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Original poster

Fallen out with new neighbours already

178 replies

didntsignupforthis · 28/06/2021 11:42

Please give me some perspective I'm making a bigger issue of this than I need to.

I've just recently moved into new house on my own. Downsized to bungalow on a nice cul de sac. Really quiet, nicely looked after. Was so happy to move here and hope to be here longterm.

Met neighbour from a few doors up when I was moving in. We chatted a bit about the area but he kept staring at my chest instead of my face when talking to me. I'll be the first to admit I do have quite a large chest and I'm used to people staring. So I jokingly said something along the lines of I do have a face you can talk to, not in a nasty way at all. He didn't seem to take too kindly to that and then cut short the conversation and went away. I saw his wife come out and said hello and waved at her but was then busy with the removals people. I saw him saying something to his wife who looked at me with complete disgust. I couldn't hear anything what was said though.

Since then I've met a few other neighbours one who said something like not sure what it's like where you're from but we're friendly folk around here. Another started about people coming from London to the area and how rude they were, I think as a dig at me (even though I've not come from London).

I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I'm not sure whether I should say something or just let it drift by and hope by being neighbourly they'll realise their first impressions were wrong. I know I'm not in the wrong but equally I have to live here with these people.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 28/06/2021 11:47

So I jokingly said something along the lines of I do have a face you can talk to, not in a nasty way at all.

I mean, you called it he didn’t like it. So you’ll have a frosty relationship with your neighbour. The bonus is, you won’t have to put up with him staring inappropriately. Back to the frosty relationship: Is it really relevant to your life? Does it really matter?
Enjoy your new home. There will be other neighbours you’ll connect with. You don’t have to like every neighbour and vice versa. As long as you can maintain respect from a distance with this guy and his wife, you’ll be fine.

Geamhradh · 28/06/2021 11:48

You haven't fallen out with them. You say he was staring at your chest so you effectively called him out on it.
Another said they were friendly people and you took that as a dig.
Another said Londoners (which you're not) are unfriendly. Which you took as a dig.

KaptainKaveman · 28/06/2021 11:59

Seriously? was he actually leering at your breasts in a sexual way or is he one of those people who just doesn't tend to look people in the eye due to nerves etc? seeing as you had never met him before I woudl have given him the benefit of the doubt and said nothing.

I think you overstepped the mark tbh.

5128gap · 28/06/2021 11:59

Yes you probably have upset the leerer and his wife. But really what is the alternative? To tolerate it in silence to be friendly with people who don't sound very nice? The subsequent London and friendly comments if made by different people are likely to be innocuous and I wouldn't see them as a dig. The community does sound a bit self satisfied so far though. I hope theres some other nicer people too.

RuthW · 28/06/2021 12:01

@5128gap

Yes you probably have upset the leerer and his wife. But really what is the alternative? To tolerate it in silence to be friendly with people who don't sound very nice? The subsequent London and friendly comments if made by different people are likely to be innocuous and I wouldn't see them as a dig. The community does sound a bit self satisfied so far though. I hope theres some other nicer people too.
I agree. You are in the wrong imo.
Nanalisa60 · 28/06/2021 12:08

Just ignore it, try and invite the whole cul de sac round when you have settled in for a bbq , don’t wear a low cut top 😂😂😂.

MuthaFunka61 · 28/06/2021 12:09

Seriously don't worry about it- it's good practice in boundaries,so just ignore and get to know the other neighbours.

The male of the couple I live next door to doesn't like me as I'm not deferring to him and the recent confrontation was bound to happen sooner or later. At least it's now in the open and we can comfortably ignore each other, perhaps you could do the same?

roguetomato · 28/06/2021 12:14

Just be nice to everyone and misunderstanding will fade away with time, I'm sure.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 12:15

This ain't something that would bother me tbh. You put him in his place and that's an end to it.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 12:16

I didn't not and never have written ain't

Isn't FFS isn't!!

SmellThat · 28/06/2021 12:17

What did you say to the other people who made remarks? I hope you stood up for yourself

PopsicleHustler · 28/06/2021 12:18

Theres a big difference between having a large chest.

And wearing a low cut top.

cindarellasbelly · 28/06/2021 12:20

I don't think there is a 'not nasty' way you can tell someone you think they're staring at your tits to be honest, maybe a friend but definitely not a stranger. If he wasn't actually leering, but is taller than you/his eyes were wandering/even if you were wearing a low cut top and his eyes were drawn there (that sounds awful but its happened to me as a straight women where someone was wearing something really low cut and I kept having to focus on not staring) then he will be massively offended. Even if he is a creep, which is probably the most likely explanation, he's a much better connected creep in the neighbourhood than you, his wife probably is, and unless he has a reputation as the village creep it probably will make people turn against you.

I think it was probably ill-advised in the circumstances - I'd probably just have cut the conversation short the first time - but I think all you can do now is be friendly and chatty and maybe try and get involved in neighbourhood things. People will only use someone else's impression of you until they've formed their own so if you can make sure to be friendly and try and ensure you stop and say hello I'm sure it will pass over.

beigebrownblue · 28/06/2021 12:26

I'm interested, were they all men that made comments?

Some people including women and partners seem to have a default setting that because you are a woman on her own (supposedly) or choosing to do live on your own you are automatically desperate for sex and will steal anybody's man that is going...

Is it that? And if it is why should you have to dress differently than you usually do. Having said thati iif you were moving house a work overall might be a good choice of clothing.

I've had this attitude as a single mother.
the fact that for all they know men are the last people you might be interested in, or that you may have chosen not to have a relationship or indeed by a lesbian, doesn't seem to change anything.

I do find people in nuclear families are sometimes terrified by the prospect of having someone nearby who lives differently. Is this envy?
Sometimes i think it might be grass always greener etc.

ThomasHardyPerennial · 28/06/2021 12:31

Oh great, so it's the op's fault if he was staring because she might have been wearing a low cut top? She can wear whatever the hell she likes.

oohmyback · 28/06/2021 12:34

What @ThomasHardyPerennial said. I say good for you for calling him out. Now just be friendly to everyone and rise above it!

Shakirasma · 28/06/2021 12:34

*Theres a big difference between having a large chest.

And wearing a low cut top.*

Huh??

goldfinchfan · 28/06/2021 12:35

Just carry on being friendly and I wouldn't be surprised if later on you find another female with a symapthetic viewpoint. Someone who may have also experienced the less desirable side to your new neighbour.
He was in the wrong not you.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 12:40

* I* don't think there is a 'not nasty' way you can tell someone you think they're staring at your tits to be honest, maybe a friend but definitely not a stranger. If he wasn't actually leering, but is taller than you/his eyes were wandering/even if you were wearing a low cut top and his eyes were drawn there (that sounds awful but its happened to me as a straight women where someone was wearing something really low cut and I kept having to focus on not staring) then he will be massively offended.

I read it several times over, you are serious, aren't you Sad

Depressing as fuck. In far too many ways.

TableFlowerss · 28/06/2021 12:44

@KaptainKaveman

Seriously? was he actually leering at your breasts in a sexual way or is he one of those people who just doesn't tend to look people in the eye due to nerves etc? seeing as you had never met him before I woudl have given him the benefit of the doubt and said nothing.

I think you overstepped the mark tbh.

I agree with this.
beigebrownblue · 28/06/2021 12:45

@ThomasHardyPerennial

Oh great, so it's the op's fault if he was staring because she might have been wearing a low cut top? She can wear whatever the hell she likes.
Certainly not what I was saying.

What I meant by boiler suit etc (including actually heavy boots with toe caps on)

if you are moving house unless you are doing absolutely none of the lifting in which case you are lucky, some people have accidents, drop things on their toes etc dust and so on. ..

DonLewis · 28/06/2021 12:45

You've got this all wrong. Your new neighbour upset you by stating at your tits instead of talking to you like a normal person. They have ground to make up, not the other way round!

TableFlowerss · 28/06/2021 12:48

@ThomasHardyPerennial

Oh great, so it's the op's fault if he was staring because she might have been wearing a low cut top? She can wear whatever the hell she likes.
She can but if for example she wears a bra like cut off top, people will stare. Women that wear those kind of tops to go out in are clearly happy for men to look at them otherwise they would dress more conservative? No?
TableFlowerss · 28/06/2021 12:50

To add - he may have been a leery creep but as another pp pointed out, he could have felt a bit awkward looking in to her eyes.

PanamaPattie · 28/06/2021 12:54

I am reading this correctly? I can’t believe there are people on this thread that think you are wrong for telling a man to stop staring at your breasts.

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