Another parent unkind to my baby

[HotelTowels]

I just want to rant about this if that's ok. I was at an outdoor performance for babies today (under 1's). We sat in bubbles on little circles on the grass and watched the show. Babies were encouraged to be themselves, make baby noises, clap, cry or whatever but parents were encouraged to try to keep babies inside the circles until the short show was over, after which there'd be a free play session where they could crawl about.

A mum and dad sat behind us and their little girl (who was wearing a tutu) was walking all around the set of the performance, going right up to the actors, picking up props etc and wandering through the audience. Her parents didn't try and get her, they just sat back looking really smug proud. (To be fair her walking was very advanced). All the other parents kept their babies inside their circles, so why couldn't they?

My little boy was, at first, glued to the performance, giggling and loving it, but as soon as he saw the little girl walking all over the stage he stopped focusing on the show and was itching to crawl over there as well. He's loves going up to other babies whenever he can. So we had to keep pulling him back with us which was frustrating as before she appeared he had been watching the show.

After the show, they let the babies explore freely. My son is 11 months and crawls and also bum shuffles everywhere at the moment. He started excitedly bum shuffling over to other babies. I thought bum shuffling was quite common for babies but he got lots of comments from other parents like "wow look at him go" and "that's a novel way to get around!" All said warmly and kindly.

Then my baby shuffled over to tutu baby's parents and I noticed the dad was watching my son with the most horrible expression on his face. He was shaking his head incredulously and sort of sniggering with a half disgusted look on his face, and started pointing out my son's bum shuffling to his wife/partner and making a sort of mocking face. He then caught me looking at him and quickly switched to a smile. All the while my gorgeous little boy was cheerfully heading over to them with a big smile in a lovely trusting way and was looking right at the dad!

I felt such a surge of protectiveness over my son I had to bite my lip! It really made me sad. Of course my son didn't notice or understand but I can't believe a grown man could behave like that towards a little baby!!

I'm still seething and it was hours ago!!! I guess the playground politics starts now!

post edited by MNHQ in order to remove disablist term

The age when babies develop gross motor skills bears no relation to their intelligence or future ability with other gross motor skills eg run, swim, dance, skate etc. It is only important to their and other baby's parents and the adoring grandparents. In any child's future it will be no more than a curiosity. It was not fair of the other parents to break the rule and spoil the performance for others - your baby is just as advanced cognitively - he too can see what is going on, is curious, confident and sociable and has made that mental leap into making his body go where he wants it to - whether that is crawling, shuffling or walking, and it was just as challenging for you to keep him engaged in the bubble space as it was for the parents of the walking baby. My babies both walked at 16 months and as soon as they walked they were as strong and steady as their earlier walking peers, I was quite grateful they were spared all the falls and head bumps that very early walkers tend to sustain. So you enjoy your little one, and

@HotelTowels

Thanks *@BlaBlaSmthSmth* for understanding my post!!

No problem, It's a completely normal reaction to be upset when a grown man mocks your innocent baby. I think some posters purposely miss the point or enjoy being contrary. It's so unnecessary how rude some posters are.

Unkind to your baby?? Have a bloody word with yourself!
And stop using words you don't understand, btw. Guaranteed to make you look stupid.

Sounds like a non-issue.

So what if he judged your baby? He's allowed to think what the hell he likes. Why do you care? Does your baby care? You can't protect them from judgemental people, teach them to be themselves and not be concerned about other people's opinions. Lead by example, you've let one stranger's face get you so worked up, that's teaching your kid that person's opinion matters. It doesn't.

Honestly, don't sweat the small stuff. Everyone thinks their own kids are amazing ... until you've got a few and they get past the cute stage and turn into ungrateful little gobshites

Ignore them OP.

"Look at our brilliant daughter, as we ignore keeping her inside the deliberately placed circles and she grabs the props of the performance that everyone else is here to enjoy"

These are the parents that go on to let their children run around restaurants and think everyone should be thrilled at how lovely their little one is, as they disrupt everyone else's dinner.

"Oh, what's your problem. It's what children do"

No. It's what some children are allowed to do when their parents have no respect for their surroundings and the other people within them.

Had you said anything, you would have only been told you were jealous of their little star.

Won't be the first, won't be the last

You need to channel your inner Elsa and let it go.

Wound up about tutus, thinking babies spoil performances and worrying about facial expressions - crikey.

Sounds like you were irritated and judgemental about their (what you saw as) slack parenting, and maybe feeling a bit self-conscious about your son's bum shuffling, and have read a lot of malicious intent in the dad's reaction.

Bum shuffling babies are fairly unusual and pretty comical looking, so a laugh and shake of the head and then smile at the parent isn't an outrageous response.

It seems really unlikely that a dad would be deliberately unkind by making a 'mocking idiot face' at a baby. I'm not even sure what that would look like?

@AlternativePerspective

You are incredibly judgemental and the term “cretin” is incredibly offensive.

I have reported your post for the use of that word alone.

Settle down. Most people (everyone) understood what OP meant in the context. She has apologised for causing offence and explained she didn't realise it was offensive.

It is a horrible word to be fair.

@Carbara

Man had facial expression at an event aimed at kids. Fin.

🤣🤣🤣

The tutu must have been massive if it was obstructing the view and unless she was jumping about like Jim Carey in me, myself and Irene it’s unlikely.

We all judge people, just life, the thought will pop into our heads or fall on our faces, least if it was indoors he would have had a mask on and you wouldn’t have seen it.

Don’t let him take up brain space.

Honestly, OP, what expression did you have on your face as Permissively-Parented Tutu Baby went around picking up props -- I assume you were all sweetness and light, admiring her advanced toddling skills and social confidence, and the parenting that made her that way?

I pull a lot of faces at a lot of babies. None of the faces are particularly personal I’m just not the biggest fan of children 🤣

Try not to worry about what you saw, pick your battles ☺️

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

boo hoo! your life must be so exhausting if you are this concerned about what faces other people make. who cares?

and why do you expect other people to adore your baby? it's not their job and they don't have to be kind to massage your ego.

and your baby doesn't have the cognitive skills to process any of it anyway so no harm done to him, whatsoever.

surely, you can't be so insecure and needy that you need validation from other people from other people.
get a grip.

You're unpleasant aren't you.

This was obviously not just a passing facial expression
He was shaking his head incredulously and sort of sniggering with a half disgusted look on his face, and started pointing out my son's bum shuffling to his wife/partner and making a sort of mocking idiot face

Anyone looking in the general direction would've noticed. He obviously also realised that what he was doing was unacceptable as

He then caught me looking at him and quickly switched to a smile

It's completely normal to be upset if you catch someone mocking your baby. Jesus, that doesn't need saying though does it. You already know that but thought you'd take an opportunity to be horrible to someone on the Internet.

@Soubriquet

My dd never crawled. She bumshuffled everywhere at 13 months. She then at 18 months just got up walking without even crushing

My daughter was the same, I'd been dinghy racing until I was 6 months pregnant and when the time came she shuffled, looked over her shoulder to see if she could lay the mark, tacked and continued! My mother thought I should have been worried, she ought to be crawling!

Sounds like everyone is having a good judge there 🙄

So this parent, in your opinion, was making a sort of mocking idiot face as if he thinks my son is a total cretin - then later describe the man as some kind of moron.

You need to pick your battles and update your terminology or you will come to grief.

It wouldn't surprise me if the tutu-wearing walking girl's parents were reading this thread, you've made them pretty identifiable.

I honestly couldn't give a second thought to a facial expression made by another parent.

You may have misread it anyway but even if you didn't, so what? 🤷‍♀️

Afternoon everyone. We're just flagging up that we've edited out the disablist term which was reported to us by MNers.

We can see that the OP has apologised on the thread for using it so we're happy to let the discussion stand now the offensive term has been removed.

Our This Is My Child campaign has lots of information about the ways that people can make life a bit easier for disabled people and their carers. Mumsnet's aim is to make parents' lives easier - please do take a look.

Storm in a teacup. Forget it and move on.

I love a baby in a tutu

misses point of thread

You sound a massive drama llama

1 - there’s nothing wrong with tutus, Gok
2 - you’ve no idea what the man was thinking about where you thought he was throwing your baby daggers
3 - you sound rather jealous of the tutu wearing walking baby and not a very nice person using disabilist language
4 - I’d probably look surprised at a bum shuffling baby invading my space

HTH

This whole thread is just you judging the other family I severely doubt that the dad looked “disgusted” at something as unremarkable as a 1 year old bum shuffling. He and his wife were probably having a conversation about something else altogether. Or was your child wearing a stupid outfit maybe?

Anyway you’ve called the other parents smug, selfish, inconsiderate, implied they’re chavvy or something with the tutu, etc etc….. you’re the one doing the judging and come across really unpleasant. Makes you seem quite odd that you’re giving another family this much headspace.

Honestly no one is going to look down their noise at a child bum shuffling or crawling
This is all in your head and you need to stop because else you’re going to be comparing your DC to everyone else’s forever and it’s honestly not a competition.
By the way you talk about the other child it sounds like there’s some jealousy but I don’t know why because we all know children develop at different ages.

I noticed the dad was watching my son with the most horrible expression on his face. He was shaking his head incredulously and sort of sniggering with a half disgusted look on his face, and started pointing out my son's bum shuffling to his wife/partner and making a sort of mocking face. He then caught me looking at him and quickly switched to a smile.

Lots of interpretation of faces there! Maybe he had wind and managed to let it go just as he noticed you (the man not your baby).

You are over reacting.