Fallen out with new neighbours already

[didntsignupforthis]

Please give me some perspective I'm making a bigger issue of this than I need to.

I've just recently moved into new house on my own. Downsized to bungalow on a nice cul de sac. Really quiet, nicely looked after. Was so happy to move here and hope to be here longterm.

Met neighbour from a few doors up when I was moving in. We chatted a bit about the area but he kept staring at my chest instead of my face when talking to me. I'll be the first to admit I do have quite a large chest and I'm used to people staring. So I jokingly said something along the lines of I do have a face you can talk to, not in a nasty way at all. He didn't seem to take too kindly to that and then cut short the conversation and went away. I saw his wife come out and said hello and waved at her but was then busy with the removals people. I saw him saying something to his wife who looked at me with complete disgust. I couldn't hear anything what was said though.

Since then I've met a few other neighbours one who said something like not sure what it's like where you're from but we're friendly folk around here. Another started about people coming from London to the area and how rude they were, I think as a dig at me (even though I've not come from London).

I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I'm not sure whether I should say something or just let it drift by and hope by being neighbourly they'll realise their first impressions were wrong. I know I'm not in the wrong but equally I have to live here with these people.

This thread is mad, and hugely disappointing.

Firstly, talking to a woman's breasts has been rude since forever. Regardless of what she is wearing. Even if OP had chosen a low cut top to look attractive, talking to her breasts is pure objectification.

Secondly, we should all feel empowered, and that it is our right, to tell someone to stop behaving in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable. The OP chose quite a polite and friendly way to do so, but she didn't have to.

Shame on the posters blaming the OP.

I would just treat this as a bit of a joke, as in one that you can laugh at to yourself, and ignore any naff behaviour from some man. You haven't yet got the measure of this man.being a newcomer, so time will tell,if he is a bit narrow minded,and a bit pervy.

Okay didn't quite expect so many responses so quickly. Just to say it wasn't awkward nervous behaviour he was definitely staring at them. I know I have large breasts. People often talk to them instead of my face, I'm used to it. But doesn't mean I have to just put up with it. I didn't scold him or be rude and confrontational, it was fairly lighthearted.

I don't know if that neighbour had told the others or not, so yes I am probably being sensitive about those if they were just trying to make conversation.

I'm seriously confused by some of the comments in here

I don't think it was op who overstepped the mark or was rude - it was him for being a leery perv! As another pp pointed out "it's not a toss up between tits and eyes"

He just didn't like the fact he was called out on inappropriate behaviour.

Op, Next time you see him make sure you talk to his crotch and see how he feels.

I don't know if that neighbour had told the others or not, so yes I am probably being sensitive about those if they were just trying to make conversation.

Maybe you are feeling a little sensitive because moving is knackering & being the New Bug, no matter how confidently we present ourselves, can be a little bit daunting.

Honestly, forget about Mr Leery, & just go about your business on the basis that new neighbours will get to know the real you alongside any 'reports' of you, over the next few months.

Once you've caught up on sleep & are settled, decide to interpret remarks like "we're all friendly here" in a deliberately positive & breezy style. To which the response is to say - "Oh that's great to hear" & move on - without wasting any time wondering if it was a veiled dig or passive-aggressive declaration.

If it was - so what? Their problem, not yours. You had a life before landing on the street & under Mr Leery's eye, & you don't need the approval of rude or pass-agg wankers.

If it wasn't - & please assume it wasn't! - then meh. You've just had one of many ordinary dull exchanges with a new neighbour. You can make up your mind about which of them may be worth your acquaintanceship or friendship, in your own time.

How would the conversation have gone, I wonder, if OP had been male and the female NDN staring at his crotch!

Love to know where the op mentions clothing.
When you have big boobs it doesn't matter what you wear. The pervs will still stare.
Having big boobs isn't like putting on a padded uplifting bra that gives you a nice attractive cleavage and them leering down your top. That you can control by covering up, not that we should have to.

And I find it very weird that these oglers and their feeling uncomfortable looking into people's eyes of whatever, don't stand and ogle over blokes boobs whilst talking. Weird that they can suddenly make eye contact.

Reading some of the comments it's easy to see why they think they can do this because some will always try and find a reason for it.

@TableFlowerss

The difference is, looking at someone isn’t a crime. Touching someone is and takes it to a whole different realm of wrongness.

You are right - looking at someone is not a crime, but a man staring at a woman's breasts is highly inappropriate. Are you suggesting that in order for a man to commit a sex crime against a woman (or another man for that matter) they have to touch them? There is a whole range of crimes that don't involve touching someone but they are crimes all the same - upskirting, revenge porn, public indecency (flashing) etc. Now, yes, I agree that ogling someone is not a criminal act, but the question I asked was 'where do we draw the line?' I am aghast at the number of posters on this thread that think a woman is effectively 'asking for it' if they are dressed in a certain way, and my question was regarding this train of thought. It has not actually been established what exactly the OP was wearing, but even so a substantial number of the commenters on this thread are convinced she was asking for it, and yet, in a court of law, you would never get a criminal off the hook on the grounds that their victim was 'asking for it.' It is an outrageous suggestion, and one which demeans all women, and I am shocked and saddened that so many women seem to fall in with this misogynistic way of thinking.

How big is your chest that peoooe all stare? I get that’s missing the point of the thread but it’s quite unusual.

@covidcloser

Absolutely. Lots of people find it very difficult to make eye contact with strangers for whatever reason.

I'm autistic and awful at eye contact. I manage not to start at peoples tits just fine. I mean it's not a toss up between tits or eyes. There is a lot of choice for one who does not like/cannot maintain eye contact.

Saying "I do have a face you could look at" is really rude. You have no idea what is going on, yes maybe he was "leering", maybe he's socially anxious or just shy.

Imagine telling a woman she is rude for suggesting a man looks at her face not her breasts - you should be fully embarrassed for that wee gem

Excellent post.

My ds is autistic and doesn't give eye contact. He will look past people over their shoulder. Not stare at their body parts

I wouldn’t have said it op but afterwards I would’ve wished that I had. So well done I say!

8 have very strong feminist views and really do try to live by them too. But I'd have waited to see if this happened again. Rather than assuming he was staring. He probably was and that's not ok, women ignore all sorts of shit to keep the peace and I sort of think why should you. On the other hand as I have to live next to him I'd want to be pretty damn sure he was looking at my tits.

But as pp's have said does it matter? Also as the damage has been done so to speak there's no harm in asking neighbours what they mean when they say we're friendly here or whatever.

The responses to this thread are MIND BOGGLING

This is why men are allowed to get away with the shite they do because there are always women who either blame the women or make stupid insipid excuses for the men.

WTF is wrong with you all?!?!?

This is really simple to understand: OP,you called him out for staring blatantly at your chest-he got pissed off and, knowing you are brand new to the neighborhood, he decided to tell his wife and the others a bald faced lie about you so your character and trustworthiness will be in question,before they got to know you well enough to know he was talking utter shit and you were honest

@Cazzovuoi

The responses to this thread are MIND BOGGLING

This is why men are allowed to get away with the shite they do because there are always women who either blame the women or make stupid insipid excuses for the men.

WTF is wrong with you all?!?!?

Is your reading comprehension OK? What do you mean all?

As several people said it was OK to call him out and this is how men get away with shit.

Yeah, what's with women simping with men being pervs who cannot talk to a woman's face?!? Titties are nice to look at but as another autistic person I am actually capable of looking at people's faces when speaking (if I'm facing them that is).

So it's OK for men to behave like unneutered dogs?! Why not send THEM to the vets to get fixed!

@Yaykyay

Oh come in, even I can read 'all' in that posters comment referred to the all who had offered excuses for the man. Not literally all posters on the thread.

You have a pervy neighbour, whose wife is embarrassed by this. You pointed this out in a polite way.

The response to the others ought to be that you are glad to hear they wish to be friendly, pity about the pervy man. Hope you can get on with them.

Don't ever put up with unacceptable behaviour from anyone because 'you have to live with/near them'.

Right, so Sid at no.11 got caught out by the new, single lady. He's scuttled back to his wife with his version, which you can bet wouldn't tally with OP's, and she's naturally fallen on his side. I think you can reasonably write those two off your new Christmas card list.

I think you may be over-sensitive to the rest. It's really unlikely they're all dicks, but if they are so be it. Even if you got to know them, they'd just be dicks you know better.

My suggestion, drop some little cards through each door saying "Hi this is OP, just moved here from Not London to No. 7. Looking forward to meeting you as Previous Resident told me it was very friendly."

A newbie to my mums cul de sac of bungalows (there is a type ) did this and everyone thought it made a nice change as they could say hello with a name.

I absolutely love it that you called him out. He must of been so embarrassed 🤣and quickly tried to turn his wife against you!
I'd tell other neighbours - "John doesn't like me because I asked him to talk to my face not my boobs"

Ye gods! As others have said, some of the posts here are a huge disappointment.

I too am heavy in the chest and I have also reprimanded men for looking at my tits rather than me.

• I'm up here if you actually want to talk to me

• they don't reall speak much, but I do

• stop staring at my tits

That sort of thing.

Most men bluster and walk away. Some choose some nice words, frigid cunt etc. Once in a while one will apologise and blush, but manage to complete the conversation.

Their embarrassment is none of my concern, They wouldn't do it to ther men, why should I put up with it in silence? And occasionally the man doing it is fucking creepy. It took me until my 50s to work out what to say to Mr Creep - he now gets a blunt 'fuck off' if we are in a public place and I just walk away if I need to.

There is absolutely no excuse for it. Any woman who is still trying to find one needs to work out what it is she fears!

[quote backinthebox]@TableFlowerss

The difference is, looking at someone isn’t a crime. Touching someone is and takes it to a whole different realm of wrongness.

You are right - looking at someone is not a crime, but a man staring at a woman's breasts is highly inappropriate. Are you suggesting that in order for a man to commit a sex crime against a woman (or another man for that matter) they have to touch them? There is a whole range of crimes that don't involve touching someone but they are crimes all the same - upskirting, revenge porn, public indecency (flashing) etc. Now, yes, I agree that ogling someone is not a criminal act, but the question I asked was 'where do we draw the line?' I am aghast at the number of posters on this thread that think a woman is effectively 'asking for it' if they are dressed in a certain way, and my question was regarding this train of thought. It has not actually been established what exactly the OP was wearing, but even so a substantial number of the commenters on this thread are convinced she was asking for it, and yet, in a court of law, you would never get a criminal off the hook on the grounds that their victim was 'asking for it.' It is an outrageous suggestion, and one which demeans all women, and I am shocked and saddened that so many women seem to fall in with this misogynistic way of thinking.[/quote]
Only read he first 4/5 lives of your post as I could see it was getting absolutely ridiculous!!!

A make looking at a female over 18 isn’t a crime regardless of what kind of random (completely irrelevant) examples you use.

lines

male

@TableFlowerss

Women don’t go staring at men’s crotch he’s all day?!? So why the he’ll should we carrot that men are going to stare at women’s breasts?