How do I respond to/deal with this? CF.

[PutTheCakeDOWN]

Not sure where to start really!
I was going to try and be vague and not outing but I won’t be able to explain it properly. Plus I suppose if the person sees this then problem solved maybe!?

I live in an area which is very popular for winter holidays. It’s the Cairngorms.

I have three small children, a demanding job and a husband who works offshore. Our time together when he’s home is precious.

I have a slight acquaintance/friend who I know via another friend.

2.5 years ago we were introduced to this friend.
2 years ago she invited herself to stay with us in her campervan with her family - 2 teenagers and twin babies. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, they ‘love to ski and sledge’ and I’m too nice and a people pleaser.
It was one of the worst weeks ever. They completely latched onto us, migrated into the house because it was ‘too cold’ in the van (no shit!), left mess everywhere, argued constantly, kept palming the kids off onto our nanny (who is like one of the family and who is vital because of DH being offshore) and were generally just a complete nightmare. It was so stressful.

The last few weeks I’ve had hints about them coming back this Christmas. DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!

She has asked when we’re free. I said we’re busy. She said ‘surely not for the whole month!?’ I’ve politely said that I can’t commit to them coming as we haven’t made plans yet but don’t want to be tied down.
She said that’s fine as we won’t even know she’s there.
She said what about a weekend? I said no sorry I can’t say that far ahead.
I said I was a bit stressed and can’t start making plans now.
She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time, so when we’re not busy just to tell her and they will set off straight away.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I am stressed and exhausted with a hundred other things.

She seems nice and I would hope she just doesn’t realise how she’s behaving but I just don’t understand how/why people carry on like this??
I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself plus 4 kids to someone’s house!

Obviously I can’t just say ‘fuck off’ as that doesn’t work in real life.

Please help!

@HarrietPierce

Everybody seems far more invested in this than the actual OP !

Yes! I'm so invested! I need to know what CF has replied.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Mexican House Thief isn't even an isolated incident on here, either. There have been legion of such.

One poster was on one of the Channel Islands and had a 'friend' who consistently invited herself and her husband and daughter over, took the piss and then invited herself back. She guilt-tripped the OP about not having a 'holiday', got her to pay their ferry fees and then, on the last go-round before the OP finally woke up, the OP caught the teen daughter WEARING a gold bracelet of the OP's that the OP's mother had given her on the way to the ferry back! The girl had dug in the OP's room and poached a piece of jewellery! When the OP demanded it back, she and the mother had the nerve to get offended.

She got the bracelet back, reader.

I actually just searched for that thread and couldn’t find it

These days I have no problem with saying "No, I don't want to!" if the usual polite responses don't work. It stops people dead in their tracks - especially if you can avoid explanations as to why you don't want to.

Say it firmly and with meaning (because you DO mean it don't you?). Yes it will cause offence to this CFucker "acquaintance/friend" but do you really want people like this in your life?

You might tremble a little deep inside but say it with conviction. Remember how their last visit made you feel (you still do...) and don't leave any avenue for ambiguity.

Just think how you'll feel when they flounce off elsewhere! BTW it gets easier with practice.

Deep breath @PutTheCakeDOWN and good luck!🌹

Maybe OP has caved and daren't admit it ...

I actually just searched for that thread and couldn’t find it

And?

Another poster remembered it. It was years ago.

"we wil not entertain any visitors this Christmas, we need some time together as a family unit after a difficult year. You had best make arrangements that don't involve us"

No need to say any more, if she prys further the ignore or allude to personal difficulties you cannot talk about.

It's not a lie - they were the difficulty but they don't need to know unless you want to tell them but people have had difficult times this year across the country/world she is a bit insensitive if she doesn't take the hint.

What's the worst that could happen? She's offended and you don't hear from her again? Win-win!!

I can remember the bracelet scenario

@TeapotCollection

I can remember the bracelet scenario

Apparently because someone can't find it, I'm making it up . That applies to lots of them, though, as some people de-reg'd and had all their posts removed, chat threads disappear, etc etc.

But it was one of the legendary holiday CFer ones.

I remember the Mexico House Thief thread - I think it ended up in Classics. I read most of it like this! 😮

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I actually just searched for that thread and couldn’t find it

And?

Another poster remembered it. It was years ago.

I remember the bracelet thread too.

It's not that long ago that I read it, but I may have been reading it years after it was first posted.

I think whatever she replies you could respond with 'oh that's a shame. Good luck finding somewhere else to stay!' and do that really insulting thumbs up.

Or be very friendly but puzzled. 'as I said -you can't stay here! So how the twins doing at school (or insert similar change of subject)?

@eatitgood

New fone who dis?

Yes this would have been the best one 😂😂

Sorry for not updating earlier, been working all day. It’s a crap update though because…..NO reply! I’m really surprised, I thought it would all be kicking off.

Thank you again so very much for the replies, it’s been unanimous which has really helped..! I won’t budge on this 💪

@PutTheCakeDOWN thanks for the update! No surprise she hasn't responded as your message didn't go the way she wanted. Well done for saying no! What did you put in the text?

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I actually just searched for that thread and couldn’t find it

And?

Another poster remembered it. It was years ago.

I wanted to read it

That’ll teach me to write on here when I’m busy. I never said you were making it up @osbertthesyrianhamster

I searched for it because I wanted to read it

I can fully understand why you thought I was implying that though. Sorry!

Mexican house thief is on this thread. (It wasn't hard to find! I just put Mexican house thief into search bar.) Scroll down...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1735637-Have-you-ever-encountered-anyone-this-cheeky?pg=2

@unwuthering

She isnt looking for that one. She is looking for the stolen bracelet holiday guests one.

Stay firm, OP, whatever she comes back with... if she dies, that is.

If she DOES that is!

[quote Librariesmakeshhhhappen]@unwuthering

She isnt looking for that one. She is looking for the stolen bracelet holiday guests one.[/quote]
I don't know who 'she' is, but a number of people have mentioned remembering reading the Mexican house thief thread so I kindly dug it up. Never a thank you on MN though is there.

@unwuthering

You posted it right underneath the poster who had been looking for the stolen bracelet thread but couldnt find it, and you said "it isnt hard to find" with an exclamation. Seemed very much like you were making a point that you had found it easily even though that poster couldnt.

Also, not really sure what you wanted a thank you for. No one said they couldnt find Mexican house thief.

@PutTheCakeDOWN What did you say to her last?

[quote Librariesmakeshhhhappen]@unwuthering

You posted it right underneath the poster who had been looking for the stolen bracelet thread but couldnt find it, and you said "it isnt hard to find" with an exclamation. Seemed very much like you were making a point that you had found it easily even though that poster couldnt.

Also, not really sure what you wanted a thank you for. No one said they couldnt find Mexican house thief.[/quote]
WTAF!

It has been said repeatedly in one way or another that the stolen bracelet thread was a troll thread that had been zapped. That would be why that one was hard to find. I thought that was pretty obvious.

People kept referencing the Mexican House Thief story fondly, some said maybe they recalled it was in Classics, and yet no-one seemed to know what thread it was and others were keen to read it, so I found it and I linked it.

But carry on being unpleasant.

I reckon there's either going to be some passive aggressive facebook posts, or "I can't catch a break" facebook posts first before you get a reply OP. She'll vague book and get a few care emojis and whats up hun's, she'll reply along the lines of "oh just a shit year and nothing to look forward to" So just prepare yourself for a little bit of manipulative guilt tripping. X

Gobsmacking CFery OP. Stay strong. X