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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
starbrightstarlight8888 · 03/07/2021 23:43

There was an Inbetweeners episode where they were laughing at Neil for taking orangeade to a party 🤣.

SquashMinusIsShit · 04/07/2021 07:18

I'd find it rude, with the reason being that fizzy pop doesn't 'go' with food

But Shloer is perfectly acceptable according to a lot of posters, and surely that's just posh pop so it's ok?!

I think I've got it, if it comes in a glass bottle and costs more than £2 a bottle, preferably with a fancy name it is fine, anything cheaper or in a plastic bottle it is childish, immAture, chavvy etc.

Foxhasbigsocks · 04/07/2021 07:37

What this thread shows is some but not all people think it’s rude. So it’s another one of those things that people will do, but will get mixed reactions!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
TheOccupier · 04/07/2021 08:20

What's so rude about this is the implication that your host's hospitality is insufficient, that they can't meet your needs. It's not about it being "fizzy pop" per se (although that doesn't help as it's not a good look for a neurotypical adult to insist on having fizzy drinks with every meal - the polite thing would be have your own drink in the car beforehand so you're not thirsty, then accept a glass of tap water with dinner and just not drink it if you don't want it). It would be just as rude to bring your own posh wine because you don't think the host will serve anything good.

However, this isn't a formal dinner party, it's a visit to your MIL so surely by now she knows what you like. With close family or friends, it would be nice for the host to remember that you like a particular thing and get it in for you - especially something that costs less than £1. That's what I would do in her position!

thedarkling · 04/07/2021 08:24

I don't think it's necessarily the coke, I'd think it was a bit odd if someone came with their own special bottle of wine because they only drink that and nothing else. It shows an inflexibility that's worrying when you're hosting a dinner party (what if they don't like any of the food you're offering either!) It's probably something to warn the host about in advance so they can get what you like as that's less awkward. Most hosts will ask in advance if there's anything specifically you'd like or that you don't like.

I think anything you bring with you to a dinner party is fair game for everyone to eat and drink. What if someone else drank your coke before you got to it op?!

However as it's family I think it's fine actually. It is a bit different. Or if it was very good friends who know about your drinking habits.

thedarkling · 04/07/2021 08:25

@TheOccupier I didn't see your post beforehand but we've both said almost exactly the same thing 😀

Stygimoloch · 04/07/2021 08:45

TheOccupier
the polite thing would be have your own drink in the car beforehand so you're not thirsty, then accept a glass of tap water with dinner and just not drink it if you don't want it)

Somehow this doesn’t sound like it would be an enjoyable evening 🙈. Feeling thirsty? Out to the car in case the sight of your pepsi offends someone.

BirdsandBeesmakinghay · 04/07/2021 08:56

I must be one of the few who would find it rude. I don’t ever drink fizzy drinks though. Maybe sparking water , but coke or something like that would not be something I would ever drink with a meal. A BBQ would be different though.

Crockof · 04/07/2021 09:02

@Stygimoloch

TheOccupier the polite thing would be have your own drink in the car beforehand so you're not thirsty, then accept a glass of tap water with dinner and just not drink it if you don't want it)

Somehow this doesn’t sound like it would be an enjoyable evening 🙈. Feeling thirsty? Out to the car in case the sight of your pepsi offends someone.

Honestly that post is mental. Drinking fizzy is nothing to be ashamed about, nor something that is really used to quench thirst, it's drank because it tastes good.

I still don't understand why people on this thread think wine, beer and pretentious soft drinks 'go' with food, but other fizzy doesn't.

Lokdok · 04/07/2021 09:18

I’d find that really weird and wouldn’t have space in my fridge for your drink either when I was doing a dinner party, not would I appreciate someone coming in the kitchen and trying to access my fridge anyway while preparing food. I wouldn’t have a ‘bottle of fizzy’ unless kids were coming either. But if I knew you were a non-drinker I’d have plenty of elderflower presse, non-alc wine anyway like I do when my Muslim friends are over. Just communicate with your host. You’re definitely breaking etiquette.

MyFloorIsLava · 04/07/2021 09:41

Elderflower presse is literally a fizzy drink. The main ingredients are carbonated water and sugar. What makes it superior to a bottle of coke? (Also Elderflower presse is horrible.)

Arsebucket · 04/07/2021 09:43

@MyFloorIsLava

Elderflower presse is literally a fizzy drink. The main ingredients are carbonated water and sugar. What makes it superior to a bottle of coke? (Also Elderflower presse is horrible.)
Just snobbery I think.
SmileyClare · 04/07/2021 09:51

Its not up to you to dictate what grown ups eat and drink... how controlling!

Its not "controlling" it's called hosting a dinner Confused

. The host decides what to cook and serve with the meal she/he is bestowing on her guests. A lot of time and effort has gone into providing for the guest's needs and choosing the menu. Therefore bringing a drink for yourself is (as already pointed out) breaking etiquette.

Maybe those rules of etiquette are old fashioned but there we are.

BirdsandBeesmakinghay · 04/07/2021 09:57

When you go to someone’s house for dinner, you eat what they provide and drink what they offer. If you don’t drink alcohol, drink water or soft drinks which are provided. Of course people decide what they consume in their own houses.

JennieLee · 04/07/2021 10:06

I think that while people who suggest you should eat and drink what you're given are called 'snobby', it is actually refusing to eat and drink what is offered that comes from a place of privilege and entitlement. (Usually white and Western(

I was really struck by an incident when I went on a group holiday - a family group - in Turkey. One of the visits that I enjoyed most, was a morning spent walking in a forest area followed by a lunch hosted by a Turkish woman in the courtyard of her village home.

It was Ramadan, so she had not prepared any meat. It was a delicious vegetarian lunch. As far as I can remember there was a lentil and lemon soup,, followed by some stuffed peppers. Knowing that tourists liked chips, there were also some of these.

Most of the fellow group members were 'well-travelled'. They talked a lot about the other tours and trips they had been on. But pretty well without exception, they either picked at or refused to eat the lunch - apart from the chips. The adults made no effort even to try to appreciate it as a way of trying to model good behaviour to their children.

My partner and I and daughter did like the food, and were perhaps louder in appreciation than we might have been to show this enjoyment.

Even so, I could see that our host was visibly upset and asked the tour guide whether the food was 'not good'. I went over to say, no it really was very good indeed.

moynomore · 04/07/2021 10:10

But people bring wines they fancy all the time? My soft drink is a free for all too

But they don't ask the host to serve what they brought.

Bringing your own soft drink is weird IMO. I wouldn't be offended, but would laugh about it to myself

BirdsandBeesmakinghay · 04/07/2021 10:15

@JennieLee

I think that while people who suggest you should eat and drink what you're given are called 'snobby', it is actually refusing to eat and drink what is offered that comes from a place of privilege and entitlement. (Usually white and Western(

I was really struck by an incident when I went on a group holiday - a family group - in Turkey. One of the visits that I enjoyed most, was a morning spent walking in a forest area followed by a lunch hosted by a Turkish woman in the courtyard of her village home.

It was Ramadan, so she had not prepared any meat. It was a delicious vegetarian lunch. As far as I can remember there was a lentil and lemon soup,, followed by some stuffed peppers. Knowing that tourists liked chips, there were also some of these.

Most of the fellow group members were 'well-travelled'. They talked a lot about the other tours and trips they had been on. But pretty well without exception, they either picked at or refused to eat the lunch - apart from the chips. The adults made no effort even to try to appreciate it as a way of trying to model good behaviour to their children.

My partner and I and daughter did like the food, and were perhaps louder in appreciation than we might have been to show this enjoyment.

Even so, I could see that our host was visibly upset and asked the tour guide whether the food was 'not good'. I went over to say, no it really was very good indeed.

God, that is AWFUL.
Stygimoloch · 04/07/2021 10:37

God, that is AWFUL

Yes and nothing at all like the OP taking a bottle of drink of her preference to her mother-in-law’s house.

SamW98 · 04/07/2021 10:51

Have to say until I started reading these threads, I had no idea these sorts of formal dinner parties still existed - it all sounds very 1980's

Most people I know who do host dinner for friends seem to host a much more casual and informal affair where people are asked if there are any special requirements, feel totally comfortable bringing their own drinks, don't feel obliged to just get on with eating what's put in front of them with a glass of tap water and don't feel they have to drink a certain wine with the food provided. If someone wants to drink Prosecco rather than red then its perfectly fine. I really don't judge my friends and family by outdated, stuffy made up 'rules'

Stygimoloch · 04/07/2021 10:56

@SamW98 sounds like my kind of dinner party.

I doubt I’d get invited to any of the other kind though as I like a Pepsi max! So uncouth 🤣

JennieLee · 04/07/2021 10:57

I think the 'rules' can be part of the fun. For once, you dress up a bit, you eat and drink things you might not normally eat - some of which are delicious. You make an effort conversationally to tell stories and perhaps get to know new people.

I'm not saying it isn't also fun to eat a take-away in front of the TV, but it's good to have the variety.

I often think back to a dinner party I had before lockdown - and really missed that chance to meet friends in that slightly more 'formal' way.

VerticalHorizon · 04/07/2021 11:03

JennieLee does have a point.

SquashMinusIsShit · 04/07/2021 11:42

*Elderflower presse is literally a fizzy drink. The main ingredients are carbonated water and sugar. What makes it superior to a bottle of coke? (Also Elderflower presse is horrible.)

Just snobbery I think*

Yes definitely

TheOccupier · 04/07/2021 11:59

@Stygimoloch @Crockof regardless, that is the polite thing to do. A well hydrated adult won't come to any harm going a couple of hours without a drink. What's "mental" is refusing to drink water, even when thirsty. And it's not the type of drink that might offend, its bringing one at all. If what your host is serving isn't good enough for you, stay at home and save them the bother!

Crockof · 04/07/2021 12:02

[quote TheOccupier]**@Stygimoloch* @Crockof* regardless, that is the polite thing to do. A well hydrated adult won't come to any harm going a couple of hours without a drink. What's "mental" is refusing to drink water, even when thirsty. And it's not the type of drink that might offend, its bringing one at all. If what your host is serving isn't good enough for you, stay at home and save them the bother![/quote]
It's meant to be an enjoyable occasion with adults

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