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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
TheUndoingProject · 01/07/2021 19:06

I’m a recovering alcoholic and I sometimes bring my own soft drinks to friends houses. Otherwise I think people can feel rather awkward about I all - and I view it in the same light as bringing a bottle of wine (although I do that to!) or a vegan bringing a specific dish.

I wouldn’t do it outwith close friends - then I’d just drink water.

BrilliantBetty · 01/07/2021 19:07

Is it really necessary to drink wine

No of course not. But would there be no other option available? Most hosts would have something soft too.

topcat2014 · 01/07/2021 19:07

I don't have fizzy drinks in my house normally but would buy something for visitors for a meal

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Wanttocry · 01/07/2021 19:08

Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

I’d think it was a little weird yeah. I wouldn’t be offended though. It’s different to taking a bottle of wine because normally when people take a bottle of wine they give it to the host, they don’t put it in the fridge saying “oh I brought this, have some if you want.”

AbsolutelyPatsy · 01/07/2021 19:08

how many times are you invited out that it is an issue?

LindaEllen · 01/07/2021 19:08

@Catawaul

I think it's strange, like you are addicted to it and can't go an evening without! If it was catering for a special diet or allergy that would be fine.
The problem is that people can't go an evening without alcohol, therefore can't understand why other people don't drink, so don't bother getting soft drinks in for a dinner party, hence why people like OP find it easier to take their own.
Bloodybridget · 01/07/2021 19:08

I wouldn't be offended. We only ever have tap water and wine to offer with meals (might get sparkling water in for a dinner party) so if someone really likes a particular soft drink, much better if they bring it!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 19:09

it's fine.
I prefer people bringing their own stuff anyway if they have any dietary needs or preferences

Blueroses99 · 01/07/2021 19:09

I think hosts often forget to cater for nice non-alcoholic drinks. If that’s the case then I think it’s fine to have your preferred drink to hand rather than just water.

Chewbecca · 01/07/2021 19:09

I don’t usually have any fizzy drinks in the house, well, except sparkling wine. So you wouldn’t be offered fizz and if you would be unhappy about that, you do need to bring your own.

I confess I would find it odd, partly because I don’t like fizzy drinks, but cannot deny your counter argument that I wouldn’t have a meal with friends without wine.

FlorenceWintle · 01/07/2021 19:10

@yummytum

Is it really necessary to drink fizzy? Just drink water or whatever they are offering with the meal.

Is it really necessary to drink wine? People drink it as they enjoy it. I don't like alcohol Beyond the odd WKD

Yeah but they don’t carry their own personal bottle of wine with them to places in case there’s nothing they like on offer.
HazyDaisy123456 · 01/07/2021 19:11

If you want a particular drink thats absolutely fine but if several of you are liable to be driving or non drinkers it doesn’t go very far so I would bring more than one bottle (and definitely ask before you put it in the fridge). Also if someone is cooking for you I would also bring a bottle of wine for them even if you aren’t drinking and a small bunch of flowers, box of chocs or other small gift as a thank you and show of appreciation.

Just to take one bottle of your special fizz on its own is a bit weird.

YummyButter · 01/07/2021 19:11

I would feel a little guilty that my guest felt the need to bring their own drink, but I definitely wouldn't be offended. You're not doing anything wrong by bringing a drink. It's basically like bringing wine for people (which, as you know, is the norm), and then having a drink of it yourself.
What's the harm? 🤷‍♀️

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/07/2021 19:11

Isn't it just like bringing wine?Confused

MyFloorIsLava · 01/07/2021 19:11

Why is MN so full of people that don't appear to like their dinner guests much, or want them to relax and enjoy themselves? If I had friends for dinner and they wanted, and brought, a particular drink I genuinely wouldn't give it a second thought.

FlorenceWintle · 01/07/2021 19:11

I will say though that you not drinking alcohol changes it a bit, as soft drinks can be thin on the ground in many houses.

Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 19:11

I think it’s a bit odd, if it’s one meal every so often does it matter?
I think wine is more acceptable purely because it’s a gift to the host who then offers it to the guests and it’s more grown up having wine with a meal. I drink a lot of fizzy pop but wouldn’t dream of taking it to anybody’s house, I’d drink what they had (even water) or take a bottle of non alcoholic fizzy wine or shloer for the host as I don’t drink alcohol

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:12

@FlorenceWintle I haven't actually been to a dinner, beyond that of my mum's, where some form of alcohol hasn't been on offer.

In fact, even at my mum's, my dad's beers are pride of place in the fridge! So you could have one of those Grin he'd be chuffed to join you

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 01/07/2021 19:13

I think it's fine. I always do this at DMs house - I don't drink and I'll be driving, anyway.

For 40 years she has known this, but still invites us round and then says Oh. I've not got any drink for you.

They will all drink wine and I'm supposed to just have tap water, presumably.

minmooch · 01/07/2021 19:13

We are having a bbq on Saturday. I'm catering for everyone and there will be vegetarian and meat options. One person is a vegetarian and has asked if she can bring her own food. I'm not in any way insulted. If she is worried about food and is happy to bring something she knows that she will eat, and then is more relaxed and can enjoy herself then I'm happy. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to ask.

I want my guests to enjoy themselves. Not a big deal at all.

Please take your drink of choice and thoroughly enjoy yourself.

ChikiTIKI · 01/07/2021 19:14

I'd be totally fine with it. I just want my guests to be comfortable. If you were a close friend of family I'd like to hope that I would realise quite quickly and have your favourite drink stocked for when you come over. My sister loves orange juice with breakfast and has it every day at home. I always make sure we have some in when she comes to stay because its a very small and easy way for me to show that I love her!

GameSetMatch · 01/07/2021 19:14

I don’t drink and always take a bottle of pop or whatever with me, I’ve been to plenty of dinners where I’m having sugary kids squash with my dinner to care what people think. I once got given a fruit shoot as it was the only none alcoholic drink the host had 🙄.

I would never take the half drank bottle home with me and I don’t care if anybody else has some.

Lesartisansetlessansculottes · 01/07/2021 19:14

Yes. You are being rude and weird. You take what is on offer. We all do that.

ShuffleCase · 01/07/2021 19:14

If it’s someone’s house you go to often I’d wonder why they don’t anticipate you’ll want this drink and provide it.

If I have visitors coming that I know like a specific drink, I make sure to get some in advance.

JennieLee · 01/07/2021 19:15

I think of fizzy drinks as stuff that's for kids or teenagers.

(Though probably for a treat rather than every day. Bad for teeth. Contributes towards obesity.)

Not hugely healthy and the sweetness means you can't taste some kinds of dishes as well.

I'd always aim to have some stuff available for people who weren't driving and/or didn't drink alcohol though...