Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
VariantL1130 · 01/07/2021 19:56

If you were coming to my house for dinner I'd say "I've got X, Y, or Z in to drink so if you want anything else then bring a bottle." And I wouldn't bat any eyelid when you turned up with your fizzy pop.

But then, I like to think I'm quite a relaxed host. Plus I don't drink so I know what it's like to only have water when the host is all about the wine.

Holly60 · 01/07/2021 19:57

Yeah I’d find it odd (and actually bad manners if I’m being honest) that you bought a drink just for yourself. If you bring a bottle of fizzy drink and hand it over to the host that’s fine- just like bringing a bottle of wine as a gift/to share. But if you make it clear it’s just for you, it would be like doing the same with a bottle of wine - so awkward!

Polkadots2021 · 01/07/2021 19:57

@yummytum

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP if you came round mine I'd just be happy you were comfortable - bring whatever fizzy drink you like!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 19:57

It's not supposed to be a £1 bottle of lemonade, as it's not much of a contribution so looks stingy. So maybe take your fizzy drink but also a pack of posh biscuits or chocolates.

I've already said I do this - either posh chocolates, cake, or offer to provide dessert and ask what I can buy

OP posts:
GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 01/07/2021 19:57

Some strange posts on here. I don't understand how it's different to bringing a bottle of wine, especially if it's a big bottle that can be shared.

I know many adults who drink coke/pepsi/irn bru etc too so it would never even cross my mind as an issue.

angelikacpickles · 01/07/2021 19:58

I think it's a bizarre thing to do. If I bring a bottle of wine with me, it's a present for the host, not because I want to drink with my meal! If there wasn't anything offered that I liked, alcoholic or otherwise, I'd just have water. I'm sure you can get through one meal without a fizzy drink.

Crockof · 01/07/2021 19:58

Also when you know that there's nothing else to drink and just ask for a glass of water, people can be surprisingly awkward and stubborn about it

Yep this, water is either forced on you as the only option or held back like its something only a dog would drink.

Polkadots2021 · 01/07/2021 19:59

@Holly60

Yeah I’d find it odd (and actually bad manners if I’m being honest) that you bought a drink just for yourself. If you bring a bottle of fizzy drink and hand it over to the host that’s fine- just like bringing a bottle of wine as a gift/to share. But if you make it clear it’s just for you, it would be like doing the same with a bottle of wine - so awkward!
I think this would be hilarious though, turning up with a big plastic bottle of Fanta and presenting it as a house gift Grin
EmpressSuiko · 01/07/2021 19:59

It’s only strange if you are bringing it for yourself, it’s perfectly normal and reasonable to bring a bottle for the hosts who thrn share it out to everyone during the meal.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 01/07/2021 20:00

I would take a couple of really nice bottles of soft drink as a gift plus one chilled as this signals you want to drink it.

In relation to your husbands comments why on earth can't you take a drink to your own mother in law's house ? It's hardly the same as going as a guest to a dinner party.

Confusedandshaken · 01/07/2021 20:01

I think it's perfectly normal. We always do. DH doesn't drink so we will bring wine and Diet Coke as well as a hostess gift. I also often put in some diet mixers as a lot of our friends only drink full fat versions which I dislike. Similarly a friend will always bring fever tree tonics to our house because she prefers it. My BIL brings alcohol free beer as a lot of people don't have it.

20viona · 01/07/2021 20:01

It's fine

SamW98 · 01/07/2021 20:02

I find it laughable that some of those saying the OP is rude by taking a drink she prefers but are making comments along the lines of 'just drink what you're given' or 'make do with tap water'

I find that attitude far more rude than the OP taking a bottle of Diet Coke

libertybonds · 01/07/2021 20:03

I wouldn't care but it seems a bit naff

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 01/07/2021 20:03

Also surely if you're going out to a friends you can just say "I don't drink wine so would it be ok if I brought I a bottle of coke/lemonade/whatever to share" ? I can't imagine any invitation when you couldn't just mention it.
I always have soft drinks on hand but if a guest has a preference I'd much rather they just said it as I hate not being able to offer their preferred drink.

Hallyup6 · 01/07/2021 20:04

Yeah it's rude. You cannot be that addicted to fizzy pop that you can't drink something else for the night. It's not like you're bringing a bottle as a gift for your host, it's clearly for you and you alone.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 01/07/2021 20:04

I find mn an odd place sometimes. I wouldn't give it a second thought if you turned up with a bottle of Fanta at my house.

Original poster
yummytum · 01/07/2021 20:04

Hmm I don't actually ask in advanced so perhaps I should start

OP posts:
hopeishere · 01/07/2021 20:04

When you say fizzy / fizz do you mean pop?

It's a bit odd.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/07/2021 20:04

My parents are great hosts and take note of what other people in the extended family drink if they only stick to one type of drink or brand and make sure they get it in specially if they're having a party.

That said, most people aren't like that or don't have the money to do such specific drinks catering for every guest, so I think it's probably good manners as a guest to accept whatever brand of eg cider you're offered if cider is "your" drink.

bananaboats · 01/07/2021 20:05

I wouldn't be offended but I would find it pretty strange. I don't blame your dh for mentioning it, my parents would think DH was pretty bizarre if he brought his own fizzy juice for dinner!

Lochroy · 01/07/2021 20:08

I think it's a bit odd, and why can't you just have water if you don't want anything else offered? It's what those of use who drive or don't want wine do without giving it a second thought.

As to if it's rude, I think it depends on the context. MIL's if you go there regularly and it's a casual dinner then ideally she'd know you well enough to have been considerate and bought some for you. And if not it's odd but not rude. Probably ditto your best mate.

However if invited for something a bit smarter - loathe to use the word dinner party but I can't think of anything better - any occasion where the host is making more of an effort with the food and has probably paired the wine, then yes, very rude. No different to turning up with your own plonk.

SupremeDreamz · 01/07/2021 20:08

I am a bit Shock that some people would have a problem with a guest bringing some fizzy pop and putting it in the fridge...that's not really the same as noseing through your private space is it?

Surely inviting someone into your home and cooking for them implies that you like them enough to let them be themselves and have a good time? If their drink choice or wanting to use the fridge freaks you out that much then why have them over?

Ledgeofglory · 01/07/2021 20:08

Christ almighty, guest takes bottle of fizzy juice to drink and people think it’s rude and weird?
I’m really scratching my head at that one

Most hosts want their guests to be comfortable and if this makes you comfortable then that’s absolutely fine. If people think is rude or weird then they aren’t very good hosts

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/07/2021 20:10

Yes it’s rude, and a bit juvenile, can’t you just have water?

Swipe left for the next trending thread