Small things that are big tells

SisterAgatha · 2021-06-03T13:38:53+00:00

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature. I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too. [wink] Anyone else spot these little things?

purrswhileheeats · 03/06/2021 18:52

Bad listeners, red flag for sure. They also always seem to be the 'victims' in life 🤔

Chamomileteaplease · 03/06/2021 18:55

Someone who can't accept a compliment - issues with self esteem and annoying!

purrswhileheeats · 03/06/2021 18:56

Oh and always a drama with food, it's a control thing

vampirethriller · 03/06/2021 18:56

"I'm very honest"
If anyone tells you that, don't believe a word they say and check your change.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/06/2021 19:06

@purrswhileheeats

Oh and always a drama with food, it's a control thing

Yes, second this. Every person ive known to be very picky around food (not due to allergies) has been a general PITA in life.

Also, when someone always seems to have a drama with someone. This trait always seems to extend to every area of life. For context, I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value.

BlueCowWonders · 03/06/2021 19:18

@vampirethriller

"I'm very honest" If anyone tells you that, don't believe a word they say and check your change.

Along with 'I'm a very polite/ understanding/ genuine person' Always the very opposite!

Drowninginwashing · 03/06/2021 19:24

People who are rude to waiters/shop assistants. Tells you a lot about how they view themselves in a hierarchy, and how they treat those they don't see as their 'equal'.

guffaux · 03/06/2021 19:27

if someone says 'I'm telling you this for your own good'- they very rarely are, and your self esteem is about to take a hit...

WarmSausageTea · 03/06/2021 19:29

‘I’m not being funny, but…’ - is promptly funny.
‘Well, to be fair…’ - is promptly unfair.
‘I’m not a racist, but…’ - is promptly racist.
‘If I’m being honest…’ - promptly lies like a rug.

whatnow41 · 03/06/2021 19:34

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

LunaNorth · 03/06/2021 19:39

People who take everything personally. It makes me think that in their head they’re being as pointed to everyone as they think everyone is being to them.

People who constantly question and criticise other people’s choices come off as massively insecure.

People who whip out a calculator at the end of a shared dinner are invariably tightarses, and usually the wealthiest at the table.

And people who are just sooo nice and never say a bad word about anyone are probably psychopaths with a cupboard full of voodoo dolls.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 03/06/2021 19:43

Empaths ... it's a problem because they make it all about them.

Monologuers ... they just aren't interested in you.

People who say you are jealous that you can't afford x, y, z ... not terribly deep thinking.

onemouseplace · 03/06/2021 19:57

That person who either tells you other people's secrets/ gossip or bitches about mutual friends is almost certainly doing the same to you!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/06/2021 20:00

@whatnow41

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

Please dont patronise me. I find it very rude and naive that you've completely dismissed my very specific example based on your very personal experience. She had/has a long history of this. Shes moved to a different place now and low and behold, the same thing is happening again. Its always one singular person she tends to fixate on. Shes been in the same organisation for 8 years and it happens all the time. When she gets detatched to somewhere else for a while its a running joke as to whos going to get the treatment. I get you've been bullied, but you absolutely cannot dismiss what I say because of your experience.

lanbro · 03/06/2021 20:06

People who post memes about their door always being open or post #bekind are usually the last people you'd turn to and often horrible bullies.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/06/2021 20:07

@lanbro

People who post memes about their door always being open or post #bekind are usually the last people you'd turn to and often horrible bullies.

Urgh yes. Those people also often only post it when it becomes fashionable.

PracticallyFloored · 03/06/2021 20:23

@purrswhileheeats

Bad listeners, red flag for sure. They also always seem to be the 'victims' in life 🤔

I'd never noticed that these traits go together, but you're right!

Nietzschethehiker · 03/06/2021 20:29

Anyone who says "That's just me / That's just who I am" is always an arse and not capable of admitting they are wrong.

Very similar to "I put everyone else before me". Firstly, that's just inherently not healthy and a sure sign of rescuing issues and secondly why are you telling me that? If you are truly that altruistic and the dalai llamas nicer sibling then surely you don't need to announce it ?

In my defence I've spent a very long time in Social care so these comments abound and always warn of trouble. Always !

ichundich · 03/06/2021 20:30

People who slag off their own friends; you can be absolutely certain that they will do the same thing to you

The sort of people somebody likes to hang out with

How somebody dresses

How generous / stingy somebody is

Nietzschethehiker · 03/06/2021 20:33

@guffaux

if someone says 'I'm telling you this for your own good'- they very rarely are, and your self esteem is about to take a hit...

I see this on MN alot , almost always to do with weight. It's amazing how often it's insisted that if you care about someone it instantly gives you the right to tell them they are overweight. Somehow as if they are going to look in the mirror and exclaim "My god you are absolutely right I had absolutely no idea and thought I was a size zero. I shall race to the celery forthwith".

I have never known the "I say this because I care about your health..." to end well.

peaceanddove · 03/06/2021 20:36

In my experience, if someone is mean with money then you can guarantee they're going to be mean and selfish in every other aspect of their lives.

If someone betrays a confidence to me, I will know to never confide in them and that they are not to be trusted.

If a bloke has no sense of rhythm and is generally uncoordinated you can guarantee they're going to be crap in bed.

BalloonSlayer · 03/06/2021 20:45

If you hear more than one piece of ultra-scandalous gossip off the same person they are probably a malicious gossip who makes stuff up.

I wish I had realised this 20 years ago.

BalloonSlayer · 03/06/2021 20:48

Oh and if someone says more than once that 'X has stopped talking to me/has fallen out with me/started yelling at me but I don't know why " then they are Trouble. Capital T intended.

Goawaymuppet · 03/06/2021 20:49

A woman in my NCT group said she preferred being friends with men rather than women. I found it suspicious - and was proved right. She was horrible.

Wide · 03/06/2021 20:51

People who tell you gossip or something in secret probably won't keep what you tell them a secret either. I always find on tv for example when giving an opinion on say Loose Women or a judging show if nervous the person will always take a drink from their cup afterwards. Another one, if you tell your friend something just know you are no doubt also telling their partner