Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q. Aibu re in laws and childcare?
A. Unanimous yes.

Q - my mother said she couldn’t look after my children for a fortnight

A - you need to go NC

My neighbours are having loud parties till the small hours every weekend AIBU to complain to the council.

YABU, if you buy a house where the neighbours are within 1/2 a mile what do you expect.

Q - my MIL let DC eat fruit pastilles

A - you need to go NC

Q - we’re having four friends round for dinner, how many pizzas should I get?

A - Two and some salad

Q - is that not too little?

A - you have serious issues with portion control

Q. Worried about my inheritance. I spend 55 hours/week helping my disabled elderly parents with personal care in their home. Now I find out My parents are giving their vast fortune away to (anyone but me). AIBU?

A. You grabby cow!!

Q. My child is a little bit tubby. He sometimes eats raisins, and has a glass of juice once a week.

A. RAISINS???? You might as well give him Haribo. JUICE?? You might as well be letting him smoke crack.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Q Has anyone else...?
A NOOOOOOOO you’re the ONLY person EVER in the whole history of the world......EVER,

Q: am I being racist?
A: yup

Q: I have a problem with the outside of my vagina.

A: I don’t understand what you mean. Do you mean your vulva? I literally can’t understand you unless you use the correct word.

Q..My DH breathes does anyone have this same problem?

A... LTB

A: is DH....
Q: LTB

Q - about teenage appetites

A1 - my DS has four slices of granary toast, 36 boiled eggs, mixing bowl of porridge and a banana for breakfast

A2 - my DS has a glass of water and sniffs an apple

Q: the bride wants me to pay for
A: YANBU

Q: My DH/DM/ DC/DDOG forgot my birthday , all went out to party on a yacht with the money in the savings account singing " We all take you for granted " in a harmony

A : How childish to mark your own birthday as an adult , you should be ashamed.

OP slinks off muttering quietly "I just wanted a bit of cake

Rest of the thread: How entitled ! Fancy wanting cake on your birthday after you turn 6. Huff.

Q: what to watch tonight?
A: 99% of what you've either seen or not your genre

Q My neighbours are noisy, with a messy garden and repulsive children

A Is this housing association OP?

Palavah
Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

🤣

Q - my son / daughter cried…

A - has she / he had SEN assessment?

Q but not really a question. Just want fellow husband haters to join in. DH plays the violin. I hate that bastard. Aibu?
A - Men are such wanky bastards. They ALL play the violin to piss us off. LTB

Q. My neighbour is parking across my drive.
A. You need to draw a diagram.

Q: what should I do about medical issue?
A: ask a professional. we are not qualified to give advice

Q: do you think my friend/neighbour/mil/postman/random acquaintance will like this?
A: ask them. how would we know?!

Best thread ever