Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

Someone who is unpunctual with meet up times, will turn out to be flaky with everything else as well. Sounds obvious, but often they hide that second part well. They get away with ‘being a bit late’ as though it’s somehow cute, or endearing, or underlines how much busier they are than you that day

Have you also noticed these people often lead very dramatic lives and have had dramatic things happen to them that they use as an excuse for being late?

My sister is a good example - late (as in hours late) for EVERYTHING....went on holiday as a family a few years ago and arranged to meet up at 6pm in a restaurant for dinner. A couple of us had small kids (toddlers, babes in arms etc) so was important that a semblance of a routine was stuck to. She turned up at 7.30 - we were all starving and the kids (though I personally insisted mine ate as soon as they could) were past it but mum insisted we had to wait and sister kept texting 'just a few more minutes!' - armed with this story about how her husband cut his foot on glass washing the dishes, then her teen DD was late home because she was helping an old man who fell over, then they saw an injured cat along the way and when they tried to report it to the hotel a Spanish man shouted at them (these stories always have someone shouting at her somewhere in them); then they witnessed a motorbike crash and got involved, then their DD realised she forgot her purse and couldn't remember the way back so they ALL went back with her...ridiculous!!

That night my (now ex)H had to have a doggy bag as he took the kids back as soon as Dsis arrived. No apology when they arrived either because it "wasn't their fault all these things happened".

I'd have far more respect if she'd just said "we napped and overslept". Which is obviously what really happened.

Anyway after that I thought 'fuck this' and I said Personally we will meet up with family for the rest of the holiday but not for meals, we will eat on our own.

It did make me realise after that that DSis - and similar people I know - seem to live lives that attract drama or trouble. It's either BS all it's provoked bubba's attitudes and trouble making

I speak as I find...

I’m going to ride roughshod over you’re feelings and I’m going to enjoy it.

I’m mad, me...

I could bore for gold.

If they gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you. What’s that line, about when people show you who they are believe them.

My brother gets out of the shower, dons a towel, walks down the stairs and says "Would you mind turning the washing machine off for a while?' when the water suddenly goes freezing cold. He doesn't even interrupt the conversation and maintains composure throughout.

Everyone else howls with vicious indignation from a stomping position, without leaving the shower, until someone scurries off to the utility room to stop the noise.

I always felt he was made of better stuff than the rest of us.

I

Anyone who describes themselves as more sensitive or more empathic than others, or who uses phrases like ‘I just give and give and give’ or ‘I put everyone ahead of me’.

Always reveals how they see themselves; never accurate.

Anyone who uses the term ‘woke’ or ‘virtue signalling’ always turns out to be an absolute fuckwit,

Oh a couple more:

‘I don’t care if you’re white/brown/purple’ : inevitably a massive racist.

‘I tell it like it is’ or ‘I don’t take any shit’: can dish it out but can’t take it.

I notice whether people smile with their eyes or just their mouth. Small bits of body language when paid attention to says a lot more about a person than a conversation ever can.

I have a friend whom I really like BUT she is a very competitive person. It is exhausting especially when it dribbles down to the children.
It manifests in strange ways - she wil become secretive about things. It is hard going at times but I feel sorry for her as the impulse is stronger than her.

Ignoring animals.

"I just say it how it is" or "I'm just an honest person"
Always a mean person who doesn't take others feelings into account.

Frequently showing up late to meetings and not apologizing for it or trying to change their ways (=no respect for others’ time)

Getting overly angry and frustrated over small things
Being shouty (my ex who turned out to have very scary anger management issues)

@mobear

Ignoring animals.

Also this unless there’s a genuine reason for it eg. fear or an allergy.

But I feel wary when people say they don’t like animals. Most of the time they turn out to be unpleasant and weird.

@whatnow41 very well said

Mine are:

Mean with money mean with love - people who are right with money lack empathy and generosity of spirit too

Bitchy gossips (and I don't just mean women men can be horrific for this) if they're bitching TO you about others they're bitching ABOUT you to others

Bad dancer -= bad fuck - yes! Ex never danced/couldn't dance, 10 years I was married to him, I think I orgasmed approx same no of times

I’m mad, me’ - boring bastard.

In my experience somehow boring AND annoying

My sister who I am nc with has SO MANY of these

Elevenerife ✔️
Little lies big lies ✔️
Gossipy ✔️
Can't keep a secret ✔️
Always the victim ✔️
Not accepting no ✔️
The competitive invalids✔️
Never on time - I think her "best" was 8 hours late ✔️

"Ill be the King and you can be my slave omg this exactly sums up sister and her friendships. Never more than one friend at a time, won't tolerate them having another friend to the point she even tries to distance them from their families, they are her BFF for as long as they are useful to her and that is how she selects them too. A staff discount to a favourite shop, willing to do loads of babysitting, give lifts, he'll one for her a car! Then when they start to realise "hey I'm being used here" she starts to pick fault with them while lining up the next mug, when the split eventually comes it's always something they have supposedly done but your phrase sums it up PERFECTLY they are always younger, less confident, desperate for a friend

And kicks off of they don't get their way.

She literally throws tantrums in the street over the most minor things. Literal stamping of feet, literal fingers in ears if she doesn't want to discuss - she's in her 40's and a mother

@WalkthisWayUK yea "I'm a nice guy" never are, almost always abusive sexist twats

Have you also noticed these people often lead very dramatic lives and have had dramatic things happen to them that they use as an excuse for being late?

Yes!

Endless shaggy dog stories

What about someone who only wants to talk about their various illnesses whilst simultaneously saying that they never like to complain about their many illnesses. They often imply someone else only ever talks about their illness, so they're just being competitive and can't see that they're worse than the one they complain about. It's zero self awareness and wanting sympathy without being able to see that everyone thinks they're lying/over egging how ill they really are.

Complaining about someone else's behavior when they're doing the same without being aware that they're doing that. It's baffling and boring.

@EssexLioness

I,ve known three people who would constantly tell you that they were ‘too good for their own good’ and ‘would do anything for anybody’. They were some of the biggest gossips and self absorbed people I’ve known and thrived in other people’s drama. I find that people who are genuinely kind don’t need to constantly tell people about it. Others will just see how caring they genuinely are. I am a bit suspicious of people who tell me how kind they are. Kind people just tend to do kind things without announcing it to the world

This is so true.

As you say positive traits like kindness, humour, integrity, intelligence show themselves quickly; they don't need to be advertised in advance or pointed out.

People that do the above are at best overcompensating for something, at worst stupidly arrogant.

I’m not a great listener, I have ADHD and struggle to tune in to people, much as I want to. I’ve only recently been diagnosed but I’m learning a lot about ADHD and quite a few things on this thread could well apply to people with the condition. It’s massively under diagnosed in women.

That was meant to be a reply to a poster on page 1 oops.

@DownUdderer

What about someone who only wants to talk about their various illnesses whilst simultaneously saying that they never like to complain about their many illnesses. They often imply someone else only ever talks about their illness, so they're just being competitive and can't see that they're worse than the one they complain about. It's zero self awareness and wanting sympathy without being able to see that everyone thinks they're lying/over egging how ill they really are.

Complaining about someone else's behavior when they're doing the same without being aware that they're doing that. It's baffling and boring.

Don't know if you're a fan of Jane Austen but you've just perfectly described a character in 'Persuasion'. Anne Elliot's sister Mary.

It's really funny honestly & you'd recognise the type at once.

The people that are always sharing things such as “in a world where you can be anything, be kind”/ “positive vibes only” / “today is going to be great. Go and be your awesome self” I find them often not to be those things at all.

I work with someone who is always posting this sort of thing and I don’t find her to be like the social media persona she puts herself over as AT ALL. The person I have seen her be in real life is not how she portrays herself.

People who say ‘the research says...’ to shut down an argument without actually telling you which research. You just know they’re shit talking an expecting you to roll over.

:51musthavebeenlove

mobear

"Ignoring animals."

"Also this unless there’s a genuine reason for it eg. fear or an allergy.

But I feel wary when people say they don’t like animals. Most of the time they turn out to be unpleasant and weird."

Absolutely. In my experience those folk turn out to be rather self-absorbed amongst other things. .

Couples who post on social media how their partner is their world etc usually have crap relationships.

Shared social media- usually means one of them is controlling or has cheated

Late people- self absorbed

People who say "Trust me."

Usually the most untrustworthy people around.

People who say "Is it me?"

Normally when they've done something twattish but been found out/called out.

Anything described as amaaaaziiiing is not and the people who say it are dull.

And people who are just sooo nice and never say a bad word about anyone are probably psychopaths with a cupboard full of voodoo dolls.

Thanks for the belly-laugh, @LunaNorth