How do I respond to/deal with this? CF.

[PutTheCakeDOWN]

Not sure where to start really!
I was going to try and be vague and not outing but I won’t be able to explain it properly. Plus I suppose if the person sees this then problem solved maybe!?

I live in an area which is very popular for winter holidays. It’s the Cairngorms.

I have three small children, a demanding job and a husband who works offshore. Our time together when he’s home is precious.

I have a slight acquaintance/friend who I know via another friend.

2.5 years ago we were introduced to this friend.
2 years ago she invited herself to stay with us in her campervan with her family - 2 teenagers and twin babies. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, they ‘love to ski and sledge’ and I’m too nice and a people pleaser.
It was one of the worst weeks ever. They completely latched onto us, migrated into the house because it was ‘too cold’ in the van (no shit!), left mess everywhere, argued constantly, kept palming the kids off onto our nanny (who is like one of the family and who is vital because of DH being offshore) and were generally just a complete nightmare. It was so stressful.

The last few weeks I’ve had hints about them coming back this Christmas. DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!

She has asked when we’re free. I said we’re busy. She said ‘surely not for the whole month!?’ I’ve politely said that I can’t commit to them coming as we haven’t made plans yet but don’t want to be tied down.
She said that’s fine as we won’t even know she’s there.
She said what about a weekend? I said no sorry I can’t say that far ahead.
I said I was a bit stressed and can’t start making plans now.
She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time, so when we’re not busy just to tell her and they will set off straight away.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I am stressed and exhausted with a hundred other things.

She seems nice and I would hope she just doesn’t realise how she’s behaving but I just don’t understand how/why people carry on like this??
I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself plus 4 kids to someone’s house!

Obviously I can’t just say ‘fuck off’ as that doesn’t work in real life.

Please help!

[Peridot1]

But Cunty Folk works quite well too!

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

What does CF mean?? Cunty Folk?

When I first joined MN I thought STBXH stood for 'Stupid Twatting Bastard Ex Husband'.

[altiara]

PutTheCakeDOWN
Any follow up could be shut down with
“I don’t want visitors” and
“It’s rude to invite yourself”

[newtb]

Do you have gates on your drive OP?

Might be the time to get them fitted, and a padlock.

[ilikemethewayiam]

Oh I sympathise OP, I moved to the south West near the coast from the Home Counties. This year particularly because of the travel restrictions abroad, we’ve been inundated with requests to come and stay! I feel like an airB&B! I even had one person ‘arrange’ for us to do a house swap for 2 weeks so I could visit friends there and they could have a 2 week holiday at ours! I have been clear with those I consider acquaintances that it’s not doable and reserve time purely for family and very close friends who I know will respect our place and we get on well with.

Unfortunately your ‘friend’ seems a bit thick skinned and didn’t take the polite hint so I think she may well take offence at your more direct approach. If so then that’s on her and you have nothing to feel bad about. The alternative would have been to suffer her and her kids in your home just to keep the peace. I think putting up with her hump is preferable.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

@newtb

Do you have gates on your drive OP?

Might be the time to get them fitted, and a padlock.

I absolutely agree with this

She seems like the type to rock up and expect to be accommodated despite your protests...

[ElderMillennial]

Cunty Folk

[unwuthering]

@cocoloco987

People kept referencing the Mexican House Thief story fondly, some said maybe they recalled it was in Classics, and yet no-one seemed to know what thread it was and others were keen to read it, so I found it and I linked it

Tbf it had already been linked at least once in this thread

What is this, pedants' corner?! To be fair, it was linked once on page 4, and then referenced multiple times after that by people still keen to read it. But, hey, send out alerts to everyone who mentioned it post page 4 why don't you, just to be really fair.

[RonSwansonsChair]

Hopefully it's all resolved now OP!

[Billybagpuss]

I’m not surprised there’s no response, you didn’t say what she wanted to hear.

[HighlyUnlikely]

OP, If she replies with yet another “But you’ll hardly know we’re there” message, you are now officially within your rights to tell her to Fuck Off. Add a ‘please’ if you want to be nice.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

But you’ll hardly know we’re there”

Yes you're right . Because you won't be there .
You aren't welcome after last time .


Make it about her behaviour and that of her family . That she crow barred her way in and took over and their behaviour was embarrasing .
You don't want to endure that ever again and if she thinks about imposing on you at Christmas with this , she's delusional .

Youre giving her six months to get over the disappointment

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"Sorry for not updating earlier, been working all day. It’s a crap update though because…..NO reply! I’m really surprised, I thought it would all be kicking off."

What did you send to her in the end? You had a very 'full' range of responses to choose from.

[Eddielzzard]

She's hoping you'll fall into the silence and say she can come after all. Hold strong!

[TheWayOfTheWorld]

I always read it as Cunty Fuckers - covers most bases

[Deathraystare]

You will have to be very firm and say you do NOT want visitors at all over that period. They must not even pop in to see you if they are in the area - because you know they will invite themselves in., it is perfectly ok to say NO and not feel bad about it. If she keeps on then you can say how unpleasant it was when she last invitied herself!!

[Minionbums]

I’d have said to her - ‘we’ve had that many requests to camp here that it started to feel like a campsite, it felt very uncomfortable. So we’ve decided to just say no to everyone I’m afraid’

[Deathraystare]

Well you wimped out. I would have told her exactly why she is not welcome! I just hope she has the message now!

[Zzelda]

If she stays quiet you may need to contact her again to confirm there is no way she can come. Otherwise there's a danger she'll turn up and claim she didn't get your message.

[CruCru]

The thing is, it really is very strange for an acquaintance to be so pushy about coming to stay. Having said that, I can imagine it’s happening quite a lot right now as pretty much no one can book overseas holidays.

[ScrollingLeaves]

“NO reply! I’m really surprised, I thought it would all be kicking off.”

That’s rude of her to not reply.

It might be kicking off as a sulky, silent “How horrible OP is being to me” way.

[dapsnotplimsolls]

@Zzelda

If she stays quiet you may need to contact her again to confirm there is no way she can come. Otherwise there's a danger she'll turn up and claim she didn't get your message.

Message, e-mail, letter by recorded mail - just to be on the safe side :)

[MargosKaftan]

I'm not surprised she hasn't responded. She was only interested in getting something from you so the politeness of even acknowledging your message doesn't matter now.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

@MargosKaftan

I'm not surprised she hasn't responded. She was only interested in getting something from you so the politeness of even acknowledging your message doesn't matter now.

Absolutely

However I agree with a PP that a follow up would be wise - maybe something like "since we won't be seeing you over the winter, we'll try to call when we're next in your area"

Just iin case she thinks she can still turn up ...

[Bellringer]

Do not contact again. Ffs.