DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

My 16 yr old has taken 4 weeks to remove a pizza box from the hallway.... I'll miss it when it's gone 😂

FFS, it's just a dishwasher ! And anyway, I don't do my household chores either, I employ a cleaner as I spend most of my time trying to keep people alive

We’ve had a live in and then daily housekeeper since the teens were babies. That’s a luxury that I’ve been fortunate to afford and isn’t a get out of jail free card for my DC.

I’m not asking them to scrub the shower screens or clean the oven. I’m expecting them to be functioning almost adults who pull their weight and don’t expect someone to run around after them.

At 17 & 16 my eldest are well able to keep themselves alive without much interference from me.

So what you need is more practice. You'll be doing it every night this week til you get much better at it.

Standard response in my house. If it’s done badly, they just need more practice.

May be it’s just me but I don’t find any of what you’ve written remotely funny

Me neither. Very odd approach to parenting.

@Jessi1972

I had 3 teenager girls so I feel all your pain. This is how I dealt with some things.

Messy bedroom - took pictures and posted them on Facebook and sent to their head of year. At Halloween brought rolls of caution tape and then used it to cover their doors. I also used to give them a time limit, if not done in time I used to give a black bag a good shake in the kitchen - guaranteed movement!
Not bringing down plates and cups? - brought Thomas the tank engine baby sets and paper ones.
Washing up? I started using their expensive shampoo to do it - same for cleaning the bathroom etc.
Not getting up for school? Water pistol and removal of duvet - oh and sending in our 7st bullmastiff, Abbey after she had been playing in her paddling pool.
To much make up for school? I just rang the school and informed them of the invasion of umpa lumpa's headed their way and brought them a box of baby wipes every term!
Slamming doors? Waited until they went to school and then I removed the lot!

My youngest is 21 This month and all she wants is a steam mop for her birthday 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And my mummy mantra was "don't play games with the bitch who writes the rules!!!!

Yeah, humiliating your kids is just HILARIOUS

Half of what you’ve put there is just really shit parenting tbh.

@Jessi1972

Have just come back to this thread after the 4hrs - four sodding hours! - it’s taken to clean out their chicken house. Most of that time was spent arguing over who was going to sit on the one chair in the yard. My son kept asking ‘how much longer is this going to take?’ with me screeching back ‘ForEver if you stay sat down!’ 🙄🙄

They become the colleagues who leave the mess in the kitchen and loos for everyone else to clean up

Yes we had colleagues like that at work. Had bowls of cereal and left their dirty dishes in the sink expecting someone else to clean up after them. A colleague called one of them out one day after they just dropped their dirty spoon in the sink and walked away. They washed it but were fuming.
Also there was a person who was obviously never taught to flush the loo and used to leave it with their no 2s for the next people. Always the same cubicle. If it doesn't flush the 1st time they you keep flushing until it does.

Jessi1972. You sound cruel and abusive. Big ups to you humiliating your children.

*Please don't hate me
I don't have children yet

How does this happen? You need to look at how it happened to fix it?

He's almost an adult. We had to vacuum and do the dishwasher by 14.

If both parents were home late, we would make dinner. We did laundry.

I know it happens, I told someone to piss off when she asked for help with laundry at uni. There was a sign in block capitals explaining it!

So like a toddler, can I take a moment to say...but whyyyyy*

It’s not about them not doing chores, OPs son is clearly doing it. It’s how long it takes them to do it.

I asked mine this afternoon to help me lift some heavy plant pots around in the garden. 5 minute job that took about 20 minutes because he had to put his socks on, find his headphones, go to the toilet, have a drink, put a hoodie on, take off the hoodie. Honestly it’s exhausting.

Mine always used to remember some homework that had to be done right now, whenever I so much as murmured the words ‘tidying your room’.

They all seem to be managing, now they’ve left home - and having spent several years doing part time waiting work, ds3 clears the table in seconds, after meals - plates up his arm, the whole nine yards!

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius they do tend to get there in the end. My oldest dd was at boarding school for Sixth Form and was often reprimanded by house staff for her messy room. Now she's home again she's really tidy! She likes a neat organised room.

www.virginexperiencedays.co.uk/dishwasher-excellence-online-training-course-with-the-university-of-housework-sp1

Thanks Bookridden, I love the look of that course. Did you see the one fir laundry too? I might splurge on a couple of those courses for some special people in my life.

Reminds me of this!

At least he's finally done it now!

Oh sorry for the duplicate post - just seen someone already posted this!

I take it his name is Kevin, then?

My DH is 53 and in general, he is pretty well house trained. His mother used to shudder and had a mouth like a hen's arse if I asked him to do anything vaguely domestic. When she was getting on a bit he'd stay with her for the weekend, change her bed, defrost the freezer, gut the kitchen and bathroom and she was horrified that he knew how to clean!

However, he often slips into 17 year old boy mode, he'll do a job but only by 99%. He'll wash the dishes and leave 2 spoons and water in the basin or he'll put the washing away but leave the wardrobe door or drawers ajar with things hanging out. Drives me mad I'm sure he does it on purpose so now I say nowt!

Exactly the same story here with DD. Also 17.

Exactly the same sorry here with DD. Also 17.

This has just reminded me to call (shout at) my 16 year old daughter to do the exact same thing!!! Drives. Me. Crazy!!!
One job - just one... it's not hard is it?!

Jeezzzz, talk about dragging out a fast activity, I've emptied and loaded one a lot faster, of course size could factor in , e.g. Industrial ect but still. Omg

He sounds like my 37yo partner. It took him over an hour to make me a sandwich once.
Keep going... My partner has no life admin skills as his mum did everything for him.
He is a really lovely person, just a little bit useless.

He's doing that classic man thing of doing so badly that you will never ask him to do it again - show him how wrong he is - teach him how to do it properly in the most patronising way you can muster then break it to him that he must do this every day from now on

Teach him to empty the bottom tray first. Don't cook his dinner for the next week and tell him you just couldn't be arsed.