Another parent unkind to my baby

[HotelTowels]

I just want to rant about this if that's ok. I was at an outdoor performance for babies today (under 1's). We sat in bubbles on little circles on the grass and watched the show. Babies were encouraged to be themselves, make baby noises, clap, cry or whatever but parents were encouraged to try to keep babies inside the circles until the short show was over, after which there'd be a free play session where they could crawl about.

A mum and dad sat behind us and their little girl (who was wearing a tutu) was walking all around the set of the performance, going right up to the actors, picking up props etc and wandering through the audience. Her parents didn't try and get her, they just sat back looking really smug proud. (To be fair her walking was very advanced). All the other parents kept their babies inside their circles, so why couldn't they?

My little boy was, at first, glued to the performance, giggling and loving it, but as soon as he saw the little girl walking all over the stage he stopped focusing on the show and was itching to crawl over there as well. He's loves going up to other babies whenever he can. So we had to keep pulling him back with us which was frustrating as before she appeared he had been watching the show.

After the show, they let the babies explore freely. My son is 11 months and crawls and also bum shuffles everywhere at the moment. He started excitedly bum shuffling over to other babies. I thought bum shuffling was quite common for babies but he got lots of comments from other parents like "wow look at him go" and "that's a novel way to get around!" All said warmly and kindly.

Then my baby shuffled over to tutu baby's parents and I noticed the dad was watching my son with the most horrible expression on his face. He was shaking his head incredulously and sort of sniggering with a half disgusted look on his face, and started pointing out my son's bum shuffling to his wife/partner and making a sort of mocking face. He then caught me looking at him and quickly switched to a smile. All the while my gorgeous little boy was cheerfully heading over to them with a big smile in a lovely trusting way and was looking right at the dad!

I felt such a surge of protectiveness over my son I had to bite my lip! It really made me sad. Of course my son didn't notice or understand but I can't believe a grown man could behave like that towards a little baby!!

I'm still seething and it was hours ago!!! I guess the playground politics starts now!

post edited by MNHQ in order to remove disablist term

They sound annoying but you need to not get wound up about other idiots or you have a long row to hoe. Complete strangers used to point and laugh at my bum shuffler. Bum shuffling isn’t exactly common (not rare but not common) and can be a sign of other developmental issues and/or lack of crawling can cause left/right body integration issues. My bum shuffler walked eventually at 20 months and is more than fine cognitively (on an academic scholarship to secondary school) but we had a couple of years of occupational therapy to help with cross body integration.

I love a bum shuffler!

Not very nice on his part op, but I would let it wash over me.

Wait until he goes to school you'll be encountering smug parents left right and centre.

I think you are being overly sensitive and making an issue where there isn't one. You don't know what was said, all you know is your interpretation of a facial expression. Non issue, don't waste any more time worrying about it. Just accept that being a parent can make you overly sensitive and protective of your children.

You judged them and their kid and then decided that they were horrible based on a facial expression. Your kid doesn't give a shit. Let it go.

@HotelTowels why are you using the word cretin? It’s a very serious health issue not an insult. My friends son is a cretin without the heel prick test he would be disabled now.

He sounds awful, but why take your baby to an event like this where young children are expected to essentially be restrained inside their small circle? Not many babies that age can stay still for more than a few minutes (my DC couldn't). "Encouraging" them to sit still at that age essentially means forcibly restraining them for a lot of children.

You say you made judgement about their DD after they had judged your DS but
I suspect they may have noticed you throwing glares whilst their DD toddled around so they've effectively done the same to you although tbh it sounds like you've read too much into it.

Either way it's ridiculous, they're babies. They would have been oblivious!

@Fitforforty

The man wasn’t unkind to your baby. He absently mindly pulled a face which your baby wouldn’t have seen or understood. You sound very judgemental of them too.

Of course he was being unkind FFS. Thankfully baby was oblivious but that doesn't make his nasty behaviour acceptable.

OP I think you would've been well within your rights to let this nasty little man know that he was a nasty little man (in a calm way, as this was a baby event) but it's understandable that in the moment you don't always feel able to call out nasty behaviour.
Your baby sounds lovely and it would've made my day to have a baby bum shuffle up to me to say hi 😁

Your make quite a lot of assumptions there . they could of been on about something totally different.
If a baby was heading in my direction I would still carry my conversion but watching the baby just to make sure i knew where it was . Chance s are just because they were watching your child there weren't even on about him

You clearly didn't like them from the off .

@HotelTowels

Haha I knew someone would make a bitchy comment about the tutu! I judged them after what happened, when writing this post by adding the tutu reference. That's after the man was very consciously unkind about my baby (nothing absent-minded about it).

Yes, somebody did make a bitchy comment about the tutu. You.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@HotelTowels why are you using the word cretin? It’s a very serious health issue not an insult. My friends son is a cretin without the heel prick test he would be disabled now.[/quote]
I genuinely did not know this and thought this word was just a sort of light-hearted insult. Thank you @MyDcAreMarvel for educating me, I feel terrible now. Definitely won't be using that word again.

I get you, but honestly it’s a hormonal thing. Like when I think about a girl at school telling my daughter her dog isn’t cute or something. It makes me want to cry to think of their little face and their innocence. But I know I’m being over sensitive because it’s my little girl. That man was a bit of an idiot pulling a face but he obviously doesn’t really think anything much about your baby. And tbh, you are referring to their pride and joy as ‘tutu baby’. And she was just toddling around having fun and exploring and I’m sure you were rolling your eyes. Maybe her mum felt the same as you!

If I'm reading this right, the "bitchy comment" was "you judged them first."

OP, I think you need to get out more. I say that not as a bitch (well, I am, but in the Amy Poehler kind of way) but because if this is the kind of comment that has you worked up, you really need to gain perspective.

Sorry to the pp about the cretin comment. I honestly had no idea. Thank you for sharing.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@HotelTowels why are you using the word cretin? It’s a very serious health issue not an insult. My friends son is a cretin without the heel prick test he would be disabled now.[/quote]
I thought that the word cretin had long passed from use.

Thanks @BlaBlaSmthSmth for understanding my post!!

Don't over analyse the situation, and you sound completely precious.

No one else will ever think your baby is as cute as you do. This man obviously thinks his dd is more advanced and cuter. It is normal for every parent to think their own baby is amazing. This is instinctive behaviour and ensures parents don't abandon their baby. As your child goes to though school you will need to toughen up as eg your child has a book bag with a level 2 book in and another parent may say to their child 'Oh DS you are so clever already on level 4 and look around for admiring glances'. You will hope your DS did not not hear or notice.

Yeah, but wait until your son's review of the baby performance gets him a secondment as Junior Times Arts Editor. That'll show tutu-biatch baby.

I think we all need to learn how to socialise again.

If you know that the people sitting behind you were looking smug at their dd walking around, that means you had to turn around to look at them. I wonder what YOUR face looked like when you did this

The maternal instinct is strooong and the lioness anger when your child is hurt or upset is overwhelming at times. Even if they're not actually hurt, if you think they might be, or left out, or disadvantaged, it can trigger strong feelings of protectiveness. It just means you're a loving mum!

It does sounds a BIT like a storm in a teacup written down but I know how overly protective I am as a mother and it only gets worse as they grow up - my eldest is at secondary year 9 and teenage boy hormones lead to pushing and shoving and OMG I would go in there with my rolling pin to sort the little arseholes out if he'd let me!

I keep telling myself to toughen up but it's hard! So sympathy OP xxx

boo hoo!
your life must be so exhausting if you are this concerned about what faces other people make. who cares?

and why do you expect other people to adore your baby? it's not their job and they don't have to be kind to massage your ego.

and your baby doesn't have the cognitive skills to process any of it anyway so no harm done to him, whatsoever.

surely, you can't be so insecure and needy that you need validation from other people from other people.
get a grip.

You are incredibly judgemental and the term “cretin” is incredibly offensive.

I have reported your post for the use of that word alone.