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Original poster

Grandson likely to go into care ... im broken

228 replies

Littlelegs2 · 16/06/2021 18:04

Daughter was put in refuge . Just a room. On the same day . She got offered a 2 bed temporary flat and she really wanted it. Told her to contact her social worker for advice. I said to Daughter they won't want you to take the 2 bed. Because the refuge is about you getting in house support keeping your son safe etc . This is what they told her . They were advising her to stay there but also saying it was her choice . They explained how her ex is a heigh risk how he's made threats to kill. How he keeps saying he's going to go after her. That he wants to see her son. And then she kept saying you say I have a choice you say its up to me but it's not is it. She was shouting at them . Then they said to her they have to advice her that they are doing a legal planning meeting and they will send her a list of solicitors. I can't get her to understand very basic things. She keeps saying things like. They won't listen to me. They are stopping me having this nice place to live . She agues over everything. I Don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:

lostitall · 16/06/2021 18:06

Are you part of the legal planning meeting ? Are you able to be part of the safety plan?

Original poster

Littlelegs2 · 16/06/2021 18:10

@lostitall

Are you part of the legal planning meeting ? Are you able to be part of the safety plan?

I Don't know what that means? I would love to have him. But I'm in temporary accommodation and over crowed so I don't think they would let me

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 18:12

Are you also homeless op?

TaraR2020 · 16/06/2021 18:12

I'm not sure I got all the finer details of your post, op, but its an awful situation for your dd and gs to find themselves in and I really feel for you all.

Your dad's head is going to be all over the place, its a huge, terrifying leap to leave an abusive partner and throw yourself into such uncertainty and I'm not surprised she's reacting like this.

I think she could do with an advocate who she feels is fighting her corner and gets the process. Id contact some local charities and see if they can arrange a Mackenzie Friend. Has she an injunction out against him?

You can arrange emergency injunction for free very easily and the law firm that deals with it are very helpful and can provide lots of advice. Just Google emergency injunction and it should be first result.

She might also benefit from support from Womens Aid and Refuge, id give their helplines a call and speak to them.

Are you in a position to help out with your gs at all? If so then I would seek legal advice independently to try and work this out.

TaraR2020 · 16/06/2021 18:12

*dd's not dad's!

UhtredRagnarson · 16/06/2021 18:14

Does your daughter have any learning difficulties? Is she able to have an advocate with her at the meetings? It doesn’t sound like they are at the stage of removing your grandson yet.

Kindlynow · 16/06/2021 18:25

Sounds like they are initiating PLO (public law outline), she won't be present for that first meeting but will be for the subsequent meeting where the Local Authority bring their solicitor and your DD will attend with hers. You may be able to attend depending on the LA. At that meeting they'll set out what DD needs to do to ensure the safety of her child and what the LA need to see from DD. She will have timescales to work towards and a package of support. If there is no change under PLO they may consider initiating care proceedings at that point.

Original poster

Littlelegs2 · 16/06/2021 18:31

@Bluntness100

Are you also homeless op?

Yes

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2021 18:33

Why would she not take the 2bed?

Mulhollandmagoo · 16/06/2021 18:35

Why can't she take the two bed flat?

Original poster

Littlelegs2 · 16/06/2021 18:38

@TaraR2020

I'm not sure I got all the finer details of your post, op, but its an awful situation for your dd and gs to find themselves in and I really feel for you all.

Your dad's head is going to be all over the place, its a huge, terrifying leap to leave an abusive partner and throw yourself into such uncertainty and I'm not surprised she's reacting like this.

She might also benefit from support from Womens Aid and Refuge, id give their helplines a call and speak to them.

Are you in a position to help out with your gs at all? If so then I would seek legal advice independently to try and work this out.

She already has an dv worker. She just moved into a refuge today. So things have not fallen fully into place yet. As we speak he's in prison . He's being let out at the end of the week. The thing is that dd had 20 hours of contact with him whilst in prison when she should not have. Then there was a mutual friend (frenemey) that was passing information on.

I would have him In a heart beat but my place is very over crowded. I have to sleep in the living room. I could fit 4 children in one room by using 2 sets of bunk beds. But my understanding is because it's a care thing gs has to have his own room.

OP posts:

ElderMillennial · 16/06/2021 18:39

I think OP is saying her daughter is advised to stay in the refuge rather than take the two bed flat due to the nasty ex

Original poster

Littlelegs2 · 16/06/2021 18:41

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Why would she not take the 2bed?

Because social services want her in a refuge so she can get the help she needs in order to keep her son safe

OP posts:

Scrambledcustard · 16/06/2021 18:43

@Mulhollandmagoo

Why can't she take the two bed flat?

Because SS have advised she stays at the refuge for her and her childs own safety. I assume the flat offer was from L.A

Tbh OP its highly likely SS will intervene. If she is just not getting it despite them heavily hinting/advising what to do they will take over at some point. His safety comes first

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 18:44

Ok but why does her son have to go into care?

Clearly they don’t think they will be safe if she lives independently, which is possibly valid, but why does the child need to go into care?

Muddydoor · 16/06/2021 18:46

In a refuge its normal to be in one room with your child/children. Can she not do this? Is your grandson too old?

PixieDust28 · 16/06/2021 18:47

I think from what I can gather, if she took the two bed they could not will take steps into removing the grandchild. For his own safety.

How does she not understand that being there is what is keeping them safe.

Is she still in contact with the ex? Have they suggested some sort of fairytale ending between them both?

I have the feeling they think your DD is not being 100% honest on some things.

For her and her sons safety. She needs to stay there.

casade13 · 16/06/2021 18:48

Children are best placed with their family so it’s worth asking your daughter to put you forward as a support/ potential carer! SW will be able to advise re housing situation and any support they could provide.

Your daughter needs to seek legal advice but the PLO process will give her a chance to prove that she can protect her child/ display insight into the risk the father poses. This is really the time to work with services. The refuge keyworker should provide intense support while she is there.

It sounds scary but I guess it’s setting out clearly what is expected and if this isn’t achieved then the case would likely go into proceedings so a judge would make decisions about her child’s care!

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 18:48

@Muddydoor

In a refuge its normal to be in one room with your child/children. Can she not do this? Is your grandson too old?

That’s what I thought.

Scrambledcustard · 16/06/2021 18:49

The thing is that dd had 20 hours of contact with him whilst in prison when she should not have

Who said she wasn't allowed?

If its SS and they find out she is toast.

Scrambledcustard · 16/06/2021 18:53

@Muddydoor

In a refuge its normal to be in one room with your child/children. Can she not do this? Is your grandson too old?

She wants to leave the refuge to take the 2 bed flat.

fionnthedog · 16/06/2021 18:54

This sounds so hard for you

I suspect that SS are concerned that your DD is not demonstrating that she is able to keep your DGS away from her violent ex. If they know she visited him in prison (and presumably said to SS she wouldn’t) and is now considering leaving a refuge when he’s just about to be released.

As others have said your DD needs to talk to SS about how she can demonstrate that she won’t allow the violent ex access to DGS which would put him at risk.

Obviously this is all guesswork so do make sure she gets legal advice if you can and keep encouraging her to work with SS and not against.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 18:55

Op are you saying your grandson is likely going to go into care becayse she will continue to see her ex ? That she continued to see him in jail and as such your grandson will be taken into care?

Bythemillpond · 16/06/2021 18:57

Because social services want her in a refuge so she can get the help she needs in order to keep her son safe

So why if she has done what they said and gone into a refuge are they planning on taking her child

toocold54 · 16/06/2021 18:57

It sounds like she is going to take him back so it would be better for her to stay in the refuge until she is strong enough.

Do you have a close relationship?
Could she apply for a 2 bed in a completely different area and then you move with her so you all get a fresh start.

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