Another parent unkind to my baby

[HotelTowels]

I just want to rant about this if that's ok. I was at an outdoor performance for babies today (under 1's). We sat in bubbles on little circles on the grass and watched the show. Babies were encouraged to be themselves, make baby noises, clap, cry or whatever but parents were encouraged to try to keep babies inside the circles until the short show was over, after which there'd be a free play session where they could crawl about.

A mum and dad sat behind us and their little girl (who was wearing a tutu) was walking all around the set of the performance, going right up to the actors, picking up props etc and wandering through the audience. Her parents didn't try and get her, they just sat back looking really smug proud. (To be fair her walking was very advanced). All the other parents kept their babies inside their circles, so why couldn't they?

My little boy was, at first, glued to the performance, giggling and loving it, but as soon as he saw the little girl walking all over the stage he stopped focusing on the show and was itching to crawl over there as well. He's loves going up to other babies whenever he can. So we had to keep pulling him back with us which was frustrating as before she appeared he had been watching the show.

After the show, they let the babies explore freely. My son is 11 months and crawls and also bum shuffles everywhere at the moment. He started excitedly bum shuffling over to other babies. I thought bum shuffling was quite common for babies but he got lots of comments from other parents like "wow look at him go" and "that's a novel way to get around!" All said warmly and kindly.

Then my baby shuffled over to tutu baby's parents and I noticed the dad was watching my son with the most horrible expression on his face. He was shaking his head incredulously and sort of sniggering with a half disgusted look on his face, and started pointing out my son's bum shuffling to his wife/partner and making a sort of mocking face. He then caught me looking at him and quickly switched to a smile. All the while my gorgeous little boy was cheerfully heading over to them with a big smile in a lovely trusting way and was looking right at the dad!

I felt such a surge of protectiveness over my son I had to bite my lip! It really made me sad. Of course my son didn't notice or understand but I can't believe a grown man could behave like that towards a little baby!!

I'm still seething and it was hours ago!!! I guess the playground politics starts now!

post edited by MNHQ in order to remove disablist term

[HotelTowels]

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@HoteLTowels

I re-iterate: boo hoo.
nobody has to be kind to you or your baby.
so stop sulking, drop the PFB attitude and grow up.[/quote]
You are really a nasty bully aren't you. Why do you invest your energy writing such unkind posts? Only you know the answer.

[roguetomato]

And then he thought it was silly / ridiculous / or whatever he thought

No, OP. People would find it funny/amusing/cute. Normal adult, especially with their own children don't mock other children. They normally find them adorable. On the other hand, you were already finding this girl annoying for not staying put, so you felt like they are watching your dc through similar mind set.

[Baconking]

As you don't know what the dad was thinking or saying maybe he wasn't judging the bum shuffling.

Could he have been judging your son's clothes?

[HotelTowels]

@GreyhoundG1rl

It's completely normal to be upset if you catch someone mocking your baby
But you still haven't explained what a "mocking idiot face" actually looks like, op, so I'm going with the view that you are the (vastly) over sensitive mother of a PFB.

@GreyhoundG1rl what more do I need to say? He looked with a disgusted face, shook his head, then sort of sneered, then pointed my son out to his wife, whispered something, stuck his tongue into his lips making an idiot face while he was pointing at him - if that's an appropriate term, apologies of it isn't - then continued to shake his head and look disgusted until he clocked me, at which point he quickly smiled. Hope that's clear enough for you?

[HotelTowels]

@WhenISnappedAndFarted I assume you're suggesting I mocked their baby girl? Except I didn't.

[Roomonb]

I’d be upset at that too. I don’t get why posters are purposely misunderstanding.

[HotelTowels]

@roguetomato

And then he thought it was silly / ridiculous / or whatever he thought

No, OP. People would find it funny/amusing/cute. Normal adult, especially with their own children don't mock other children. They normally find them adorable. On the other hand, you were already finding this girl annoying for not staying put, so you felt like they are watching your dc through similar mind set.

You've misunderstood me I'm afraid.

[HotelTowels]

@Baconking

As you don't know what the dad was thinking or saying maybe he wasn't judging the bum shuffling.

Could he have been judging your son's clothes?

He wasn't wearing anything "unusual". Just plain clothes.

[HotelTowels]

@Roomonb

I’d be upset at that too. I don’t get why posters are purposely misunderstanding.

Thank you. I know. It's a bit annoying how MN chat has become like AIBU with posters just jumping in to be unkind. Chat used to be more like sitting having a glass of wine with your girlfriends, and now it's like the proverbial school gates.

[PerciphonePuma]

@Skyla2005

His an arsehole take no notice. He will be an arsehole about everything else aswell so not just your baby. His a horrible person. It would have upset me too. Bum shuffling is totally normal. Mine walked on their knees for ages nothing wrong with that. Forget about it now and just live your little boy even more which I'm sure you do anyway.

*He's not his

[Vallmo47]

Just shake this off OP. Bum shuffling is the cutest thing ever and yes I rather agree it’s annoying there’s always someone who can’t control their kid somewhere. ;) One day it might even be yours misbehaving!

The man shouldn’t have been rude but honestly it’s not the end of the world and I say that kindly.

[HotelTowels]

Thanks @Vallmo47 I appreciate your post. I honestly didnt think it was the end of the world or anything. But I was peeved and came on to rant off a bit. Didn't realise the vipers would pounce! It's a silly thing which I'll have forgotten by tomorrow!

[SpeedRunParent]

@Fitforforty

The man wasn’t unkind to your baby. He absently mindly pulled a face which your baby wouldn’t have seen or understood. You sound very judgemental of them too.

This is an excuse for a toddler, not a grown man.

[Vallmo47]

@HotelTowels Mumsnet often finds a way to be just as bad as nasty people out there. This man forgot he wouldn’t like his child sneered at and Mumsnet often forgets there are real people with actual feelings behind the posts.

I do understand just venting. :) I have a “saintly” firstborn who was always so well behaved in public and I remember getting annoyed by other kids misbehaving - or more so, their parents for not stopping it. But then I had my second child. A true wildfire, I’ve had to bust my butt to teach her how to behave appropriately. But I’m glad I got her - it truly taught me a lesson. It’s easy to be a good mum when your kid is easy going if you know what I mean. Who knows what battles these parents had already tried to fight with that little girl on this day. Just be the better person 💗

[BlaBlaSmthSmth]

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@HoteLTowels

I re-iterate: boo hoo.
nobody has to be kind to you or your baby.
so stop sulking, drop the PFB attitude and grow up.[/quote]
Wow you're just going to run with this unpleasant streak I see.

[Moonwatcher1234]

OP, you’re getting some standard ridiculous projecting replies here. Bottom line is: a nasty man was nasty to your baby when he thought you weren’t looking. Disgusting behaviour on his part and I really get your hurt especially as your sweet child was shuffling over to them specifically. You haven’t done anything wrong and pointing out that a baby wears a tutu is in no way comparable to his behaviour haha

[maggiso]

I upset a parent once- quite unintentionally,. Their baby had invented an amazing way of getting around which I had not seen before. A remarkably effective and speedy kneeling jump shuffle. To me it was amazingly clever but the parent was was upset to see me watching- so I suppose you can never know what people are thinking!

[JustWonderingIfYou]

Bumshuffling is normally done by babies who don't crawl. Crawling is much more preferable developmentally to bumshuffling. They use different muscles. Crawling is said to have a huge impact on future coordination as the brain has to work arms and legs in opposite motion. Current research even believes it effects handwriting.

Crawling is not seen as a milestone apart from by pediatric physios who do really try to encourage it.

To generalise bumshufflers are babies have different muscle tone. A lot of bumshufflers didn't do much tummytime, skip crawling and then go straight to walking.


Also bumshuffling looks funny. Maybe it reminded him of his old dog with worms.

[JustWonderingIfYou]

Sorry dropped a sentence. That is why some people are snobbish about bumshuffling makes no massive difference in the long term though as far as I'm aware.

[JudgeJ]

@Baconking

As you don't know what the dad was thinking or saying maybe he wasn't judging the bum shuffling.

Could he have been judging your son's clothes?

Or could he have been a bit like my dear late OH who would spend ages amusing little ones by pulling faces at them, he kept many a toddler amused on planes, buses etc by his funny faces. I hope that no ueber-sensitive parent took offence!

[MyDcAreMarvel]

@MaryBoBary thank you, I do feel for my friend, her son is on medication for the rest of his life, and she gets upset when people use his disability as an insult.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

@thank you @HotelTowels

[HotelTowels]

Or could he have been a bit like my dear late OH who would spend ages amusing little ones by pulling faces at them, he kept many a toddler amused on planes, buses etc by his funny faces.

No! He was definitely not amusing him by pulling faces!! I know what I saw for goodness sake!

[HotelTowels]

@JustWonderingIfYou as I said earlier, my son crawls and shuffles. I'm really not worried about the bum shuffling! That's not what this thread was about.