Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
FlaminEckVera · 01/07/2021 19:28

@yummytum

I would not be offended if you brought your own fizzy pop to a meal I invited you to at my house, but I do think it's very odd.

I have never known anyone do this, ever.

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:30

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account

Why on earth would I do that?! He should just want me to enjoy myself and leave it at that! Surely?

OP posts:
Greenrubber · 01/07/2021 19:30

I think it's rude that the host has not previously asked what you drink to be honest
If I had a guest coming for dinner especially one who doesn't drink I would of made sure I had the drink they like

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
FlaminEckVera · 01/07/2021 19:30

@SmileyClare

Each to their own I suppose. I can't imagine chugging sweet fizzy drinks with every meal. It must be so gassy!

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account. It's not the same as gifting a host wine on arrival.

This, ^ I almost always have water with meals.

Wanting fizzy pop with every meal, seems like something you'd expect from a child or a young teenager.

Shergill15 · 01/07/2021 19:31

I wouldn't be offended at all by someone bringing what they like to drink be that alcohol or soft drinks. However, I would usually try and find out beforehand what you liked so I could get some in. For me it would be pretty poor hosting to only have tap water on offer for the non drinkers

MsAwesomeDragon · 01/07/2021 19:31

I take my own soft drinks with me when I go to anyone's house for dinner, because most people I've had dinner with don't seem to have soft drinks available. The options at my parents house are tea, coffee, milk or squash. They don't drink alcohol (neither do I really), and they don't drink soft drinks, so they don't think too get those things in when people are coming. At friends houses mostly the offer is something alcoholic (often plenty of choice of alcohol), tea, coffee or soda water. I don't drink any of those, so I'm often very glad to have my bottle of diet coke in my bag/car. I usually don't get it out until it's clear they don't have anything I would choose to drink, and at that point I say something like "oh, I just remembered I've got some soft drink in my bag/car, I'll drink that if you don't mind. There's plenty to share if anyone else wants some" The people who usually want some are my children and me.

Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 19:31

*take his feelings into account

Why on earth would I do that?!*

Because you’re embarrassing him and you’re meant to care about his feelings? If they’re his friends they might have said they find it odd or teased him about it

cathcath2 · 01/07/2021 19:31

I honestly wouldn't care - bring whatever! Especially at the moment. If you want to bring your own glasses/cups etc because it makes you feel better, do that too!

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:33

@Mymapuddlington I think that's absolutely ridiculous! I will have to ask him outright if he's embarrassed by me drinking a glass of fizz whilst we enjoy our meal 😂

OP posts:
Mammymar · 01/07/2021 19:33

I don't see anything wrong with bringing your own fizzy. People bring their own alcohol to other people's home all the time. If its a drink you prefer then go for it.

GammyLeg · 01/07/2021 19:34

I just can’t imagine batting an eyelid if someone turned up with their own drink. Life is seriously too short to give this even a fleeting thought.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 01/07/2021 19:35

I would do the same as you OP as I don't drink and people seem to either have loads of options or just wine. I usually take a bottle of something I think other people would like too like a fancy sparkly fruity drink rather than a 6 pack of Diet Coke (which I'd prefer to be honest).

There's a really weird awkwardness when you say you don't drink alcohol, people either start assuming you're pregnant, an alcoholic or on some kind of medication that doesn't work with alcohol. In reality I just don't like the taste of wine and would prefer to stay sober and drive than drink and have to arrange a lift, taxi or bus.

FlaminEckVera · 01/07/2021 19:35

Have to agree with @Mymapuddlington it is clearly embarrassing your DH... you made this clear in your original post. Do you not care about this @yummytum

SamW98 · 01/07/2021 19:36

Nothing wrong with it at all. If its a certain drink that's your preference, then there's no guarantee that your hosts would have any.
I never have fizzy drinks and so if a mate bought some over, I'd be absolutely fine

I'm fairly new to this site and I must admit, I'm rather shocked by what some find offensive and why some of this stuff actually bothers people

canigooutyet · 01/07/2021 19:36

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account

He could be embarrassed that his family are shit hosts that still don't cater to his wifes preferences. Could understand it if the op was only drink a bottle costing over a tenner, but to not even spend a couple of measly pounds on their dil is an insult isn't it and not very welcoming.

AmyDudley · 01/07/2021 19:36

Wouldn't bother me at all if you brought your own drink. Especially as this is your inlaws - my DDIL likes a cold coca cola in the summer rather than a coffee if she visits, so I make sure I have some in the fridge for her - don't drink it myself, but I try to have things I know my family enjoy. I'd have thought your PIL would know you like a fizzy drink with your meal by now.

JennieLee · 01/07/2021 19:36

Even the language seems a bit childish - 'a fizzy'

I suppose if you can't manage without a particular drink for one meal, it makes it sound like an addiction.

I am quite happy to drink water with meals - though if it's a special occasion when people are having champagne etc, then some kind of fancy equivalent soft drink is welcome..

NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost · 01/07/2021 19:37

I think it's only OK if you are also happy to share it with everyone rather than keep it for yourself. Aka it's something for the host/the dinner party.

tbh I find it strange to bring your drink because that's what you like with your meal. I mean if you have an issue with wine, you can still drink water. (I know I would, I hardly drink alcohol these days).
If I was doing that with my PIL or my parents they would be HmmConfused tbh. And neither of them have alcohol on the table!

SamW98 · 01/07/2021 19:38

@Shergill15

I wouldn't be offended at all by someone bringing what they like to drink be that alcohol or soft drinks. However, I would usually try and find out beforehand what you liked so I could get some in. For me it would be pretty poor hosting to only have tap water on offer for the non drinkers
I agree. I only drink wine, coffee and water and so if I was having guests over, I would check if there was anything in particular they liked. I don't drink tea but if I invite people over I make sure I have tea bags and milk just in case
Crockof · 01/07/2021 19:38

Usual MN snobby knobs obsessed with 'having too much fizzy

If I knew you I'd make sure I had what you liked in but I would never be offended if people brought their own. You are nbu to want to drink a drink you like with a meal.

MimiDaisy11 · 01/07/2021 19:39

When people bring alcohol they usually hand it to the host for everyone. I’d find it odd if some took out a bottle of wine and sat it down beside them and said others are welcome to a glass etc. Even though that’s been said the way it’s presented I don’t think would really invite people to ask for a glass.

That said I agree with a lot of responses that I wouldn’t be offended, just find it a little odd.

UmamiMammy · 01/07/2021 19:39

I think it's a bit odd that you seem to be so fixed on fizzy drinks! Taking something to others isn't unusual in itself but I think I would raise my eyebrows if it was a case that you never came without the drink!!!
A half litre bottle isn't really a size for sharing.

mam0918 · 01/07/2021 19:39

When I go to my friends its BYOB so it would be completely normal. I usually take something else for the host (flowers, drink, cake etc...) but most others attendee dont bring anything except their own drinks.

I probably wouldnt take a bottle of drink to my in laws though, I just have a glass of water.

Lucia574 · 01/07/2021 19:40

I wouldn’t mind, but I’d think you were a bit weird. Most adults don’t drink fizzy drinks with meals: I’d always put iced water or mineral water on the dinner table and non drinkers would have that.

NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost · 01/07/2021 19:40

@yummytum

Your husband feels embarrassed that you do this so perhaps take his feelings into account

Why on earth would I do that?! He should just want me to enjoy myself and leave it at that! Surely?

You mean you don't care what your DH thinks and feels??

Now that is becoming weirder and weirder tbh.
There is a difference ebtween accpeting different tastes and being uncomfortable about someone refusing to follow general societal rules (yes even if they chamnge from one family to the next).
I wouldnt want to make either my PIL or my DH uncomfortable because I was to just stick to my own ways.