Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q. Is this backless frontless mini dress, which I am planning to wear without underwear, appropriate for my boss's wedding. I'm worried because it is white?

A. White is an absolute no-no at weddings, I have found the same dress in a violent and dangerous green. It'll look fab with a pair of nude crocs.

violent and dangerous green

Q. A stranger glanced at my baby this morning, what should I do?

A1. Call 101.

A2. Glancing at other people's babies is an early sign of dementia.

@AmyDudley

🤣🤣🤣

Love this !

@Pinuporc @LucysSkyDiamonds I forgot about those!

Also, work every hour under the sun and magically find affordable childcare to cover those hours so that you absolutely never need to scrounge off the tax payer. Despite being a tax payer yourself.

@AmyDudley

Q. Is this backless frontless mini dress, which I am planning to wear without underwear, appropriate for my boss's wedding. I'm worried because it is white?

A. White is an absolute no-no at weddings, I have found the same dress in a violent and dangerous green. It'll look fab with a pair of nude crocs.

violent and dangerous green

violent and dangerous green
🤣🤣 I'm stealing this!

a pair of nude crocs
🤣🤣

@AmyDudley

Q. A stranger glanced at my baby this morning, what should I do?

A1. Call 101.

A2. Glancing at other people's babies is an early sign of dementia.

🤣

^A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?*

Fabbest thread!!!! Thanks OP

MNHQ here. Sorry we've zapped the thread as this is a pbp.
What is pbp?

I'm back! Thanks @AmyDudley for the name

Q - My teen slapped me in the face, spit on me and asked his pet spiders to rub their willies on me. I can't possibly say anything because I don't want to interfer in their personal development or push them away. They'll learn proper behaviour and good manners all by themselves just by sniffing their fingers. Aibu?

A1 - Yanbu. Everyone knows you don't say anything to your kids once they turn 8, you let them make their own decisions. We all learn to wing it as we grow.

A2 - Best mama in town.

A3 - I think you should talk to your chil...

A4 - Where's your dh? He's a lazy bastard, isn't he? Why isn't he there to support you from the godzilla in your home? I'm sure he's abusive and controlling too. LTB!

Previously banned poster @TeddingtonTrashbag

Q: I have butter, cucumber and cheese in my fridge. what should I cook?
A1: if you had xyz ingredients you could make anything that doesn't contain those
Oh god I just l laughed aloud -this is the best medicine!

"Has anyone ever been to a place that has weird vibes?"
"Yes, Glastonbury/Totnes"

"A dog came near me when I was at the park. AIBU to think all dogs should be kept in leads"
MN - yes all dogs are evil and should be banned

TabithaTiger
Q. A dog did (clearly unreasonable thing that is in no way an AIBU question). AIBU to think dogs shouldn't do (insertclearly unreasonable thing)

A1. Obviously YANBU
A2. This is why I hate dogs.
A3. Dogs are just pretend babies. Eeew. Furbabies. Society has gone too far. Now dogs are prioritised above humans in all things.

A.47 Here's a story that's nothing like your OP, but a dog was radioactive, grew wings, flew several fields to where we were having a picnic and ate the whole lot before trotting off with a sausage in his mouth. We've had at least 82 picnics this week interrepted by dogs in search of sausage.
A52. A dog looked at my funny. I wish dog owners would do something about their vicious, out of control creatures.

Interrupted

1: Ikea, Nixon, Velvet Submarine, Omelette, Prysm, Gunpowder, Motor Oil, Stuul Sample, Jimothy, Lego, Vivid, Plato Chips, Wolverine, Veranda, Glitter, Bucket*
@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba you are so clever!!!

What time does Sainsbury’s close in your area?
Check the website

Pre Covid
Q my DD was running around a cafe and the waitress asked me to hold her as it was not safe. AIBU that this cafe can’t call itself family friendly and to boycott?

A1-20 YABU/YABVVU
A21 can’t believe the grief you are getting OP - your DD was obviously expressing her joy and the waitress was out of order
A22-40 YABU
A41 you you tell all the other mums and boycott - there must be loads of other cafes that would love to have you
A42 - 60 YABU

OP thank you A21 and A41 I knew MN would understand.

Q what can I do about this really painful boil on my bum (with fuzzy picture that could be anything)

A1 Mag sulphate
A2 OMG my eyes - WTF are you posting?
A3 PP why are you on Sporners?
A4 Lance it with a bread knife, only way of letting it heal
A5 Hot compress and make sure you film it when it starts oozing
A6 don't tackle it yourself - you'll get sepsis and have to have your bum amputated
A7 Have you seen Dr Pimple poppers latest film on lancing bum boils?

2 weeks later...
Sorry, all disappeared in the night and nothing left to see/ film/ Lance

Q - I'm a single parent on minimum wage and need a couple of new dresses. Must be budget friendly.

A - Try Rixo or Hush

Q - MIL has slagged me off to her friends, committed atrocities in the Middle East and eats fried gerbils.
A - You don't like her much, do you?

Q: But do I really need to isolate? Really?
A: Yes

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

You win the thread 🤣