What makes a man crap in bed?

[biggirlknickers]

A question inspired by a post on another thread, along the lines of: ‘a man with no sense of rhythm and poor coordination is guaranteed to be crap in bed’.

So what do we mean by ‘crap in bed’? (other than selfishness, which presumably isn’t linked to lack of rhythm.)

Ps I completely agree about rhythmic abilities not being anything major. Sensitivity yes, rhythm nope. My worst memory was someone who... made their money from rhythm, quite literally. But I am a woman and not a snare or a hi hat. 😊

Reciting poetry.

Lots and lots of poetry.

@MorriseysGladioli

When they give you 30 seconds of nervous oral, because they want you to spend 45 mins giving them a blowy.

Role players; ain't got time for a big storyline, I have to be up early for work.

If it takes 45 minutes edoing it wrong! I have perfected the 3 minute blow job for when I cant be arsed to shag them :o

*You're

@PyongyangKipperbang 3 minutes?! Are you sure? Can you tell us at mumsnet without being banned?

I could take me teeth out, I suppose.

Lazy and selfish. If they don’t care about your orgasm, only their own then they’re shit in bed. If they cum in 10 seconds, they’re definitely shit in bed.

Some of the best sex I’ve had was with guys with a smaller than average penis so I don’t think it’s all to do with size at all, more how they use it and certain positions work better.

If they care about making it a decent experience for you then that makes all the difference. I’d say women being lazy and just lying there like a corpse makes them shit in bed.

I can do a 3 min blow job too. Its all in the suction and not stopping so the momentum isn't broken

Pin dick

Small penis.

Book closed.

Small penis. Doesn't work for me. No oral or crap oral. Pressuring for anal after being told it's off the menu.

for me, id say

wanting it to last hours
too focused on performing
no real connection, like you get to bed and the vibe/spark isnt there
small penis
squeamish
bad hygeine
no oral

[quote Rejoiningperson]@PyongyangKipperbang 3 minutes?! Are you sure? Can you tell us at mumsnet without being banned? [/quote]
@Rejoiningperson, I suspect it may involve a finger up the bum 😉 Other tricks are using your hand at the same time as your mouth, whether to wank them or to fondle their bollocks (or all 3!) 😁

Jesus sounds like hard work and having three hands. Can they not just invent a machine for that?

Touching me there with no preliminaries, or with nothing but a cursory snog.
Trying to make me come as soon as we start doing it. I actually find this a massive turn-off as it feels more like an ego trip than an act of lovemaking.
Ditto trying to get me to have countless orgasms in one session. You're not trying to dominate the leaderboard in a video game ffs.
(I mean, if the guy's going the right way about it... that's very different. But usually they aren't.)

Oh, and wanting 69 every time.

A friend sent me this which seemed relevant

Ooooh this thread shows we're all different.

I kinda prefer the smaller peens. They've always been the best for me and by far the easiest to "get there" with only p in v.

I'm also a fan of a jackhammer at certain times of the month and would 10000X take an overweight partner over an underweight / average one. But I like that crushing feeling 😂

For me the worst is someone who is going through the motions... also someone who is silent. By silent I mean not even really breathing or anything. It just makes me overthink and pulls me out of the mood.

@bringincrazyback

Oh, and wanting 69 every time.

Had one of those. Fucking boring! Can't concentrate, neither is in a good position to give good oral. Second time was the last. CBAd with that.

Selfishness. Also: uninterested in trying anything different

I've found that men who are weird with food are weird in bed, there seems to be a connection. I can't explain it properly

@Madamswearsalot "polished pubis" 😂🤣

With the risk of being vilified (I'm male if not obvious from the username).

I could imagine the question could be asked in reverse too. What makes a woman crap in bed? I'd actually be interested see such replies too!

It's the exact same things as a man. Being good is a combination of empathy, caring about your sexual other (even in a ONS where orgasm is the ultimate aim), being open minded, communicative and knowledgeable about eg: availability and type of sex toys. I had a partner who couldn't deal with my penis so we used sex toys as a workaround. And being selfless in bed: I love a toe-tingling orgasm, but seeing my partner have one is a million times better.

I was going to say that I feel sorry for the "small penis brigade" based on threads like this but then I re-read my paragraph above, and the amount of penile extenders available and other sex toys diminishes it. Men with small penises are often demonised but with the sheer number of options available you can have a small penis and be great. I'm not a member of such, but my best friend in my teens/early 20s was and had a limited, thin penis. This was over 20 years ago but I never heard any woman, or man, he was with ever complain. I'm the opposite end of the scale and actually hurt a woman in my early sexual days with my "motion", as I discovered from her best friend shortly afterwards. I can credit her with completely changing my attitude and mindset to sex forevermore.

I just don't understand why someone would happy with being bad! Kind of like I don't understand why men see the number of "bedpost notches" as some sort of great acknowledgment.

i think theres plenty of people out there for whom size of penis is not particularly important, so its a shame its become something people laugh about rather than just say they have a preference about.
A big penis on a man you have no rapport with is no good, and im sure people can still have a good time with a smaller one if they are imaginative and confident.

I dont think women need to feel bad for all the men they dont want to have sex with for whatever reason, including small penis, any more than men should feel sorry for all the women they dont fancy. They never do