What makes a man crap in bed?

[biggirlknickers]

A question inspired by a post on another thread, along the lines of: ‘a man with no sense of rhythm and poor coordination is guaranteed to be crap in bed’.

So what do we mean by ‘crap in bed’? (other than selfishness, which presumably isn’t linked to lack of rhythm.)

@TinySongstress

I'd say no connection, like they're just doing sex to you.

Definitely this.

Having experienced both, I'd rather have inexperienced sex with someone than have technically outstanding sex done to me.

Men who think sex revolves entirely around their penis and orgasm.

Smiling too much

@LifesNotEnidBlyton

Ah mumsnet, where we can have a thread about "What makes men crap in bed" and it can have replies that say "Small penis", but where if a woman came on to say "My boyfriend commented on a thread about "What makes women crap in bed" and he said "having a baggy vagina and small tits"" and all the replies would be "LTB!" and "What a sexist misogynist he is!".

I think that no one is "crap in bed",and it's all about what people like and if they bother to try and make it good for their partner (and the OP says that not trying to doesn't count as being "crap in bed", so it should really be more of a "what don't you like a man to do" becuase some couples might both like something that another couple hate.).

This!

Of course some people are crap in bed. If someone is complaining disinterested in your pleasure and only interested in their own orgasm they're crap in bed.

If there’s no chemistry and/or either party is not up for it or into it, it’ll be crap.

Lack of confidence I think

No kissing
No real connection - some one else Upthread said doing it to you as opposed to with you
Minimal foreplay
Doing the same old routine
Coming too quickly
Worse one though - coming then rolling over

Dear Reader, I’m married to it...

Men being totally thoughtless.... had one guy (rather overweight) who actually nearly suffocated me... when we were sat next to each other on the sofa he suddenly decided to lie on top of me to kiss me.. he was so into it he didn't notice I wasn't kissing him back! As I actually could not move or breathe.
I was genuinely scared I would die!!

Luckily he suddenly realised something was wrong (almost too late) got up & was very apologetic.

Also: Men who can't get it up but don't get help from a doctor.

Selfishness

Selfishness

No other reason.

@Pewpew

Small penis

Bit unfair. He can't do much about that.

My friends once described a guy giving her oral as it was like a cat licking a bowl 😂 so I guess that’s bad!!

Going on, and on, and in with the thrusting. I knew a guy who felt I was a badge of honour to bang away for 15 minutes plus... with little else going on. Longest 15 minutes of my life.

[quote DotsandCo]@JovialNickname many years ago (pre-children!) I was having , well, trying to have, sex with some guy who was having trouble getting an erection...he blurts out 'should I just roll it up and shove it in?' 😱🤣🤦‍♀️

Erm...that would be a no from me Lover Boy 🤣

Still makes me laugh now when I think about it and this happened over 30 years ago! [/quote]
Brilliant
🤣😂he's probably used that line before 🤔

Not getting hard

No idea. Never had that experience.

I read the title in a very different way and assumed this thread was about a man doing an actual crap in bed 🤣

Men who think sex should last for hours. I had an ex like this, seriously after a while I would just get tired and want it to be finished. He liked me sitting on his face for ages and got really disappointed when eventually I would have had enough. He used to time us too - 'that lasted 20 minutes' and looking sadly at the clock.

Good sex isn't just about how long it takes.

There needs to be a basic understanding of anatomy - I've met a number of men who just didn't 'get' how a clitoris works, what the physical signs of arousal are, how to adjust pressure etc.

I do think a lot of it is laziness combined with embarrassment.

I had one guy tell me he wanted to make me come while rubbing away at my pubic bone. He genuinely thought he'd found my clit. But HOW? How was he that clueless? He had a bit of a rep as a laydees man too. I thought I'd got myself a guaranteed good night but left with a slightly polished pubis instead.

@Pewpew

Small penis

It depends if it hits the right spot. I had a very good experience (or two) with what seemed like a disappointingly small penis. Honestly I didn't think it was possible to be that good. Shame he got away 😉

I'm now stuck with a larger than really required one and it can be very uncomfortable.

I also agree on weight. Whilst I wouldn't be instantly attracted to someone really skinny, it's not nice to be squashed by someone overweight.

@Boosterfeat

Performative type sex, when they’ve watched too much porn.

Yes! I slept with someone like that. He kept changing position every few minutes.

@Murraytheskull sounds like an ex of mine-does his name begin with J?

Banging away for ages is awful and does nothing for me but they see it like an Oscar performance that deserves, well, an Oscar. No thanks.

Comparing you to an ex. Don't do that, A did that and it made me feel like shit. Yeah, well, maybe A also got fed up with your can-only-get-off-in-one-position mindset.

I don't think I've ever experienced truly crap in bed but I've trained myself to orgasm quickly so if they are quick to orgasm it doesn't matter.

ED and not prepared to do anything about it except sulk and get annoyed is probably the worst in my experience. Both times combined with obesity, sleep apnoea, and smelly foreskin. What was I thinking 🤮

Rubbing the tendon between your thigh and groin and wondering why you’re not finished yet.

Constantly asking for something that already been discussed as a hard no, I’m the middle of sex.