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Original poster

My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

322 replies

Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 06:55

Kind of lighthearted I guess, but I’ve just discovered through the world of Facebook that my secondary school bully who threatened to kill me for no reason is now an established counsellor / psychotherapist…. Probably the last person I would have thought who would ever help anybody!

I remember going on a trip abroad with our school and she threatened to kill me whilst out there, the teachers didn’t take it seriously and it was a horrendous experience! She was a bitchy gossip who constantly belittled others for no reason other than for entertainment. And now I see she does all sort of work for charity too. Probably the most vile human being I’ve ever met. Hope no one goes to her for help!!!!

OP posts:
growinggreyer · 13/06/2021 07:34

@MoreAloneTime

I think you can change your behaviour but not your personality. You have to learn to live with yourself.
You can grow and change, everyone can. Past hurts that you are acting out can be healed and moved past. A teenager that acted in a spiteful way shouldn't be imprisoned in that box for the rest of their lives.
Onlinedilema · 13/06/2021 07:36

It doesn't surprise me at all. I got to know a woman who's personal life was totally screwed, she sounded insane. I was gobsmacked when she told me she was a therapist.

Raffles1981 · 13/06/2021 07:37

My bully was vile. She poured drinks over me, made me repeat things like "I am pathetic"... It was endless. She's now a life coach. Just odd.

Interested in this thread?

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General education
HeyGirlHeyBoy · 13/06/2021 07:37

At the risk of repeating myself (!), if she's trained at a reputable and registered institution, she will have had therapy and supervision and been assessed along the way. Many people don't complete these courses and the directors are often not shy about being very direct. I remember plenty of people, one in particular, who were cruel as teens, who are very decent and upright adults. Time can be everything but in this person's case, probably over a hundred hours of therapy also.

Jellycatspyjamas · 13/06/2021 07:38

I think you can change your behaviour but not your personality. You have to learn to live with yourself.

I’m not remotely the same person now as I was at school, I’m not shy anymore, have changed my views and opinions about a whole host of issues, I relate to people in a very different way. Of course it’s possible to change your personality- the whole point of therapy is the possibility of change.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 13/06/2021 07:39

That's dreadful Raffles, a life coach is really not the same thing tho.

MoreAloneTime · 13/06/2021 07:43

If people find it helps to believe they've had a personality change that's fine. I'm not convinced and I'd absolutely love parts of my personality to be different but all I can do is try to change my behaviour patterns in ways that are more constructive to my life.

MichelleScarn · 13/06/2021 07:44

[quote GingerScallop]**@MoreAloneTime even if they did what they did when they were children or not quite adults themselves? Wow

I guess because am a flawed person trying to better myself, this statement alway really strikes me hard, makes me emotional and I always wonder if those that say/believe it are and have always been absolutely perfect. Must be really nice and perhaps powerful to know you have and will always be flawless. No snark intended. I really wonder n it makes me sad for myself and my life's mistakes (no, I wasn't a bully but I have hurt a few people).[/quote]
I didn't get at all that @MoreAloneTime said or thinks they are perfect at all? (Not speaking for them at all here!) That's a hefty guilt trippy thing to say!

TurdCrapley · 13/06/2021 07:44

One of my bullies is a nurse. It made me shudder when I first found out years ago but I'd like to think she's no longer the vile 14 year old that I remember. I'm certainly nothing like I was when I was 14. Hopefully she has changed, realised how horrific she was and wants to help other people now🤞

Leftphalange · 13/06/2021 07:46

I'm so sorry you went through that.

I do believe people can change, or as someone else said, change their behaviour. Hopefully she realises it was terrible, it could even be one of the reasons she ended up in this line of work and why she does charity work.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 13/06/2021 07:47

It's not about a personality change as such, but a healing, an awareness of patterns of thought and behaviour etc. A longterm therapist would notice and challenge these things. Of course she could be an absolute parasite but generally, yes, of course people can change, especially regarding teen behaviour.

CutieBear · 13/06/2021 07:49

It seems that a lot of bullies and bitches become nurses and counsellors! Or they’re the type to post statuses on Facebook or captions on Insta photos about mental health and “be kind.” It is so strange.

I don’t think she has changed much. Psychotic teens don’t stop being psychotic when they reach adulthood. They get better at hiding it.

MaybeCrazy2 · 13/06/2021 07:52

People change.

Maybe she was a bully due to a shit childhood and no one helping her and so now she is older and more understanding has decided to try and be the help others need?

Or maybe she likes hearing other people’s problems because it makes her feel better??

Soubriquet · 13/06/2021 07:52

My childhood bully is now a midwife and took care of me after I had a miscarriage

I was a bit apprehensive but she was nothing but professional and was actually kinder because she knew me. She let my husband come in before visiting hours to comfort me.

I think she has changed but she could have just been faking it for her profession.

Either way, what’s done is done I guess

Dozer · 13/06/2021 07:55

Sadly some people go into some jobs with bad motives.

Others think they’re empathetic etc but have poor self insight!

Nothing you can do, agree avoiding her would be best.

WornOutWorm · 13/06/2021 07:57

People grow up and become better versions of their child self. Maybe this persons training as made her change her ways. I get that you have specific feelings because of what you were subjected but holding onto grudges and hatred only hurts you more. Perhaps you need to find a release for these feelings so you can find a way of not letting the persons actions affect you anymore

I had an incident at work in September 2018 with a person and I just let it eat me inside then I saw an incident involving this person in July 2020 and all the hatred I felt just disappeared. It for those 2 years I was consumed with anger for them, it did me no good at all.

Tempusfudgeit · 13/06/2021 08:03

Make an appointment with her and get a few things off your chest! A drinking, drug-taking, shop-lifting, promiscuous girl at my school became a police officer (shrug)

Craftycorvid · 13/06/2021 08:08

It would give me pause for thought if a former bully became a counsellor, especially if I had suffered at their hands. As pp say, the person might have been going through all sorts of things at home before having therapy themselves and making the decision to train - a not uncommon route into this line of work! Or, the person may actually have found a role that offers them a great deal of power and that is the attraction. Hard one to call! It is a lengthy, expensive and personally demanding course of training that generally picks up those unsuited to the work. It’s not infallible because nothing is! It must be a weird feeling, OP, like hearing your bully has just won a prize for humanitarian work!

lavenderandwisteria · 13/06/2021 08:10

Do people really think it’s impossible to change from being 13/14/15 to being in your thirties/forties?

Because I’m in trouble in that case!

Happymum12345 · 13/06/2021 08:10

People can change, rarely, but some do. Let’s hope she has seen the error of her ways and is now a kind and thoughtful therapist.

romdowa · 13/06/2021 08:12

One of the bullies from my secondary school is a midwife 🤣🤣 I've discovered however that she will be on maternity leave when I'm due and I've never been so thankful. I couldn't imagine her being my midwife she was horrible.

StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 08:12

What a horrible discovery. One of the women who went out of her way to exclude me at work was involved in an anti-bullying initiative at schools, and another is a teacher! I had a big enough shock when I discovered that covert scapegoating narcissist number 1 was involved in an anti-bullying thing, so I can't imagine your shock Brew

TheoMeo · 13/06/2021 08:13

I think people with troubled childhoods or early adult hoods think that as they have experienced it they KNOW how it feels and can now (after reading various self help books or having therapy) can help others deal with similar.
I know I though I could do that.
I did some support work but not therapy and in some ways was helpful but genuine therapy is complex imv. Not for those who just want to help.

LostThings · 13/06/2021 08:14

One of my school bullies is now a midwife. I found out when I turned up to have a sweep and it was her doing it! She barely spoke to me and I still think she's a bitch! Luckily never had to see her again after that.

Slipperrr · 13/06/2021 08:18

Not that it excuses bullying at all, but a lot of people have deep rooted issues themselves, usually at home when children. Not surprised many are drawn to a career after probably accessing therapy post school, and depending on the reasons why, it's completely possible to address them and change. That said, some people are just arseholes aren't they.