Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q: what do your think of this name?
A: awful! I much prefer Christopher /Kit

@Smokeahontas

Q - about teenage appetites

A1 - my DS has four slices of granary toast, 36 boiled eggs, mixing bowl of porridge and a banana for breakfast

A2 - my DS has a glass of water and sniffs an apple

😂😂😂😂

Q: DH & I live on a tiny island, just the two of us. physical contact with outside world every 2 months.
we have a glut of bubbleberries this year because of declining number of koriwangabos (pig squirrels, only native on this island) that feed on this fruit.
We have 10 freezers full already, I've made jam and compôte for baking, but don't want to waste the rest. what should I do?

A1: why don't you offer it to your neighbours?
A2: freeze it
A3: dishwasher gin

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: looking for baby names that aren't overused.

A1: Ikea, Nixon, Velvet Submarine, Omelette, Prysm, Gunpowder, Motor Oil, Stuul Sample, Jimothy, Lego, Vivid, Plato Chips, Wolverine, Veranda, Glitter, Bucket

A2: Sophie's nice

Stuul Sample

I am deceased

Q - I’m getting married and I want to take my husbands last name. Should I??

A1 - NO
A2 - NO
A3 - NO
A4 - NO
A5 - NO

ETC ETC....

@Smokeahontas

🤣
you had some smashing ones, (great work) glad I made you laugh!

Q. Has anyone else got a headache...is there a bug going around?
A. No, no one ever has had a headache, just you.

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

This 100% 😄

My H is a high earner, we live in a beautiful house in a nice area, we have 2 DC a girl and a boy, they go to private school, we have a nanny and a cleaner. H does 50% of all chores and is home every night for bath time, bedtime and to read stories. i have an allowance of £500/month, we go on exotic holidays twice/three times a year, H is very romantic, buys me flowers and perfume and takes me on dates nights regularly. He is tall, handsome and forearms to die for, when he takes me to bed he makes me feel like a real woman giving me multiple orgasms through PIV and oral.
However he leaves the cap of the toothpaste and it's driving me crazy WWYD?

A1, run like your tampon strings are on fire
A2, the hills are that way >>>>>>>>
A3, he needs therapy
A4, call WA
A5, LTB
A6, call Samaritans

@noego

A7: flowers & perfumes? guilty as charged, he's cheating on you!

@noego

My H is a high earner, we live in a beautiful house in a nice area, we have 2 DC a girl and a boy, they go to private school, we have a nanny and a cleaner. H does 50% of all chores and is home every night for bath time, bedtime and to read stories. i have an allowance of £500/month, we go on exotic holidays twice/three times a year, H is very romantic, buys me flowers and perfume and takes me on dates nights regularly. He is tall, handsome and forearms to die for, when he takes me to bed he makes me feel like a real woman giving me multiple orgasms through PIV and oral. However he leaves the cap of the toothpaste and it's driving me crazy WWYD?

A1, run like your tampon strings are on fire
A2, the hills are that way >>>>>>>>
A3, he needs therapy
A4, call WA
A5, LTB
A6, call Samaritans

A7 - has he been assessed for autism?

Q: Can I leave my washing out overnight?
A: You’re new here aren’t you?

@TaVeryMuchLove

you forgot to mention spider jizz and ghosts. are YOU new here?!🤣

and apparently you'll look like a tramp to your neighbours.
and the inevitable: it will get darked on!

awww, washing line threads 👌

@GoldenHolden

Q: anything from working mum

A1: have you thought about getting a cleaner, gardener, nanny, governess and a butler?
A2: kids only young once. I look after my horses during the day and I'm there 24/7 for my teenage DC
A3: you are being greedy and selfish. Why have kids and work? If you breathe in the neighbours' food and cut back on loo rolls you could go part time or quit, and retire in a campervan
A4: your DH is a CF LTB.

This one has really set me off.

Highly enjoyable thread. Keep it going!!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: looking for baby names that aren't overused.

A1: Ikea, Nixon, Velvet Submarine, Omelette, Prysm, Gunpowder, Motor Oil, Stuul Sample, Jimothy, Lego, Vivid, Plato Chips, Wolverine, Veranda, Glitter, Bucket

A2: Sophie's nice

I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Q: while in Tesco my toddler was getting cranky so I gave him some brioche from the pack I was gonna buy. I knew this would happen but we ran out of his snacks (as well as other stuff, hence the reason I went food shopping!). I don't like doing it but needs must, isn't it?

A1: why is he not at school?
A2: online shopping
A3: why did you wait until you ran out of snacks? I have a war zombie apocalypse tornado underground bunker stocked with supplies. I never run out of snacks
A4: Tesco? You filthy pleb. I only shop at Waitrose. was it organic at least?
A5: don't listen to them OP, I do this too. we pay for it so who cares? it's not like you scoffed down a whole chicken then bolted!
A6: akchualllly it's theft by consumption. your child will grow up to be a serial killer

@YouokHun

Q my DH left his pants on the floor, what should I do?

A1 get your ducks in a row, photocopy your passport 20 times before first light
A2 have you thought about doing the freedom programme?
A3 call the police and please please leave, he’s a narcissist

Mumsnet has produced an absolute swathe of comedians each answer gets funnier. Have to say again that this thread has truly made my week!

Mumsnet has produced an absolute swathe of comedians each answer gets funnier. Have to say again that this thread has truly made my week!

Absolutely.

I love this thread and have asked @mnhq to put in classics. Can a few more people throw the suggestion in too.

You are all very very funny people 😀

Q.my MIL burned my house to the ground, got DH and DC installed in her house, changed the locks and didn't give me a key and then hired a hitman to kill me off for my insurance money. Aibu to go low contact?
A. My Mil died in 1997 after stepping on a frog. You're lucky yours is still alive. Shame on on you.

Q: having a loft conversion and unsure whether to include an ensuite bathroom....?
A: No
A:NO
A: No this is grim and your DH shouldnt even go for a poo in the same town house as you.
A: No - how vile, your whole bedroom will stink forever more
A: why would you want someone shitting an your pillow next to where you sleep
A : why not if theres appropriate space and ventilation.

Q: PILs been horrible to me. DH stood up to them and told them they can not ever talk to me like that. but I feel guilty. AIBU to want to apologise

MN: Team DH!! do not apologise
OP: but...
MN:

Q: I have an alpaca farm and...

A1: 1st class problems
A2: I love camels!!
A3: stealth boast

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: looking for baby names that aren't overused.

A1: Ikea, Nixon, Velvet Submarine, Omelette, Prysm, Gunpowder, Motor Oil, Stuul Sample, Jimothy, Lego, Vivid, Plato Chips, Wolverine, Veranda, Glitter, Bucket

A2: Sophie's nice

Also don’t forget the name Fierce Barry (hopefully someone else saw that thread and can relate).