Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Stygimoloch · 03/07/2021 08:42

*wouldn’t be expected to drink water.

Yummymummy2020 · 03/07/2021 08:42

No I wouldn’t mind at all! To be honest I would feel worse bit not having a drink there you would like and you not having brought one either. I also think it’s arsey to be offended by something like that!!

Foxhasbigsocks · 03/07/2021 08:43

It’s not about the choice of drink for me. It’s about usual rules for guests. You bring something as a gift for the host (but can’t control whether that’s then served or not). Usually that would not be a fizzy drink, unless you also brought flowers or wine.

You eat and drink what’s provided unless you have dietary requirements, allergies etc, which you should discuss with the host in advance.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Foxhasbigsocks · 03/07/2021 08:44

I wouldn’t judge someone for this but would be slightly surprised!

JennieLee · 03/07/2021 08:50

I think if someone rang me in advance to say, 'Unfortunately I am not yet at a point where I can start to work on my chilled Pepsi Max large bottle a day habit. So would it be alright if I bought some with me? And would there be space in your fridge to chill it before the meal. Happy to share, if anyone else wants some! Looking forward to seeing everyone!', I would then replay with a polite 'Yes, we can do that. See yoju on Saturday!'.

Because then everything would have been done in a considerate manner.

DDIJ · 03/07/2021 08:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Kayl23 · 03/07/2021 09:11

@yummytum Hey! I don't think it's rude. Could I ask, is it because you don't drink alcohol? If so, then I think it's perfectly fine. I stopped drinking alcohol a few months before getting pregnant and started taking my own drinks out with me, usually some form of alcohol free wine if it was a meal, because otherwise I'd almost always end up just sat drinking water all night which was very boring. Unfortunately people seem to find it incredibly outrageous when a person doesn't want to drink alcohol in social situations haha, but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking an alternative drink for yourself because not many people have the option for you anyway!

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 03/07/2021 09:14

@JennieLee

I think if someone rang me in advance to say, 'Unfortunately I am not yet at a point where I can start to work on my chilled Pepsi Max large bottle a day habit. So would it be alright if I bought some with me? And would there be space in your fridge to chill it before the meal. Happy to share, if anyone else wants some! Looking forward to seeing everyone!', I would then replay with a polite 'Yes, we can do that. See yoju on Saturday!'.

Because then everything would have been done in a considerate manner.

Where are you reading that she has a “bottle a day habit”? Your ability to spin yarn is quite outstanding.
ApplesinmyPocket · 03/07/2021 09:19

Great post Stygimoloch !

Audo · 03/07/2021 09:21

You can bring anything you like to my house as long as you are friendly and reasonably interesting.

Arsebucket · 03/07/2021 09:37

You can bring anything you like to my house as long as you are friendly and reasonably interesting.

Ah, dammit. I’m a miserable bore. No wonder I never get invited anywhere Grin

Crockof · 03/07/2021 09:38

@NigellaSeed

In Scotland Fizzy drinks are called "juice"

And they call squash "diluting juice"

Just want to stir up some more bingo for @Crockof ;)

@NigellaSeed very kind of you, on my way to full house.
SamW98 · 03/07/2021 09:43

@Stygimoloch

OP you have highlighted just how weird and ridiculous some people on here are!

You’ve been called a child, uncouth and not well-bred for liking fizzy drinks 🤣🤣. Mostly from people who then talk about drinking fizzy wine and having elderflower cordial like this makes them somehow seem well-bred rather than cringe-worthy snobs.

Some people really struggle with those who don’t drink alcohol. It feels better to call you a child and ridicule you for liking fizzy drinks than it does to admit that alcohol is really bad for you (as are many fizzy drinks but the point is, alcohol isn’t any better). This view of wine as being socially acceptable because it is the preferred drink of the middle classes really baffles me.

It doesn’t make you more sophisticated because you prefer wine! 🤣 And the idea that you can only drink water or posh cordial if not drinking wine so you’ll fit in with the pretentious atmosphere of a dinner party is quite frankly ridiculous!

I don’t drink alcohol and find wine snobs beyond boring. My friends know I don’t drink. They provide drinks I like if I’m invited round. I would be expected to drink water as some sort of penance for not drinking their carefully chosen wine which compliments perfectly the food (cringe 🤣).

With you all the way OP! Some people on this thread! 🤣🤣

Also bloody lately.

I think its hilarious that those calling the OP rude are the ones saying she should drink tap water and lump it. Thats far ruder and makes them appear to be appalling hosts imo.

Personally, I would always check with guests if there is anything they want me to get in but I wouldn't have any problem if they bought their own drinks

Honestly my friends and I are so casual about this sort of thing, I feel like I've stepped into a parallel universe where these tiny things actually matter

ForeverSausages · 03/07/2021 10:36

I wouldn't be fussed by it, but I would think it's weird if you just went and put your drink in the fridge 😂. I did like what a PP said; they'd wait to see what drinks the host had. If there was no alternative to alcohol, apart from water, they'd say "oh I've got a bottle of _ in my car, I'll drink that instead" rather than just assuming. Also, I think if your MIL is offended/embarrassed she should just buy a bottle of soft drink when inviting you over. We have a family with various dietary restrictions so I always check what they can't have and if there's a particular drink they like.

SallySycamore · 03/07/2021 10:48

Maybe she doesn't like other drinks? Why should someone be stuck with tap water when everyone else is having their alcoholic drink of choice? Confused

But they're not are they? They'll be having the wine the host is serving. I would think it was odd if people wanted to drink Cointreau or a gin and tonic or a rum and coke (etc) with dinner too.

I'd always choose to have water with dinner — a sweet drink add another flavour that might not go.

Ourlady · 03/07/2021 10:48

Your husband is being ridiculous saying it will make people feel uncomfortable.
It's no bid deal OP. Why shouldn't you have your fizzy drink with your meal while everyone one else has their wine. Its just a bloody drink.

warmfluffytowels · 03/07/2021 11:14

@SallySycamore

Maybe she doesn't like other drinks? Why should someone be stuck with tap water when everyone else is having their alcoholic drink of choice? Confused

But they're not are they? They'll be having the wine the host is serving. I would think it was odd if people wanted to drink Cointreau or a gin and tonic or a rum and coke (etc) with dinner too.

I'd always choose to have water with dinner — a sweet drink add another flavour that might not go.

But why should other people have to have water simply because it's what you prefer? If other people want gin and tonic or rum and coke, that's their choice surely?!

And I've never attended a dinner party (or any party) where there's only been one choice of wine, either. Most hosts offer a choice of red or white as a minimum - and perhaps beer and/or lager too. So why can't people who don't like or want to drink alcohol have a similar choice?

saraclara · 03/07/2021 11:17

For goodness sake. People are wittering on about dinner parties and wine pairing. The OP is about going to the PIL's! It's hardly a formal occasion.

My MIL, bless her, would move heaven and earth to make sure that family members had the food and drinks they liked, at her house. Despite my PILs not eating pork, for religious reasons, she'd go out and buy a pork pie if her nephew was visiting, because she knew he loved them!

OneKeyAtATime · 03/07/2021 11:18

It's like bringing Haribo to eat instead of the mains. Absolutely nothing wrong with that ;)

VerticalHorizon · 03/07/2021 11:36

@OneKeyAtATime

It's like bringing Haribo to eat instead of the mains. Absolutely nothing wrong with that ;)
Except its not. Someone is preparing a meal, even if not from scratch. That is the raison d'etre. A soft drink is pretty incidental to that.

It really isn't a big deal. If it is, then there are bigger issues to address first.

warmfluffytowels · 03/07/2021 11:38

@OneKeyAtATime

It's like bringing Haribo to eat instead of the mains. Absolutely nothing wrong with that ;)
It's really not.
Arsebucket · 03/07/2021 11:48

@OneKeyAtATime

It's like bringing Haribo to eat instead of the mains. Absolutely nothing wrong with that ;)
Meh. See even that wouldn’t get me worked up.

I had a lovely friend, who due to lots of childhood trauma and abuse around food (which he only told a few people about), had a very limited diet.

so he would always bring his own food. Food which most of you here would no doubt look down on if you think coke is childish.

But he was bloody marvellous company and a lovely person and he could have brought a cow pat to the table, I just wanted to spend time with him. I didn’t see it as a slight on me. It was his preference. For what it’s worth, people have been horrendous to him about it for years, without realising there may be serious reasons behind it.

I’m like that with salt. I smuggle in salt in a small pit to discreetly slather my meal with. Because people get offended when you ask for salt, and i get it, they have seasoned it perfectly to the recipe. But nothing is salty enough for me. If you gave me a plate of salt, i’d ask for more salt on top. So I smuggle Wink

NigellaSeed · 03/07/2021 12:51

@ForeverSausages but it's her MILs house. Unless she's the queen and OP is Duchess of Cambridge I think she is okay going to the fridge by herself :S

VerticalHorizon · 03/07/2021 13:25

Haribos are in short supply at the moment, according to a recent news article (HGV driver shortage).

As a result, they've superseded Beluga caviar and are now considered the 'must have' at any self-respecting middle class dinner party.

SquashMinusIsShit · 03/07/2021 14:13

For those of you who think it's poor hosting to not have soft drinks in what the hell do you buy?
Some people don't want sugar
Some people don't drink 'diet things'
Some people only want orange things or Vimto or lemonade
Some only want speciality sparkling water
Some only want red bull

They bring their own Confused the whole point of the thread!