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Original poster

My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

322 replies

Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 06:55

Kind of lighthearted I guess, but I’ve just discovered through the world of Facebook that my secondary school bully who threatened to kill me for no reason is now an established counsellor / psychotherapist…. Probably the last person I would have thought who would ever help anybody!

I remember going on a trip abroad with our school and she threatened to kill me whilst out there, the teachers didn’t take it seriously and it was a horrendous experience! She was a bitchy gossip who constantly belittled others for no reason other than for entertainment. And now I see she does all sort of work for charity too. Probably the most vile human being I’ve ever met. Hope no one goes to her for help!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 09:51

Sorry was meant to quote Novelusername :-)

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 13/06/2021 09:53

@sleepygnome

Bullies are usually deeply troubled people.

Not always. Some are just sadistic, immoral, entitled shits who know they will always be forgiven if they cry enough crocodile tears and the naive will lap it up.

This.

Some bullies have shot childhoods etc but certainly not all. You’ve described their reasoning perfectly!

Being bullied chronically at school must be one of the most traumatic experiences for a child to go through. Most of those I know that were bullied were shells of themselves. Quiet, timid, shy and not perceived as cool. Aka easy targets.

Despite their horrendous experiences, I doubt many on them went on to bully others.

lastqueenofscotland · 13/06/2021 09:54

I’ve an acquaintance (I’d not use the word friend) who is a councillor/therapist of some sort and she is an absolute piece of work. I think a few of us were surprised (to say the least!) when we found out what she did for a living

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Spied · 13/06/2021 09:56

My childhood bully is now the manager of a care home.
She's won awards for going above and beyond for those in her care and doing all she can to improve the quality of care and her service users' quality of life and was in the newspapers being hailed an inspiration.
People in authority and those she deems useful to her and worthy think the sun shines out her ass- just like they did all those years ago at school.
She's a manipulator and her staff actually don't like her as she's still a bully underneath it all.
I'd not trust her to look after my dog

MichelleScarn · 13/06/2021 09:58

@sleepygnome

Bullies are usually deeply troubled people.

Not always. Some are just sadistic, immoral, entitled shits who know they will always be forgiven if they cry enough crocodile tears and the naive will lap it up.

Agree- and we're back at the #bekind shenanigans. Oh be kind to your bully because there must be a reason they're acting like that. Where's the telling of be kind and stop your behaviour to the bully?
thedancingbear · 13/06/2021 09:59

There was all kinds of piss-taking and nastiness in my school, but the only person who was genuinely and consistently horrible to me was, it turned out, deeply fucked up. Abysmal home life, failing academically despite trying in school, and I later found out that he had been in long-term fostering and his dad had been killed in one of the middle east conflicts.

I thought he was an appalling human being at the time, but looking back, I feel more symphathy. He must have felt like total shit. Of course it doesn't excuse his behaviour but, for me, it helped explain it.

Crinkle77 · 13/06/2021 10:00

@Gilead

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.
Yes or celebrants. I know two very senior managers who have now left my workplace who are now celebrants. They were both narcissists and the least unlikely people you'd imagine to go in to that profession.
Goldensyrupissticky · 13/06/2021 10:04

Wow. I encountered a really unpleasant woman who launched a virtual attack on me for my awful crime of giving away two booster seats and some asked for them a few minutes before hand. A whole string of messages which was a little unhinged. Even the group moderator was a little taken aback.

Saw her advertising on FB as a counsellor…..

StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 10:04

@TableFlowerss what I'm ''on about'' is what causes people to behave badly. There are going to be reasons for that. It serves them in some way. They have an inability to experience shame? So, bingo, they deflect it outwards. It's not necessarily an excuse. It is what it is.

SunflowerOwl · 13/06/2021 10:05

That must be really weird for you.

A girl that was horrible to me at school is now a midwife at our local hospital - I'm 30 weeks pregnant and absolutely dreading her being there when I go into labour!

FrippEnos · 13/06/2021 10:08

Missusblusky1

Just to add to what others have put on here.

Its a perfect profession to influence and have some control over someone's life whilst still patting themselves on the back for all the 'good' that they have done.

SkiingIsHeaven · 13/06/2021 10:10

Our friends wife is a therapist and she is a psychopath. I worry about what she says to the kids she supposedly helps.

ancientgran · 13/06/2021 10:12

I think I'm very like I was at 13 or 14. I still like animals, I still give to charities and worry about the people in the world who have nothing, I still hate racism and sexism, I still like chocolate, I still don't drink alcohol or smoke.

Was I supposed to change? When, why?

Spied · 13/06/2021 10:13

@SunflowerOwl

Tell your midwife you do not want her involved in your care.
You do have a say.

Stoolpigeon21 · 13/06/2021 10:16

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

The vilest, most poisonous-tongued bully at my senior school - head of her little ‘coven’ of bullies - went on to be a primary teacher. I’ve often felt for the poor little kids who came under her control.
Bullying in the teaching profession is rife. Not usually teacher-student - most often it’s senior management-teacher.
newnortherner111 · 13/06/2021 10:16

Avoiding at all costs and not acknowledging her in the unlikely event that she contacts you is a reasonable response.

I have never sought a therapist, but if I was going to, I would want to know if they have made death threats in the past. I'm not sure how you could ensure that some form of accountability for her actions could happen, and I am sure Facebook would not remove her business pages for example.

MintyMabel · 13/06/2021 10:19

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.

You have the data on that?

Hen2018 · 13/06/2021 10:19

My professional counsellor was a bully!

Confusedandshaken · 13/06/2021 10:20

People can change. One of the nicest women I know was such a horrific bully as a teenager that police were involved. She's a mum now and a really lovely person. She grew up, had therapy and completely changed. She is deeply ashamed of the things she did. She moved away from the area she grew up in to make a fresh start away from her terrible reputation.

Like a few other posters I am also a trained counsellor and psychotherapist (the example above is someone I know personally, not a client). You don't have to be a perfect human to be a good counsellor. If you did there wouldn't be any because we are all flawed. but the training to be a BACP/UKCP registered practitioner is rigorous. In my many years of training I've only ever known one person who I considered personally unsuitable be passed as fit to practice. Generally, the ones who aren't suitable don't pass.

MintyMabel · 13/06/2021 10:21

Was I supposed to change? When, why?

Only if how you were at 13 has led to problems in your adult life. As you get older, the things which are unacceptable as an adult tend to get knocked out of you.

SunflowerOwl · 13/06/2021 10:22

@Spied I absolutely intend to but I know just seeing her and knowing she's around will make me feel on edge!

vickyp0llard · 13/06/2021 10:23

Out of the two girls who were vile and bullied me at school, one became a nursery nurse and one became a primary teacher. It makes sense tbh. If you’re a mean, controlling person who enjoys lording it over other people - wouldn’t you pick a job where you’re in a position of power over vulnerable people?

Pewpew · 13/06/2021 10:23

That does not surprise me!

Everydayisawindingroad · 13/06/2021 10:26

@Gilead

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.
This. Positions of power are like bees to honey for them.
Nocutenamesleft · 13/06/2021 10:26

@Lora918

I had a school bully too. She mocked my appearance (teenage acne) and my maths and spelling skills (dyslexic) constantly. I was the lucky one as others were even physically abused by her. This was high school.

I remember after graduating from uni a few friends mentioned how much the bully had changed. Fast forward a few months and whilst shopping I bumped into her. She said a big hi and moved in for a hug. I was very very cold towards her and she noticed. That might I received a message on FB from her. She said she realised I wasnt friendly today and wanted to reach out and apologise for her past behaviour. She explained that even though years had passed she felt terrible and wanted me to know all her behaviour was due to loosing her mum (she doesn tknow her father) in year 7 and having to move in with a horrid uncle.

I have forgiven and moved on since. We are not the best of friends but when I do bump into her we do have small talks. She is now married with a lovely daughter. I hope she is able to have the happiness she deserved as a child.

We don't know what others are going through

Same

My bully came up to me in my 20’s and said how sorry she was for what she put me through

Although I’m actually a great believer in that people can change. Especially those in school. None of us can say we’re the same as our 13 yr olds

I felt she was doing it to relieve her own guilt…I felt that a sorry wasn’t enough for what she put me through. Sadly she lives near to me and tried often to say sorry. I never really got over what she did to me in school though. So why should a one word relive her of all responsibilities?