Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q. Friend was coming to mine to celebrate something. Got food in, balloons, a lovely gift and she just cancelled on me last minute! Am so upset.
A1. Why didnt you wait till she was at the door before you made any preparations? You sound VERY intense buying in food!
A2. You brought her a gift? Are you always buying friendships like that?!
A3. Back off OP, you sound so needy, I would have to bin you as a friend if I was coming to yours and you had brought food and a gift for me!
A4. The Stately Homes thread is your friend here, you obvs have relationship issues

wonder if anyone will notice these are taken almost directly from a thread started today, with some poetic license
(Is is just me or is anyone else having trouble reading threads now without waiting for the inevitable answers )

Is is just me or is anyone else having trouble reading threads now without waiting for the inevitable answers

Yes! And then chuckling when they appear in record time. 😀

@TopBlogger

I know the thread but in fairness your retelling is very different to that thread. (But similar to others I've seen before)

Q: while doing star jumps my boobs..

A1: wrong size bras
A2: fitting service
A3: anatomy lesson

OP:....got a bit sweaty

@Vanishun

Q DH has a hobby that - A Cycling?

😂😂😂

Q: DH has a hobby which I can't reveal because it's too outing....

A: it's always cycling, isn't it?

Q: AIBU....
A: You sound vile...

A male glanced in my direction briefly today

Why must we be 'subjected to the male gaze'

Q: Which of these names should I choose for my baby girl due next week?

Ahlyzzehbaef
Zheyn
Hleweysah

A1: WTF?
A2: Love them all, can't choose.
A3 - 108: combination of like/dislike/sillymadeup.
A109: How do you pronounce them?
OP: It's obvious isn't it?

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Q: AIBU to prefer to be treated with at least the basic amount of bare minimum respect in my friendships and relationships?

A: You sound like hard work.

Q: Is this normal?

A: No. Not under any circumstances.

Q anything about breastfeeding or bottle feeding

A. Settling down with my popcorn

@MustardRose

Q: Which of these names should I choose for my baby girl due next week?

Ahlyzzehbaef
Zheyn
Hleweysah

A1: WTF?
A2: Love them all, can't choose.
A3 - 108: combination of like/dislike/sillymadeup.
A109: How do you pronounce them?
OP: It's obvious isn't it?

A4: akchualllly all names are made up

Q:does your DH watch porn?

A1: no I absolutely categorically know he does not watch porn, he thinks it's absolutely disgusting.
A2: oh come on how do you know he's not watching porn and pretending he isn't?
A1: not all men are disgusting and abusive as your DH A2. I trust DH not to watch porn with my life.

Q:There is a big fat alien on my lawn looking at me funny. What should I do?
A1:Make an appointment to see your GP about your anxiety head tilt
A2:Report on 101 OP
A3:Are you fat shaming an alien?
A4:Aliens have no idea about what is a normal size anymore. Honestly back in the '70s there were no fat aliens.

Q: AIBU to have given my baby icecream?

A1: yes. mentions WHO, NHS, NSPCC and UNICEF
A2: no, he'll be fine
A3: icelollies made from breastmilk

Q: toddler licked the dog's arse

A1: 🤣
A2: 🤣🤣
A3: 🤣🤣🤣
MNHQ: we've moved this thread into Classics

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: toddler licked the dog's arse

A1: 🤣
A2: 🤣🤣
A3: 🤣🤣🤣
MNHQ: we've moved this thread into Classics

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Q. Can you see a line!
A. (From most) yes I see a faint one! Congratulations!

A. (From me) I can never ever see a line and don’t especially understand the need to test ten days before your period is due.

I hide those threads now.

Q: anything to do with benefits

A: you're the absolute scum of the earth. Don't you know you shouldn't be claiming tax payers money. Cancel your claim immediately, move to "a cheaper area" wherever the hell that is , live in a shoebox and survive on lentils.

@Blessex

Q: Can you get over an affair? A: LTB

Is more like

Q-can I get over his affair?
A-LTB

Q-should he gets over my affair?
A-yes otherwise LTB

Q: I'm going to a v v v posh society wedding/investment banker DH's big work do/literally the Oscars, and need an expensive posh frock to wear. I'm a 14 and pear shaped. Any advice?

A: I saw some lovely dresses in George at ASDA the other day.

Q: Literally anything.
A: Just move to a cheaper area!

@CleanQueen123
Dont forget
"Take in ironing"

Q. Can hear neighbours having sex every single night. How can I tell them without it being awkward?

A1. Cheer and clap when they have finished. That'll learn them.
A2. Every single night? Are you exaggerating?
A3. Do nothing. It is only sex.
A4.

[quote Pinuporc]@CleanQueen123
Dont forget
"Take in ironing"[/quote]
Um, have you considered matched betting?

My Dp and knobhead behaviour aka doesn’t put bins out/not abusive

A1 He is abusive and op is too stupid to see it. LTB
A2 remind him to put bins out
A3 don’t remind him you are not his mother
A4 get your ducks in a row… it WILL escalate
A5 op comes back saying was just a moan… he’s ok otherwise
A6 op must be on drugs if she can’t see what an abusive prick ‘D’H is and she should call police so he is thrown out of house right now