DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

[quote bendmeoverbackwards]@RealhousewifeofStoke completely disagree. I did the bare minimum growing up and turned into a competent adult when I needed to. Some of our friends children had zero interest in cooking as teens and are now competent cooks.[/quote]
The concept of ‘competent’ is subjective.
One of my kitchen sharing colleagues is raising two kids who haven’t yet died from food poisoning. So she has some competence. But her hygiene standards are grim. I regularly have to eject exploded yogurts and furry tupperware contents from the work fridge. And as for wiping the worktop? And let’s not get started on the state she leaves the toilet in.

@Nancylovesthecock

I would turn the WiFi off and tell him to get the fuck on with it but then I'm a hard ass and my kids at 5 and 8 help to clean up everyday. 5 year old tidied this morning whilst their sibling hoovered and I washed up. You need to start them early people to create ingrained habits!

I give it 6 years. Any other guesses?

@meemaww was she tidying up after everyone as she had watched you do that? Surely better that her housemates shared the chores

"If you'd put as much energy into just doing it in the first place as you've put into moaning about having to do it you'd've finished it 3 hours ago" is an often used prhrase in our house

This has made me laugh so much! It’s a teen ploy to make you step in and do it for him. DON’T fall for it! Tell him he obviously needs more chores to practice speeding up.

The many, many threads on here about men who expect their female partners to do virtually all the domestic grunt work and the lived experience of lots of female friends, leads me to believe that not all lazy teenagers grow into competent adults. I suspect girls mostly do, because of how women are socialised to do it as adults. Men, not so much.

Regardless of whether they will learn how to do it as adults, I do not want to live with teenagers who watch me and dh work full time and do all the cooking and cleaning while they sit on the sofa watching YouTube. I don't think that makes me a bullying mother.

@Sally2791

This has made me laugh so much! It’s a teen ploy to make you step in and do it for him. DON’T fall for it! Tell him he obviously needs more chores to practice speeding up.

Or tell him you're so impressed with the time energy and effort he's putting into getting the job right you think it would be great he does more - you love high standards

DD is also 17 and in charge of the dishwasher. It takes an unreasonable amount of time, though not as long as OP’s DS. Loading is actually okay, but unloading … I’ll just walk across the kitchen with these two forks. And take a spatula to the utensil drawer. Now two knives and a teaspoon … It’s fine though, delays the time when she’ll vanish into her bedroom again. It’s probably the most time we get to talk all day (I’d rather the chat was a bit less K-pop and a bit more … anything, really, but I’ll take it). If it gets really frustrating I leave.

She’s slow at pretty much everything in fact … doesn’t see the need to hurry. If there is a need, generally she can speed up.

I recall many years ago, my mum being so unwell she had to go to bed. Seeing my father trying to do the washing up was hilarious as he left home where my grandmother had waited on him hand and foot, to get married where my mother did the same. My younger brother was a confirmed bachelor who lived with my mum until he recently passed away - she still did everything for him and is in her late 80's! Please persevere otherwise if your son marries somebody like my daughter he will be expected to do 50% of everything - washing, cooking, cleaning, garden etc which is how my DH and I have always done things (he had a bit of a shock when he met me as his mother always did everything for him as well)!!

@Reallybadidea

DS 15yo is a pita most of the time about doing his chores, he procrastinates, needs 20 reminders to bring down his crockery collection etc. And then last night we had friends round for dinner, I went into the kitchen at midnight knowing that it was a complete state - and he'd sorted it! Loaded the dishwasher, put leftovers in the fridge and was standing at the sink washing up.

I'm torn between utter delight/amazement and dread at why he did it

Hehe! Yup. He's definitely plotting something .

I had 3 teenager girls so I feel all your pain. This is how I dealt with some things.

Messy bedroom - took pictures and posted them on Facebook and sent to their head of year. At Halloween brought rolls of caution tape and then used it to cover their doors. I also used to give them a time limit, if not done in time I used to give a black bag a good shake in the kitchen - guaranteed movement!
Not bringing down plates and cups? - brought Thomas the tank engine baby sets and paper ones.
Washing up? I started using their expensive shampoo to do it - same for cleaning the bathroom etc.
Not getting up for school? Water pistol and removal of duvet - oh and sending in our 7st bullmastiff, Abbey after she had been playing in her paddling pool.
To much make up for school? I just rang the school and informed them of the invasion of umpa lumpa's headed their way and brought them a box of baby wipes every term!
Slamming doors? Waited until they went to school and then I removed the lot!

My youngest is 21 This month and all she wants is a steam mop for her birthday 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And my mummy mantra was "don't play games with the bitch who writes the rules!!!!

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@meemaww was she tidying up after everyone as she had watched you do that? Surely better that her housemates shared the chores[/quote]
She cleaned up as she simply didn’t like the mess, and yes probably did it from my example. It’s my parenting style and it suits me.

Unfortunately, her housemates were too busy enjoying the freedom of not having to do the chores imposed on them at home and were more than happy to live like that 🤢. To say it was grim was an understatement!

Hahahahahaha your son is my son!! Omg OP I totally feel your pain. It’s ridiculous how long everything takes him. We are always waiting for him whenever we go anywhere. He sits on the loo for hours. God knows what A level grades he’ll get as he did fuck all work in between the many breaks, loo visits and YouTube videos. If by some miracle he gets into uni how on earth he’ll look after himself is beyond me. He is going to get a massive bomb up his bum this summer, he has to change!

@Pyewackect lighten up. And expecting DC to help a little around the house is not bullying.

@Jessi1972 pictures on FB and to school is really mean and humiliating. They might tidy their rooms but hate you in the process.

My mantra is that my relationship with my dc is the most important thing. Yes it’s my job to raise independent adults but I’ve noticed something over the years - some things just happen when the time is right with no intervention from me.

He's hoping if he does it slowly enough, you won't ask him again. Call his bluff.

My son is progressive-he does the same and hes only 15.

@Jessi1972

I had 3 teenager girls so I feel all your pain. This is how I dealt with some things.

Messy bedroom - took pictures and posted them on Facebook and sent to their head of year. At Halloween brought rolls of caution tape and then used it to cover their doors. I also used to give them a time limit, if not done in time I used to give a black bag a good shake in the kitchen - guaranteed movement!
Not bringing down plates and cups? - brought Thomas the tank engine baby sets and paper ones.
Washing up? I started using their expensive shampoo to do it - same for cleaning the bathroom etc.
Not getting up for school? Water pistol and removal of duvet - oh and sending in our 7st bullmastiff, Abbey after she had been playing in her paddling pool.
To much make up for school? I just rang the school and informed them of the invasion of umpa lumpa's headed their way and brought them a box of baby wipes every term!
Slamming doors? Waited until they went to school and then I removed the lot!

My youngest is 21 This month and all she wants is a steam mop for her birthday 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And my mummy mantra was "don't play games with the bitch who writes the rules!!!!

May be it’s just me but I don’t find any of what you’ve written remotely funny.

It's his own time he's wasting, as teachers used to say

It’s not though. If he spends an hour doing that, it’s less time for the other chores he should be doing too. I have this argument with my 12 year old often.

@reallyneedmoresleep if it helps, tell him my 12 year old uses a walking frame and still does it in less than an hour. She still takes way longer than she should but can do it in way less than an hour.

May be it’s just me but I don’t find any of what you’ve written remotely funny.

Me neither. I run a fairly high tight ship, but that crosses a line for me.

I have one exactly the same. He does everything one-handed because he needs the other hand to hold his phone playing YouTube clips. It’s exhausting.

Extravirgin not just you if it’s real that is

Have a look in YouTube for Kevin the teenager washing the car - so funny!

That was the first thing I thought of, too!

Mine did this as a 9 year old. Spent hours unloading things - and every single plate/dish required cries of Mum! Mum! Mum! Where does this go?

I let him do it. At the end I said to him, Oh baby...that was really hard for you to do, wasn't it?

Yes, he whimpered. My response was a brisk, So what you need is more practice. You'll be doing it every night this week til you get much better at it.

He didn't pull that one again.

@MerylStropp

Have a look in YouTube for Kevin the teenager washing the car - so funny!

That was the first thing I thought of, too!

I posted that link above. That was absolutely ds1 when he was that age!