Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

322 replies

Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 06:55

Kind of lighthearted I guess, but I’ve just discovered through the world of Facebook that my secondary school bully who threatened to kill me for no reason is now an established counsellor / psychotherapist…. Probably the last person I would have thought who would ever help anybody!

I remember going on a trip abroad with our school and she threatened to kill me whilst out there, the teachers didn’t take it seriously and it was a horrendous experience! She was a bitchy gossip who constantly belittled others for no reason other than for entertainment. And now I see she does all sort of work for charity too. Probably the most vile human being I’ve ever met. Hope no one goes to her for help!!!!

OP posts:
81Byerley · 13/06/2021 08:53

I was considering training to be a counsellor once, and attended a 6 week "introduction to counselling" course prior to signing up. The other candidates were the most weird, self-centred, narcissistic bunch of people I'd ever met, and there was not one of them that I would have considered going to. At the end of the 6 weeks, the woman in charge was surprised when I said I wouldn't be going ahead with the course...

StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 09:02

@81Byerley wow, that's interesting. They were only in the introduction course, I wouldn't have expected them to fit my perception of a fully trained therapist in the six week introduction course! I might have felt relieved that we were all starting from ground zero! But I wonder why it mattered what the others were like? Maybe you would have warmed up to them after time. I mean, it was your decision, your goal, the others were not the point.

Did you ever think about the decision not to pursue it? It's' something I think about but it's a huge decision.

Strugglingtodomybest · 13/06/2021 09:04

Pictish

If it’s not that, they reckon they can read tarot cards, will perform reiki or will make a lot of noise about volunteering at a food bank or what have you.

This made me laugh, I know exactly what you mean!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Novelusername · 13/06/2021 09:04

I can honestly say that all the therapists I've met have been an absolute mess and for that reason I would never go for therapy. One ex-colleague who was a gossip, extremely naive and had a violent streak is now a therapist. Another friend who is extremely naive, directionless, hapless and clueless is an NHS CBT therapist. I met another man at an event and he stayed in touch with me via email. He sent me some weird emails that were projecting all sorts of inaccurate interpretations onto things I had said to him, completely unprofessional. He seemed to be lost in his own life and was having a fantasy about me. It seems these people are quite clueless and become therapists because they see the study of psychology as almost a religion that will help them understand the world that they so gravely can't comprehend a bit better - well, good for them, but I wouldn't be taking any of their advice. A combination of cluelessness, haplessness and gossipy tendencies seems to be a prerequisite for being a therapist from what I've seen and for that reason I'd rather take my chances with a self-help book or YouTube!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 13/06/2021 09:09

Please don't equate 'therapists' with psychotherapists! I'd be very surprised if a lot of the people above are psychotherapist trained!!

Nachteule · 13/06/2021 09:09

That’s scary. When my counselling course finished I was really concerned about the future clients of some of the people who were on it. One bloke clearly hated women, one had severe and unresolved issues from childhood abuse, another had the empathy of a starving lion in the company of an injured deer. I think I was the only one who didn’t go into any sort of counselling related job on the basis I didn’t think I was very good at it. The rest of the group are all out there somewhere wreaking havoc on their unsuspecting clients.

WeIcomeToGilead · 13/06/2021 09:10

@Gilead

Absolutely - the three psychologists on my family are all really horrible and narcissistic in private life, it’s absolutely incredible seeing that you front

StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 09:15

The only time I've met a therapist has been when I went for therapy!
I used to know a lovely woman who stopped coming for coffee with a gang of mums (this was years ago) and we all reflected when we realised that we had turned her off with our gossiping Blush so she is a person I admire, even though she rejected me as a friend. YKWIM? that woman was training to be a psychotherapist and i believe she's qualified now.

@Novelusername I do know what you mean about psychology and philosophy becoming like a religion. I have looked for meaning there. I am also in a relationship with youtube :-p it's the one! :-)
But I was obsessively watching clips about becoming more resilient, becoming braver, reacting less emotionally, and my actual real life therapist suggested to me that I be kinder to myself first and we could work on the other goals later. I have been focused on being kinder to myself this last year and have used youtube and self help books (but different angles) and I feel that although the information is all out there, maybe you need a nudge in a particular direction.

I've been lucky with my psychotherapists. I've only had two but they were both what I needed at the time. Still seeing the second one!

I'm also reading / watching youtube on my own of course. I'm currently reading a book called The self-care habit by Fiona Brennan. I like it. Who knows what self-care is? Is it wine? is it crisps!? This book is really breaking it down in a helpful way. I'm working my way through the book slowly because it has a lot of exercises in it though.

If my psychotherapist hadn't changed my direction from ''make me better, make me stronger, make me more controlled'' then it's not a book I'd ever have picked up.

StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 09:17

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

Please don't equate 'therapists' with psychotherapists! I'd be very surprised if a lot of the people above are psychotherapist trained!!
Yes, a crucial distinction I'd say. The only two people I've been to have both been psychotherapists. They're about 7 years down the line from a six week course!
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/06/2021 09:17

The vilest, most poisonous-tongued bully at my senior school - head of her little ‘coven’ of bullies - went on to be a primary teacher.
I’ve often felt for the poor little kids who came under her control.

cushioncovers · 13/06/2021 09:17

One of the bullies from my secondary school is a midwife

I've worked in a maternity unit in Nhs hospital you'd be amazed at how many midwives are absolutely lovely to their patients and vile to other staff members.

Novelusername · 13/06/2021 09:17

...oh, and I nearly forgot! There was another woman I met who was a therapist and she tried to rope me into her MLM 'women empowering women' scheme. When I turned it down she told me I was naive for not believing in alternative economic systems and I never heard from her again. Seriously, avoid these people like the plague, they will only frustrate you or make you feel even more isolated and misunderstood when you are at your most vulnerable!

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 13/06/2021 09:21

I find it absolutely bewildering that so many people seem to think that everyone is exactly the same all the way through their lives, that noone is ever different as an adult to how they were as a child or teen.

Do you honestly think that people just remain in a state of stasis all of their lives? That nobody changes or grows or develops or is shaped by their life's experiences?

Novelusername · 13/06/2021 09:22

HeyGirlHeyBoy
I can confirm that at least two of those people I've mentioned are fully qualified PSYCHOTHERAPISTS! The others I don't know exactly what their qualifications are.

Youmakemewannashout · 13/06/2021 09:25

Who better to assist and give therapy to someone who has issues in their lives than a therapist who has had those issues in their own lives at some time? I agree with the posters who say that bad behaviour is usually a reflection of a difficult and unpleasant lifestyle .

TableFlowerss · 13/06/2021 09:26

I was surprised to find out that a lady I used to work with, is in that sort of field. Surprising because I was told by a reliable source, that she was badly bullied at a teenager by the same woman. Not something she would lie about.

Another woman I used to go to school with, who was also a cow, ie taking the piss out of people she thought she was better than, is also some kind of counsellor. I thought there’s no way I’d go to you, you’d be laughing about people behind their back.

Doesn’t sit right with me at all. Yes people can chance but I still think if you had a nasty streak at school, there’s a good chance that’s still within them!

Original poster
Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 09:28

All the people on here saying she’s probably changed etc, I certainly have never repeatedly threatened to kill anybody, especially for no reason…!! I didn’t have a great childhood either but didn’t resort to some of things things she said and did…

Also, this happened whilst we were 18, so more or less an adult, I have no intention of speaking or meeting with her, and will avoid at all costs.

OP posts:
romdowa · 13/06/2021 09:31

@cushioncovers

One of the bullies from my secondary school is a midwife

I've worked in a maternity unit in Nhs hospital you'd be amazed at how many midwives are absolutely lovely to their patients and vile to other staff members.

I definitely wouldn't be surprised. I've come across some awful awful people in health care to both co workers and patients. It frightens me how they stay in that line of work.
StayCalm99 · 13/06/2021 09:31

''A nasty streak'' = projecting all your shame outwards?
That level of denial doesn't disappear overnight but it's not impossible to step out of denial and stop projecting shame outwards is it. People do do it.

TableFlowerss · 13/06/2021 09:38

@StayCalm99

''A nasty streak'' = projecting all your shame outwards? That level of denial doesn't disappear overnight but it's not impossible to step out of denial and stop projecting shame outwards is it. People do do it.
What you on about? Make excuses all you want but the fact is - Some people have a nasty streak in them. Fact of life.

There were the genuinely lovely people at school who wouldn’t hurt a fly. The ones with the nasty streak are not those people!!

Foxhasbigsocks · 13/06/2021 09:38

I think op that some bullies will always be attracted to the caring professions where they get access to / power over vulnerable people. As an extreme example look at the convicted murderer Field in Buckinghamshire who was trying to become a vicar. Obviously they don’t represent the norm in those professions, where most people have appropriate genuine motivations.

I used to know someone who is now a well respected life coach - at that time they were very selfish and openly laughed at the person they considered the ‘weakest link’ in a group at university. This person’s website makes them sound very caring which isn’t a side of them I saw, certainly.

I also know a counsellor (an acquaintance) who I have been told third hand mocks the town where their counselling business is placed (not where the counsellor lives).

Novelusername · 13/06/2021 09:38

@Missusblusky1

All the people on here saying she’s probably changed etc, I certainly have never repeatedly threatened to kill anybody, especially for no reason…!! I didn’t have a great childhood either but didn’t resort to some of things things she said and did…

Also, this happened whilst we were 18, so more or less an adult, I have no intention of speaking or meeting with her, and will avoid at all costs.

I agree, I had a crappy childhood too but I didn't bully anyone. Bullying is not the direct result of a crappy childhood as plenty of people who have had that experience don't go on to bully. What it does show is an inability to manage emotions, an egotistical streak and sadism.
RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 13/06/2021 09:43

My ex colleague who is a 'find your match' relationship counsellor has been having two relationships at the same time for years. She married one of them and had two children with him, while also in a relationship with another guy. As far as I'm aware, both relationships are still ongoing. I guess she's good at finding 'matches'!

sleepygnome · 13/06/2021 09:49

Bullies are usually deeply troubled people.

Not always. Some are just sadistic, immoral, entitled shits who know they will always be forgiven if they cry enough crocodile tears and the naive will lap it up.

Original poster
Missusblusky1 · 13/06/2021 09:51

Spot on!

OP posts: