Page 11 | My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

Missusblusky1 · 2021-06-13T05:55:35+00:00

Kind of lighthearted I guess, but I’ve just discovered through the world of Facebook that my secondary school bully who threatened to kill me for no reason is now an established counsellor / psychotherapist…. Probably the last person I would have thought who would ever help anybody! I remember going on a trip abroad with our school and she threatened to kill me whilst out there, the teachers didn’t take it seriously and it was a horrendous experience! She was a bitchy gossip who constantly belittled others for no reason other than for entertainment. And now I see she does all sort of work for charity too. Probably the most vile human being I’ve ever met. Hope no one goes to her for help!!!!

StayCalm99 · 14/06/2021 18:44

@plumpynoo

I'm a counsellor and psychotherapist and I used to be a dickhead. I was a dick head because I had no self worth, alcoholic parents and was suffering from childhood emotional neglect. It was through going to counselling after I fucked up my first marriage that I realised that I was ruining my own life with pushing my issues outwards, and ultimately once I had dealt with my issues realised that I wanted to help others do the same so retrained. You will often find that counsellor's find the profession after having a lot of counselling themselves as it makes them more empathetic to others issues. Do you think it could be something similar for her?

That makes a lot of sense plumpynoo

Pinky1952 · 14/06/2021 18:52

My FIL was good friends with a family and was godparent to one of the children. One was a nurse in the ICU at our local hospital and the mother was also a nurse at the same hospital. Due to their interference between my DP and his dad they fell out or should I say his dad fell out with my DP. The result was that my FIL wouldn't have anything to do with him till the day he died. This family got rid of everything belonging to my FIL after his death and our solicitor even had to battle with his solicitor as he left everything to a local charity. We even had to prove that we had been paying my FIL life insurances for years after he had given them over to us. These were supposed to be caring nurses but there was another nasty side to them.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 14/06/2021 18:53

Go and see her for therapy and cite all your school years experiences with her!

A girl we were at school with is now a counsellor. She wasn't a bully as such but a very gauche and childish person.

Insertcreativenamehere · 14/06/2021 19:04

@plumpynoo exactly my point and well done you x

StayCalm99 · 14/06/2021 19:04

Instead of wasting 60 odd pounds, i suppose messaging her on facebook and saying something like "i see you are a counsellor now. This has been playing on my mind because as I recall, you werent the caring type. Far from it. Have you changed?"

If she ignores it then she has not taken responsibility for the impact her behaviour had on you, and maybe others.

The risk there is being ignored.

peppermintpat · 14/06/2021 19:12

I would be contacting her and reminding her what she did to you!

EthelMerman · 14/06/2021 19:15

@Gilead

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.

Sadly true. ExH of a colleague is exactly that. Very controlling of his family. Has been booked to counsel young people where I work. I did speak up but was told we couldn’t let incidents in his private life impact on his professional life. Gave me the rage. 🤬

EthelMerman · 14/06/2021 19:29

That said as @plumpynoo and others have said, it is possible to grow and change and become a better person. I don’t think I’m quite the nerk I was at 18 or 25.

Still, can’t imagine anyone wanting to walk into a counselling appointment only to come face to face with their childhood bully, however much that person has grown.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201701/do-people-really-change

Ddot · 14/06/2021 19:29

Does it matter if she has changed the point is she should apologise. Probably be good at her job she has been an evil torturous bitch so could see both sides or maybe still a cow deep down

Ddot · 14/06/2021 19:32

Out the cow

Ddot · 14/06/2021 19:41

Write her a letter anon, explain that your writing because u remember the treatment she dished out as a young woman. Maybe she should write a paper on bullying and life threatening behaviour, as she has first hand knowledge on that subject. Do your employers know of your past?

purrswhileheeats · 14/06/2021 19:50

Bullies very rarely change, especially high school bullies. The rot is set in; they will never have an epiphany or feel any remorse for their actions. They grow up to become tyrants in the workplace or abusive partners.

calvados · 14/06/2021 19:57

I suppose if children who’ve been abused by paedophiles go on to abuse children themselves with or without counselling, it’s almost probable that a bully has been on the receiving end of a bad experience too. Let’s hope that your school bully has genuinely broken the cycle and is looking forward now. However, in my personal experience for what it’s worth, people don’t change much! My school bully is now working with vulnerable adults… Gawd help them 😦

MollyMinniesMum · 14/06/2021 20:05

Just to say…. Not all counsellors help people! Some are downright dangerous

CallMeNutribullet · 14/06/2021 20:05

I was bullied at high school so understand the impact it can have on your life but lots of people who bully as children have painful things going on a home - that kind of behaviour comes from somewhere.

It's also true that a number of therapists have trauma in their childhood. Mine did.

SunshineCake · 14/06/2021 20:11

@calvados

I suppose if children who’ve been abused by paedophiles go on to abuse children themselves with or without counselling, it’s almost probable that a bully has been on the receiving end of a bad experience too. Let’s hope that your school bully has genuinely broken the cycle and is looking forward now. However, in my personal experience for what it’s worth, people don’t change much! My school bully is now working with vulnerable adults… Gawd help them 😦

This is such a dangerous post.

Most kids who are abused DO NOT abuse anyone else.

The way you've written it makes it sound a known given. Like anything, there probably are abuse victims who become an abuser but I'd say it is a tiny tiny amount.

Ddot · 14/06/2021 20:32

Maybe she just relishes other peoples pain.

CallMeNutribullet · 14/06/2021 20:52

I once read that person who have experienced childhood abuse/trauma will either turn their pain in on themselves or out on the world.

That helped me understand we don't always deal with things in the same way. Personally I'm a completely different person now to when I was a teenager. It's bizarre that other people think you don't change.

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 14/06/2021 20:58

@LostThings

One of my school bullies is now a midwife. I found out when I turned up to have a sweep and it was her doing it! She barely spoke to me and I still think she's a bitch! Luckily never had to see her again after that.

How awful for you, as if having a sweep isn't bad enough!!!

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 14/06/2021 21:07

Very good CallMeNutriBullet Hitler turned his outward.. There are some that wonder if he'd had his own family to take it out on, he may not have taken it out on the world. My DH turned it in on himself

PlsSendWine · 14/06/2021 21:58

Actually it unfortunately does, vicious cycles repeating themselves

Inwiththenew · 14/06/2021 22:19

I could be wrong but I think it’s possible that a lot of therapists are narcissists who basically teach other narcissists how to get away with their despicable behaviour by conditioning their responses with the use of non violent and soft language.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2021 22:21

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

She will have had many hours of therapy herself before becoming a psychotherapist and her work will be supervised always so you don't need to worry on that score. I can see how it seems a strange one alright. As a pp said, she must have had something going on herself to treat you so dreadfully and it's appalling that the school didn't deal with it properly.

To be fair the OP said that she was a Counsellor/Therapist. That is not the same as a Psychotherapist and requires no therapy!

Anyone attracted to Counselling as a professional will inevitably have become more introspective and reflective though.

Someone said there are lots of Therapists who are bullies and narcissistic in their nature. Speaking as a Clinical Psychologist of more than 30 years who has worked with many in my own profession, as well as Counsellors and Psychotherapists, I have never come across that. I have though known a few with borderline personality disorder (now referred to as emotionally unstable personality disorder). This is dangerous in a counsellor or therapist of any kind, but is completely different to narcissism and bullying.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2021 22:26

@calvados

I suppose if children who’ve been abused by paedophiles go on to abuse children themselves with or without counselling, it’s almost probable that a bully has been on the receiving end of a bad experience too. Let’s hope that your school bully has genuinely broken the cycle and is looking forward now. However, in my personal experience for what it’s worth, people don’t change much! My school bully is now working with vulnerable adults… Gawd help them 😦

Only a very tiny percentage of people who were sexually abused as children go on to abuse children themselves. Remember you hear/read about them. You don’t hear/read about the silent vast majority who quietly get on with their lives, often carrying PTSD or great emotional pain.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 14/06/2021 23:03

That's good to know Annie Snap from someone really in the know!

The OP did mention psychotherapist in her first post.

My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

Interested in this thread?