Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

My Mil died in 1997 after stepping on a frog.

🤣🤣🤣

Q. We’re looking for a boy’s name beginning with E. Something classic and traditional. DS1 is Edward.

A. Edmund
A. Edgar
A. Edwin
A. Edward
A. Egbert
A. Emporio
A. Evelyn nn. Evie
A. Emily is lovely!
A. Edward
A. Definitely Edward
A. Ermenegildo
A. Edward
A. If you can’t use Edward, how about Eddie?
A. Freddie

Q I'm really skint how can i last financially till payday

A Take in ironing

Q planning childcare for when I return to work and it's going to take up my whole wage

A get an au pair

@CandyLeBonBon

Q: Man here MN: oh do fuck off dear

😂😂😂😂😂

Q - Me and DH buying a house but it turns out the toilet was once blocked in 1997.

A - I’d go back and ask for £19k off the price. This could be major drainage problems.

___

Q - I happened to mention to buyers surveyor that the toilet was blocked once in 1997. They have now asked for £19k off the asking price.

A - CF’s, tell them to fuck off or you’ll put it back on the market.

@ivfgottwins

Thread about a man earning less than his partner

He's a cocklodger get rid of him

Thread about a man earning more but not having joint finances

He's financially abusive LTB

Thread about a man earning more and sharing everything

Get married so you can take him for more in a divorce

Thread about man earning more, sharing finances, doing all the housework

He's a doormat with no ambition LTB or make sure you are married so you can take him for more in a divorce - thread could go either way 🤣

This is sooooo true on here 😂😂

Q: I love watching my boys playing nicely together....

A1: why is it your job to watch them? where is their dad in all this?
A2: enjoy while it lasts. in a few years time they will be getting drunk, taking drugs, skipping school, joining a gang and shagging each other's gfs behind Asda car park bottle bank
A3: I hate helicopter parents!

@Cattenberg
definitely Edward
🤣

Nailed on by 7pm on Christmas Day

Q - I bought SIL / MIL a magnum of Cristal & a Rolex for Xmas but she gave me a Baylis & Harding gift set. AIBU?

A1 - Give to charity shop when it reopens. Everyone knows Baylis & Harding is repackaged napalm.
A2 - you sound really grabby OP
A3 - Is this a stealth boast?
A4 - I’m not bothered about the gifts I receive, the joy is in the giving
A5 - YANBU, you need to get DH to speak to her

Q: lockdown"s been awful...

A: absolutely! it's been quite demanding. First Geraldine's sweetheart pony was poorly, then we had to manage the cigar vault by our lonely selves and it took ages to get a chap in to mend the Elie Bleu Macassar humidor Elton gifted us.

@scaredsadandstuck

Q: My child did something totally outrageous that involved hurting/destroying. What should I do? A: TAKE ALL THEIR POSSESSIONS AND LOCK THEM IN A ROOM FOR A WEEK OR THEY WILL BECOME A SERIAL KILLER A:Give them a lovely cuddle and explain it wasn't their fault they are only 28, they can't be expected to manage their emotions yet

I burst out laughing at 28

Q: Eurovision song contest

A1: placemarking. got gin
A2: placemarking. got snacks
A3: yay! found you all. DH hates it, let the fun begin!
A4: what a great performance Greece
A5: mentions Terry
A6: well, another UK disaster
A7: what? that was quite good?
A8: mentions Brexit
A9: well done Australia

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba you win the internet today

these are absolutely brilliant, I'm pissing myself laughing here you genius women!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba you're a pro comedy writer, you must be!

Q: I'm really upset that my dp doesn't want to spend more time with me. I mean I know he's got kids, and there was a bit of an overlap between our relationship and his wife's but I'm not the OW because he told me they were married in name only, and he's never met anyone like me. But how can I get him to spend more time with me as I feel so left out.

A: MN EXPLODES IN AVALANCHE OF APOPLEXY 🤯 💥 💥 💥

@Ingridla

oh wow! thanks for vote of confidence!
but I'm not.

@ncforthispost1

Btw I've just read a whole bunch of these to DS2. he is not on MN but was suitably amused. I was laughing, crying & wheezing so much I sounded like Darth Vader having an asthma attack. 🤣🤣

you are all so brilliant!

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

This made me laugh out loud. Thank you

Q: Just caught NDN's builders looking at my parking spot. What shall I dooo?

A1: Ring 101 to log it
A2: penguin bollard

Q: how about this name?

A1: So pretentious, do you live in a castle?
A2: Chavvy
A3: FFS don't call your child that if you aren't going to spell it properly.

Druggies are in the stairwell outside my flat. They are shooting up, drinking meths, shagging in lumps and have got knives, a machete and 5 pit bulls.
What do I do ?

A - Take them sleeping bags, sandwiches and flasks of coffee.

This actually happened, with only slight exaggeration.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: while in Tesco my toddler was getting cranky so I gave him some brioche from the pack I was gonna buy. I knew this would happen but we ran out of his snacks (as well as other stuff, hence the reason I went food shopping!). I don't like doing it but needs must, isn't it?

A1: why is he not at school?
A2: online shopping
A3: why did you wait until you ran out of snacks? I have a war zombie apocalypse tornado underground bunker stocked with supplies. I never run out of snacks
A4: Tesco? You filthy pleb. I only shop at Waitrose. was it organic at least?
A5: don't listen to them OP, I do this too. we pay for it so who cares? it's not like you scoffed down a whole chicken then bolted!
A6: akchualllly it's theft by consumption. your child will grow up to be a serial killer

A7: YABU - too many carbs. I'd have opened a bag of carrot sticks and one of those mini pots of hummus.

@MarshaBradyo

Q: I’m looking for this Gucci dress A: I saw exactly the same in Next