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Fallen out with new neighbours already

178 replies

didntsignupforthis · 28/06/2021 11:42

Please give me some perspective I'm making a bigger issue of this than I need to.

I've just recently moved into new house on my own. Downsized to bungalow on a nice cul de sac. Really quiet, nicely looked after. Was so happy to move here and hope to be here longterm.

Met neighbour from a few doors up when I was moving in. We chatted a bit about the area but he kept staring at my chest instead of my face when talking to me. I'll be the first to admit I do have quite a large chest and I'm used to people staring. So I jokingly said something along the lines of I do have a face you can talk to, not in a nasty way at all. He didn't seem to take too kindly to that and then cut short the conversation and went away. I saw his wife come out and said hello and waved at her but was then busy with the removals people. I saw him saying something to his wife who looked at me with complete disgust. I couldn't hear anything what was said though.

Since then I've met a few other neighbours one who said something like not sure what it's like where you're from but we're friendly folk around here. Another started about people coming from London to the area and how rude they were, I think as a dig at me (even though I've not come from London).

I'm not exactly a shrinking violet but I'm not sure whether I should say something or just let it drift by and hope by being neighbourly they'll realise their first impressions were wrong. I know I'm not in the wrong but equally I have to live here with these people.

OP posts:
TheGenealogist · 28/06/2021 12:55

@KaptainKaveman

Seriously? was he actually leering at your breasts in a sexual way or is he one of those people who just doesn't tend to look people in the eye due to nerves etc? seeing as you had never met him before I woudl have given him the benefit of the doubt and said nothing.

I think you overstepped the mark tbh.

Absolutely. Lots of people find it very difficult to make eye contact with strangers for whatever reason.

Saying "I do have a face you could look at" is really rude. You have no idea what is going on, yes maybe he was "leering", maybe he's socially anxious or just shy.

You have made a TERRIBLE first impression and wonder why people have taken again you?

Noshowlomo · 28/06/2021 12:58

What @DonLewis said

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 12:59

Absolutely. Lots of people find it very difficult to make eye contact with strangers for whatever reason.

I'm autistic and awful at eye contact. I manage not to start at peoples tits just fine. I mean it's not a toss up between tits or eyes. There is a lot of choice for one who does not like/cannot maintain eye contact.

Saying "I do have a face you could look at" is really rude. You have no idea what is going on, yes maybe he was "leering", maybe he's socially anxious or just shy.

Imagine telling a woman she is rude for suggesting a man looks at her face not her breasts - you should be fully embarrassed for that wee gem

ivfgottwins · 28/06/2021 13:00

His behaviour is obviously wrong but would you have also called out another woman staring at your boobs to their face as well?

paniniswapx3 · 28/06/2021 13:02

I think you absolutely did the right thing calling him out on it Op (& am struggling to believe the people on this thread that think you were in the wrong!)

Continue to be friendly with your neighbours and don't take things personally. If anyone mentions him to you, tell the truth and say he was staring at your chest and you asked him to look at your face instead. You did nothing wrong!

MsFannySqueers · 28/06/2021 13:02

Yes good for you for calling him out on this behaviour. He will know where he stands now. I have recently had to put a new neighbour in his place. I made the mistake of allowing his nasty and arrogant behaviour to go unchallenged for six months. I kept thinking the situation would resolve itself. It’s far better to nip things like this in the bud straight away.

Billandben444 · 28/06/2021 13:05

What's done is done and you really don't have to friends with them if 2 doors away. Praps you were a bit sensitive over the other comments (to say they are friendly is surely a welcoming thing to say?). Anyway, you did right to smack him down and now forget it, relax and take your time get to know the others - PP could be right and there are some insecure wives there who will keep their husbands on a short leash!

Honeyroar · 28/06/2021 13:08

I imagine he hadn’t thought he’d done anything wrong and has told his wife/other neighbours that you were prickly or not very friendly - hence their reactions. While I agree he’s a leery, rude man I’d probably not have pulled up a new neighbour on the first occasion of meeting him. I’d have filed him in the rude, leery git catagory and waited to see what the others were like. I think if the others had made comments about Londoners being unfriendly I’d have asked them what they meant. For now I’d just keep being friendly towards the others and hopefully things will calm down.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 28/06/2021 13:08

Women that wear those kind of tops to go out in are clearly happy for men to look at them otherwise they would dress more conservative? No?

What the actual fuck?!

And the comment about low-cut tops...

Seriously?

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2021 13:11

Is this the 'Honk Honk!' poster from yesterday? 🤔

RestingPandaFace · 28/06/2021 13:13

It’s so very depressing to see so many women criticise the OP for calling someone out on staring at her breasts.

It doesn’t matter what top the OP was wearing, that’s up there with “she was asking for it” and proves how far we still have to go.

Just ignore them, be friendly, tell the truth if someone brings it up, and don’t give it another thought. Either they will come around, or they won’t, in which case they aren’t worth bothering with.

Psuedoshoes · 28/06/2021 13:13

@PopsicleHustler

Theres a big difference between having a large chest.

And wearing a low cut top.

Eh??
Couchbettato · 28/06/2021 13:14

Yeah if it were a choice of be sexually appropriated by neighbour and keep the peace, or call neighbour out on shitty behaviour and have a bad relationship with them I'd choose the latter every single day.

Fuck those people.

Psuedoshoes · 28/06/2021 13:14

@RestingPandaFace

It’s so very depressing to see so many women criticise the OP for calling someone out on staring at her breasts.

It doesn’t matter what top the OP was wearing, that’s up there with “she was asking for it” and proves how far we still have to go.

Just ignore them, be friendly, tell the truth if someone brings it up, and don’t give it another thought. Either they will come around, or they won’t, in which case they aren’t worth bothering with.

Exactly this. Some of the comments are really disappointing to read.
TableFlowerss · 28/06/2021 13:14

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Women that wear those kind of tops to go out in are clearly happy for men to look at them otherwise they would dress more conservative? No?

What the actual fuck?!

And the comment about low-cut tops...

Seriously?

Yes the actual fuck.

Someone goes out in a mini crop top and complains she was getting stared at…. Well of course she was.

Sadly there’s no law to stop leery men perving at women, so wearing a low cut bikini style top is hardly going to deter them from looking is it….

Nocutenamesleft · 28/06/2021 13:15

I’m a bit aghast that people think this is the OPs fault.

I wouldn’t of said what she did. Purely though because I’m non confrontational. But good god. She stood up for herself. Even if he was nervous. It doesn’t mean he can stare at her breasts. He could just look down

OP. Good on you!

Iamanaubergine · 28/06/2021 13:16

Christ - the replies on this thread! It is never ok to stare at someone’s breasts no matter what they’re wearing.

You did the right thing calling him out & he’s just annoyed you noticed. I’m sure after you’ve settled in and people get to know you it’ll be forgotten about.

TheoMeo · 28/06/2021 13:16

Sadly you made a joke to a humourless so and so.

I would just be nice to everyone - they'll forget soon. The neighbours (other than the offended ones) want to be friends too.

Nocutenamesleft · 28/06/2021 13:17

@TableFlowerss

What?!?

TableFlowerss · 28/06/2021 13:17

[quote Nocutenamesleft]@TableFlowerss

What?!?[/quote]
Hmm

Nocutenamesleft · 28/06/2021 13:19

You think if a women dresses in a bikini. Men are going to leer at her and tough shit?

Maggiesfarm · 28/06/2021 13:20

I don't think you should have said anything to the man after he seemed to be looking at your chest but I also do not think he should have told any other neighbours what you said.

This will soon become history, op. Just keep to yourself apart from pleasantries, I'm sure you have a life outside of your cul de sac so enjoy that.

Theunamedcat · 28/06/2021 13:21

Ffs its all very well avoiding eye contact but you don't have to stare at tits to do it

Downsizing im assuming because the kids have left home? So not a 20 year old in a crop top?

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 28/06/2021 13:21

I’d love to know what’s been said to the other neighbours; i very much doubt it was what you actually said as I imagine they’d all be thinking that would have been true of him.
Quite shocking really that people think you’re rude for this; you can avoid eye contact with people without staring at their breasts and you can wear any kind of top you want and still ask people not to stare.
I wouldn’t worry about it; let people get to know you and at some point you’ll hear the story he told

Iwonder08 · 28/06/2021 13:21

He shouldn't have stared at your breasts, but it was almost inevitable this comment would result in the fall out with your neighbours. Strategically I wouldn't do it given that you've just moved in. Technically he is in the wrong, but you will be the one who will deal with the consequences