drinks if I was trying not to drink alcohol (and have!). I know you don’t have this issue but you don’t need a reason!

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 01/07/2021 19:21

If I knew you didn't drink, I'd get a selection of nice non-alcoholic drinks for you. If I knew you liked one drink in particular, I'd make sure to have some in the house. So no, I wouldn't mind you bringing it but I'd provide it as host if I was aware in advance. I wouldn't expect you to make do with tap water while everyone else quaffed wine (it used to annoy me having to do this when pregnant).

ILoveToads · 01/07/2021 19:21

I wouldn't mind at all, I don't drink fizzy drinks so I don't keep an assortment in the house and some people only like a certain drink.

I would hope if I knew the person well enough I would know what they liked so I could get their choice drink in though.

I like wine with my meal, I'd be a bit put out if I was told I should put up with water!

Unless no alcohol house of course.

Lipz · 01/07/2021 19:22

I usually ask the guests before hand what they are drinking and get it in. If someone wanted to bring any type of drink I would not be offended. I'd rather they had something they enjoyed. I don't see any difference in bringing alcohol or soft drinks, I'd never judge someone for bringing soft drinks, sure many turn up with wine as a gift .

Namechange1067949 · 01/07/2021 19:22

I think when people bring wine, it’s a gift because other people also want wine. Also wine is typically more expensive. The way you said you phrased it sounds a bit like it’s yours, and you are willing to share, rather than you have brought it as a contribution

…do you take it home at the end of the night too?

BradPittsLeftTit · 01/07/2021 19:23

Sorry to add to the other side though and echoing others, if the hosts are family I'd expect them to know you well enough to have something for you.

My PIL always have a great selection for me so I would say they WBU to not have something you like in, especially as family

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:23

do you take it home at the end of the night too?

No. Unless the host hands me it and says take it, I don't drink it etc

OP posts:
Showgurn · 01/07/2021 19:24

Is fizzy in this situation a soft drink? I hosted dinner guests recently, one of whom is a teetotaller so asked for her drink preference in advance. For a party I’ve always got in cola and lemonade for both non drinkers and as mixers plus chilled both still and sparkling water. If someone brought a different soft drink I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest

LaBelleSauvage123 · 01/07/2021 19:25

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest - in fact I'd think you were being thoughtful ( you've bought it so I don't have to). But then I cart round Redbush tea bags everywhere I go!

TolkiensFallow · 01/07/2021 19:26

I wouldn’t mind but I would think it’s rude if you don’t share. Same with wine, if you bought wine and wouldn’t share I’d think that was rude too.

canigooutyet · 01/07/2021 19:27

If the inlaws are feeling uncomfortable they could resolve this by catering to all their guests correctly. They are thinking about the others and providing alcohol. They also have the additional option of water. The op even takes something else to share in addition to the drink.

Would it make it different if say the op wasn't catered for in the same way as the others, food wise? If so how?

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 01/07/2021 19:27

We don’t drink any fizzy drinks and have none in the house, I’d be relieved that you brought your own!
It's not quite the same as wine though... that’s brought as a gift for the host to open and share
Yours is more for personal use (although I know you said you’d share but it is a different vibe)
I can see why your husband might be a bit embarrassed as there is the possibility it says that the hosts drinks aren’t ‘good enough’ and.... something slightly childish about it - sorry! Although I can’t really justify why I think that

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 19:27

I would think this was perfectly normal, especially if the person was driving. I've taken a really nice bottle of alcohol free gin/wine and a bottle of sparkling elderflower to mix with it for me (and anyone else who wanted to join me) and also something like wine/chocolates for the host. I can't stand drinks with artificial sweetners in and most people tend to provide soft drinks with them in.

Isababybel · 01/07/2021 19:27

It really isn't rude at all, ignore those saying that it is Shock
If you were a good friend of mine then i would probably know your favourite drink and would make sure i had it in the house for you, but i certainly wouldn't be offended if you brought your own. It means more wine for everyone else Wink

81Byerley · 01/07/2021 19:28

When we go out to dinner we take wine and Pepsi Max. I don't drink alcohol, and it's good to have something you like to drink!

SmileyClare · 01/07/2021 19:28

Each to their own I suppose. I can't imagine chugging sweet fizzy drinks with every meal. It must be so gassy!

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account. It's not the same as gifting a host wine on arrival.