Fallen out with new neighbours already

[didntsignupforthis]

Please give me some perspective I'm making a bigger issue of this than I need to.

I've just recently moved into new house on my own. Downsized to bungalow on a nice cul de sac. Really quiet, nicely looked after. Was so happy to move here and hope to be here longterm.

Met neighbour from a few doors up when I was moving in. We chatted a bit about the area but he kept staring at my chest instead of my face when talking to me. I'll be the first to admit I do have quite a large chest and I'm used to people staring. So I jokingly said something along the lines of I do have a face you can talk to, not in a nasty way at all. He didn't seem to take too kindly to that and then cut short the conversation and went away. I saw his wife come out and said hello and waved at her but was then busy with the removals people. I saw him saying something to his wife who looked at me with complete disgust. I couldn't hear anything what was said though.

Since then I've met a few other neighbours one who said something like not sure what it's like where you're from but we're friendly folk around here. Another started about people coming from London to the area and how rude they were, I think as a dig at me (even though I've not come from London).

I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I'm not sure whether I should say something or just let it drift by and hope by being neighbourly they'll realise their first impressions were wrong. I know I'm not in the wrong but equally I have to live here with these people.

Yes she can but then she can't complain if she calls him out on it and he then turns the neighbourhood against her.

If the neighbourhood is hellbent on maligning or ostracising a woman for the offence of being assertive, she may as well know up front, rather than kowtow in imagined fear that other people might find her entirely normal response unreasonable.

And of course she could complain - it would be rotten behaviour.

Back in the real world though, most people will take OP as they find her. As she will them. I doubt she wants to enter into an enduring friendship with Mr Leery, so it hardly matters what he thinks.

She can but if for example she wears a bra like cut off top, people will stare. Women that wear those kind of tops to go out in are clearly happy for men to look at them otherwise they would dress more conservative? No?

I honestly can't believe how many posts I see like this on MN. In the 21st century.

I fucking despair 😑

@Humpthree

Ohhh please……Wandering in to a pub in tiny hot pants and v neck crop top and being ‘offended’ that people dare to look…. 🙄

Yes. It's offensive. Men should not objectify women. No matter what they wear. That's the end.

Come over to the feminism board. We will pull that internalised misogyny out of you in a few threads. You have much to learn young grasshopper.

😂😂 Not sure you live in the real world with a response like that.

If you believe some women that dress as described, don’t like the attention then you are deluded….

He may not even be looking in a sleazy manner

How is it possible to stare at a stranger's breasts in a non-sleazy manner, @FurryMcFlurry?!
& why are you giving this bloke the benefit of the doubt, rather than accepting OP's word, as she was there, & is an adult capable of deciphering in what manner her body is being looked at?

It's so sad - these few PP's rushing to excuse & ameliorate for a bloke they've never even met, while questioning OP's clothing, veracity, or competence at assessing whether her boobs are being ogled.
That attitude comes from the same stable that rushes to shut women down when they report actual assaults. I dislike seeing that from anyone, but from fellow women it's damn depressing.

and if he was I’d have let it go as it was a first time meet
I didn't know women were meant to operate a strike system before stating that the behaviour is out of line & needs to stop.
How many leers are allowed, before we are permitted to say "stop doing that"?
Is there a chitty that needs filling out?

@FrenchieFromGrease

There is 0% chance that your pervy neighbour said to his wife "I was just staring at that new woman's tits and she told me not to, can you believe the cheek of her?!" He probably made up some lie where he said "Good day madam" and doffed his gentlemanly hat to you, then you replied "Fuck off you slimy toad, I'll break your bastard legs."

He is a creep. Just be yourself and eventually all the neighbours will realise how fun you are.

what ho Frenchie.

Exactly what I've been struggling to say, but in maybe 9000 fewer words.
You are bang on the money, & funny with it. Also - succinct

Cheers x

@ChargingBuck

A make looking at a female over 18 isn’t a crime regardless of what kind of random (completely irrelevant) examples you use.

So OP is not allowed to object to rudeness, because it's only permissible for a woman to object if a man crosses a legal line?

@TableFlowerss, you're entitled to your opinion, but it's weird how focused you are on OP's simple rebuttal of a rude stare/leer, instead of on the rude staring/leering itself.

Of course OP can pull him if she thought it was inappropriate. It was inappropriate if he was leering at her.

But some women love attention (not the OP) and they wear clothes to make sure they get that attention.

But some women love attention (not the OP) and they wear clothes to make sure they get that attention.

Thank you for you wisdom & input @TableFlowerss.
Not entirely sure how it relates to the subject of the thread, or adds anything useful for the OP, but hey - it's your hobbyhorse, you keep riding it as hard as you want.

@ChargingBuck

My point was that certain clothing items are going to attract more ogling than others

We know, @TableFlowerss, we know. You've said it enough times.

Almost everybody else's point though, is as you haven't got a single notion about how OP was dressed, why are you obsessing over it?

It's edging uncomfortably close to the classic "but what was she WEARING?!" response to rape, a.k.a. victim blaming.
I wish you'd take that on board & stop rattling on about clothing.

The old victim blaming chestnut on this thread again. It’s nothing at all like victim blaming for actual crimes ffs. No one has permission to touch you and assault you, that’s a crime. This thread is nothing of the sort!!!!

There is no no victim here, therefore no crime has been committed. End of.

I’m replying to those that reply to me, nothing more.

What you wear will impact the attention you get whether people want to agree or disagree, it’s a fact. It’s not ‘my truth’.

OP initially never stated what she wearing. Had she been wearing a small crop top with her tits hanging out well it wouldn’t be surprising he was taking to them and not her face!

@Winederlust

She can but if for example she wears a bra like cut off top, people will stare. Women that wear those kind of tops to go out in are clearly happy for men to look at them otherwise they would dress more conservative? No?

I honestly can't believe how many posts I see like this on MN. In the 21st century.

I fucking despair 😑

I despair at the amount of women that actually genuinely think all other women hate male attention….

*Theres a big difference between having a large chest.

And wearing a low cut top.*

FUCKING SERIOUSLY?!?

You are saying she was asking for it, ffs 🤬 Victime blaming, perpetuating rape culture. Seriously, fuck off!

@ChargingBuck

But some women love attention (not the OP) and they wear clothes to make sure they get that attention.

Thank you for you wisdom & input @TableFlowerss.
Not entirely sure how it relates to the subject of the thread, or adds anything useful for the OP, but hey - it's your hobbyhorse, you keep riding it as hard as you want.

Meanwhile in the real world, this weekend million of women will be getting dressed up to the nines in the hope to ‘pull’ a lovely guy….

But that reality contradicts what you say- go figure.

Tableflowerss, you are started to sound a little unravelled. Somewhat obsessive on the topic of all these crop tops & bikinis you keep randomly mentioning.

If someone is rude to me, I am a victim of rudeness.
Not because it sends me weeping to my fainting couch, but because there was some rudeness, 2 people, & as I am not the perpetrator, ergo I am the victim.
Or the person who put up with some rudeness - it doesn't matter how I frame the wording, it matters what happened.

Arguing semantics, & apportioning "degrees of illegality" is completely beside the point.
As is my clothing.

There is no no victim here, therefore no crime has been committed. End of.

Nobody is suggesting the OP call SWAT to come and drag the pervy man out of his house and give him a good going over with the night stick on his own driveway. Your insistence on applying criminal law to this situation is really weird.

He didn't break the law, but he's a pervy creep who was ogling his neighbour and, when called out, made up some story to the other neighbours insinuating that the OP was rude.

You're arguing in favour of creeps and perves; it's not a good look to be honest.

OP initially never stated what she wearing. Had she been wearing a small crop top with her tits hanging out well it wouldn’t be surprising he was taking to them and not her face!

OP still hasn’t said what she was wearing, so I’m baffled as to why you keep going back to the subject of clothing. At no point has she said ‘I was wearing a low cut top and my neighbour kept looking at my cleavage.’ No - she said ‘I have a large chest and my neighbour stared at it which made me feel uncomfortable.’ A woman has the right to go about her business without being made to feel uncomfortable by socially unacceptable actions, and I still can’t believe you don’t seem to understand that, as you keep coming up with suggestions as to how the OP might have been dressed to attract that sort of comment.

@user1471538283

Neighbours are over rated. I wouldn't bother with any of them. One of my Great Aunts didnt speak to her neighbor for 40 years and they lived quite happily side by side.

😂😂😂 love this comment.

Most younger women were wearing very little today in the city I'm in. Ordinary as pigeons. I noticed the ones who were wearing more and looked scratchy and uncomfortable. @TableFlowerss, old women in modest floral dresses, women in burqas, women in business suits...WOMEN...get leered at by men who leer. Attacked by men who attack. Not all men are leerers. Women's bodies are just bodies. I'm really impressed by OP standing up to a bully. Leering at a new lone woman neighbour is bullying. I think he told his wife a lie about OP coming onto him or some such, hence the look of 'disgust'. The lie he told to save his sorry ass would bother me. I'm sure he'll turn out to have done this to others. The man who leered at me when I was wearing a loose old ugly covered-up top turned out to have form. The only person who took his side was a woman known to criticise other women. I wish this thread could just offer support to OP. Men like that could do with a celestial lightning strike now and then to make them examples!

Meanwhile in the real world, this weekend million of women will be getting dressed up to the nines in the hope to ‘pull’ a lovely guy

Gordon Bennett.
Is OP's post about getting dressed up to go out on the pull this weekend?

Nope. It was about moving house, this week, & having some random geezer ogle her.

@ChargingBuck

Tableflowerss, you are started to sound a little unravelled. Somewhat obsessive on the topic of all these crop tops & bikinis you keep randomly mentioning.

If someone is rude to me, I am a victim of rudeness.
Not because it sends me weeping to my fainting couch, but because there was some rudeness, 2 people, & as I am not the perpetrator, ergo I am the victim.
Or the person who put up with some rudeness - it doesn't matter how I frame the wording, it matters what happened.

Arguing semantics, & apportioning "degrees of illegality" is completely beside the point.
As is my clothing.

But semantics are important aren’t they? because the term ‘victim’ in your analogy, doesn’t really suit the context.

Victim is generally associated with a crime. Being rude isn’t a crime. Yes you could argue you were still a victim of someones rudeness, but using the term ‘victim’ is generally associated with suffering. Hardly the same.

Some women like make attention and actively seek it. If your such a soldiering feminist then why would that concept be a problem to you? After all, it’s her choice in how she wishes to dress?

@FrenchieFromGrease

There is no no victim here, therefore no crime has been committed. End of.

Nobody is suggesting the OP call SWAT to come and drag the pervy man out of his house and give him a good going over with the night stick on his own driveway. Your insistence on applying criminal law to this situation is really weird.

He didn't break the law, but he's a pervy creep who was ogling his neighbour and, when called out, made up some story to the other neighbours insinuating that the OP was rude.

You're arguing in favour of creeps and perves; it's not a good look to be honest.

No I’m not. I’m saying what you wear can impact the attention i unwanted you get!

@backinthebox

OP initially never stated what she wearing. Had she been wearing a small crop top with her tits hanging out well it wouldn’t be surprising he was taking to them and not her face!

OP still hasn’t said what she was wearing, so I’m baffled as to why you keep going back to the subject of clothing. At no point has she said ‘I was wearing a low cut top and my neighbour kept looking at my cleavage.’ No - she said ‘I have a large chest and my neighbour stared at it which made me feel uncomfortable.’ A woman has the right to go about her business without being made to feel uncomfortable by socially unacceptable actions, and I still can’t believe you don’t seem to understand that, as you keep coming up with suggestions as to how the OP might have been dressed to attract that sort of comment.

Threads evolve and change. If you took the time to read all my posts you’ll see I agree he sounds like a perv

@ChargingBuck

Meanwhile in the real world, this weekend million of women will be getting dressed up to the nines in the hope to ‘pull’ a lovely guy

Gordon Bennett.
Is OP's post about getting dressed up to go out on the pull this weekend?

Nope. It was about moving house, this week, & having some random geezer ogle her.

It’s evolved. You know it’s evolved because you keep replying…

OP deserves good space in her new neighbourhood and good space on the thread where she sought support.

Being coerced, raped, killed, blackmailed is never as distant a risk as it should be for women (ie zero) and yes, leering that objectifies has a victimizjng effect.

Whether or not some human creatures put on gaudy mating displays is beside the point.

With any luck there'll be neighbours who are wise to the waste of space guy.

I'd say regressed rather than evolved Tableflowerss, but you're boring me now so I'm done.
Sweet dreams to you, may they feature all the tiny items of clothing you desire.

Whatever he has said about you to the neighbours, they will come round if you just carry on as normal, and it is not their experience.

You seem to have been unfortunate enough to have moved next door to an ex colleague of mine .

@ChargingBuck

I'd say regressed rather than evolved Tableflowerss, but you're boring me now so I'm done. Sweet dreams to you, may they feature all the tiny items of clothing you desire.

Ditto about boring